1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How to salvage a friendship from a failed relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ilovemylife, Jan 20, 2015.

  1. ilovemylife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I have to give a little background first:

    So this guy and I were talking for a while until things started heating up. We never made it OFFICIAL because he was afraid of commitment. Anyway, I was drunk one night and texted him to call me in the morning so we can talk about us (I did it so I would not chicken out the next day). This plan failed miserably and he told me that we are better off friends. Then I kind of don't remember the conversation after that.

    Now, I feel so embarrassed and sad about what happened. I still want to be friends, but I feel like it's going to be awkward.

    I thinking about texting him later today just being honest about my feelings. But I don't know if that's going to help or just make it more awkward.

    TL;DR
    Is there a way to overcome the awkwardness after this breakup?


    Also, the answer to the question I know you're thinking is yes: I do still have feelings for him. And I think he feels the same for me.
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you both (or even one of you) still have feelings for the other, then the friendship is going to be problematic. Additionally, if he's afraid of commitment, that's a pretty enormous red flag waving wildly saying that you need to let go of thoughts of a future relationship, unless he gets a bunch of therapy.

    As hard as it is, I think the best option might be just to let it go and move on. I think anything else is just going to open you up to be hurt more.
     
  3. ilovemylife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Like, just flat out ignore him and never speak to him again? I shouldn't even have one last conversation to clear things up? (That came out more aggressive than I intended)
     
  4. Spartan 117

    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    964
    Likes Received:
    539
    Location:
    Isle of Wight, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hmm, a complicated question really. I agree with Chip in the sense that his fear of commitment isn't a positive sign. In theory, you can overcome the awkwardness after dating, but it takes a conscious effort on both sides to keep the friendship going. It also means that you might have to give each other some time and space before you get back to how things were.

    It sounds to me like you still feel there's some unresolved issues between you two and the way things ended. If it's going to drive you crazy, maybe you should let him know how you're feeling. Something like "I know you said we were better off friends. Of course I value our friendship and don't want to jeopardize that. If we're destined to be just friends that's fine by me. I just wondered if I could explain myself properly (Sorry, I was drunk when I texted you that first time!) and maybe just talk about things? Whatever happens, I really don't want things to be awkward between us, because I like you too much for that to happen". Or something along those lines.

    Either way, I hope it works out for you! :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Spartan 117, Jan 20, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2015
  5. ilovemylife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2014
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    If I were to send a text, how does this sound:

    "I know this probably isn't a good time, but I just want to express how embarrassed I am about the other night and this entire situation. I know I already apologized and agreed to be friends (and I hate to be repetitive). I value our friendship and don't want to jeopardize that, but I still feel like I need to get everything out in the open. I really did think that we were doing well. I guess I just misinterpreted things. I really don't want it to be awkward between us. Can we just start over as friends?"
     
  6. Spartan 117

    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    964
    Likes Received:
    539
    Location:
    Isle of Wight, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Haha, I'm not exactly a relationship guru, but that sounds fair enough to me. :slight_smile: