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I don't know if my roommate is bi or gay

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by newyearproblem, Jan 22, 2015.

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  1. newyearproblem

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    Hello,
    I am living with a roommate currently. He is very nice. I have this feeling that he might be bi or gay but am not sure....

    My roommate is a hunter, a total country boy. He hunts a lot and that is all he thinks of.
    However, there are a few things that question me if he is not straight.

    Whenever I do my homework in my room, he would make a comment such as "are you trying to be keep a distance from me?" We study a lot at the dining table in the living room. If I decide to go into my room, he would make a puppy face.

    Also, when we study together at the table, sometimes he would tap my elbow. If I ignore it, he would put his face really close to my laptop so that I will notice him. Then I would poke him on his side. Then he would poke me back and then we start a tickle fight. The tickle fight turns into a pillow fight. We would wrestle a bit as well. This ends everytime by him picking me up and throwing me to a couch.

    I call him a squirrel. A few days ago we were driving together and I made a comment that he is my squirrel. He asked me, "So I'm yours?" and I told him since I am the only one who calls him squirrel, he is MY squirrel. He had a smile when he asked me that question so I assume he did not dislike the fact.

    Last term, he got a new phone. That was the first time ever for him to have a phone that can take good pics so he would take pics of me. Sometimes he would take pics when I am not looking. One time, I took a pic of him and showed it to him saying this is how he looks like, and then he asked me why I took a pic of him. I said, "You take pics of me then why can't I take pics of you?" but he either pretended or doesn't remember himself taking pics of me.... because he said, "When did I take pics of you? did I do that?" but my friend was there so maybe that is why he said he doesn't remember it. It is just weird how he doesn't remember it when he has taken pics of me more than 6 times and laughed at the pics....

    Last term, when I would come home late, he would text me asking me where I was. I usually came home around 5 but twice, I think, I came home after. He would text me "Where is ____?" hahaha yeah....

    OH and he plays video games and watches netflix often. Everytime he does either one of them, he asks me if I want to watch or play video games. If I have too much homework to do, then I would refuse. If I refuse, he makes a puppy face.


    He told me he has a girlfriend before. And he wanted to punch this kid because he used to like the same girl as him.
    It seems like he is not against gay/bi/lesbian people though. One time, we were talking and he said something, "If that(being gay) is how you do, I would not mind."
    I am so confused. I do not know if he is bi or gay... I would love to know...
     
    #1 newyearproblem, Jan 22, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2015
  2. SocceRoo

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    hello.

    Personally I don't have much experience in this area, however, I'm in the same boat as you.

    If I had to pick, I would say that there is chance he is Bi. Either way I'd say he loves spending time with you and it sounds like he wants to be goods friends

    I can understand why you think that he might be gay or bi. The unfortunate truth is unless he tells you or makes it obvious about his sexuality there is no way to know for sure. I suggest just asking him, but remember if he is gay or bi he might not be ready to come out so be reassuring that you wont treat and think of him any differently.

    Good luck I hope it all goes well :icon_bigg
     
  3. newyearproblem

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    So today, I had a friend over and we were discussing about having a a party tomorrow. My friend and my roommate were talking about their preferences such as the size of girls chests. My friend asked my roommate what his preferences are on girls chest size and all he said was just "enough" size.... but he didn't seem like he was that into them.


    Socceroo, thank you for your reply. :slight_smile:
     
  4. SocceRoo

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    no problem newyearproblem :lol:

    Well that would make me a little bit suspicious just because I'd probably be the same. XD

    Roughly how old is he? Is he shy around women? Is it possible he could've been distracted (with a problem of some sort)?

    If he is gay or mostly into men then these Q's will make him uncomfortable. so maybe drop a few questions like that out of the blue? just don't over do it, because I know I wouldn't like it if someone kept making me feel uncomfortable. :icon_wink

    Good luck :thumbsup:
     
  5. LooseMoose

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    why are you wondering if he is gay/bi?

    do you possibly like him more than just a friend?

    To me your post read as if there is a lot of tension between the two of you, and I was at times thinking "just make out already"!


    Some people are flirty withe same sex without even acknowledging to themselves their same-ex attraction, it could be that your roommate is one of those people: openly questioning him would make him become scared, but on the other hand he sounds like he could be open to experimenting, if this is what you want.

    If you are interested in him then, since you are already pretty physical with each other, maybe you could give him an affectionate kiss on the cheek/hug him after one of your tickle sessions? It is something that could be retracted as just friendly affection, but could lead to more, if he is interested.
     
  6. newyearproblem

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    LooseMoose, Thank you for your response. :slight_smile: Yes, I actually do like him... I do not want to make it awkward by telling him though even if he is okay with it. I am scared of losing him, a friend.

    Sometimes I feel like he might be bi who is pretending to be straight. He is from a redneck family. I do not know if his parents are okay with gay, lesbian, bi, etc...
    He would say things like "That girl is cute" while we drive somewhere together.

    I don't know...


    SoccerRoo:
    He is in his early 20s. I do not think he is shy around girls particularly. He is shy around people that he is not used, but that is the same for everyone. I have invited a few people over one time. Mostly girls. One of them was just flirting with him. The next day, I told him that she was all over him. And his response was something like "I don't think so.. eh." I thought that was a little odd. That girl was pretty cute and good looking. My other friends would say something like, "Invite her more often so I can get to know her." or "What is her number?" So that was a different experience....
     
  7. SocceRoo

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    I guess that is odd and makes it sound convincing.


    Yea I'll admit it took me a while to acknowledge and come out to myself that I might be into the same sex (about 5 years all up). I think openly asking him would make him scared, but only if he's not ready or in denial.

    I literally am in the same situation. It's hard when you think he might be gay or bi but not sure if he is and the odds are against you. I got a some useful feedback on my post if u want to read: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/166521-crushing-un-crushable.html
     
  8. newyearproblem

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    My roommate asked me if I would visit him at his work during summer. It is at least 3 hours away. I asked him what we can do there and he said he will probably be working but can grab a beer. I didn't see the point of visiting him if I can't even hang out with him...

    A few days ago, I was very moody all day. I didn't talk that much nor did much. My roommate finished his homework and wanted to play game. He asked me if I would like to join him. I thought playing game might help so I did join him. When I was sitting on the couch, he grabbed blankets and put them on me. He made sure that I was tucked in. I said, "You're scarring me." He asked me why. I answered him by saying, "Because you are being so nice to me." His next response was "it is because you're moody." :slight_smile: It felt good. so I asked him "So as long as I'm moody, you'll be nice?" and he answered with sarcasm that at that point he would tell me to get over it and slap me

    My printer/scanner is not installed into my laptop yet. My roommate had to use my scanner so I went into my room and installed the driver in my laptop. My roommate felt bad so he told me I do not have to do it now, but I just did it at that moment because I had to do it sometime. So I spent about half an hour in my room with my door partially closed. My roommate was keep calling me to come out and that I didn't have to do it now. He called my nickname a few times. I didn't response back to him so he said something along the line with "Fine you can stay in your room."
     
  9. pinkpanther

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    If you're in your early twenties, it might be just a bromance. You're both very young, in your prime age, and you're around each other a lot of the time. It's okay for people to get very close to each other... Even if they're from the same sex.

    My experience with that. I have actually kissed, very nicely, someone on the cheek and then I observed his face for any blushing signs... If you can measure his pulse, do it! If he's into you his heart rate will skyrocket. But, you have to be close or else he might hit you in the face. It can be creepy but it is a perfectly good test to see if he likes you.

    p.s. His didn't blush. Nowadays, he's in a long term relationship with a girl.
     
    #9 pinkpanther, Jan 25, 2015
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  10. newyearproblem

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    Pinkpanther,

    Maybe it is a bromance... the more I think about it, I cannot really picture him as bi or gay... he seems too straight. :/
     
  11. trent19

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    Another thing you could check for is how physical he gets with his other close friends if they don't "tickle fight" or touch as often that might be a sign that hes into you.

    I agree with @LooseMoose pulling him in for a friendly hug after hes done something really nice sounds like a good idea. And if you can listen for changes in his breathing or check for blushing that might be the telltale sign you are looking for. :icon_wink

    Also does he know you're gay?
     
  12. nothereanymo

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    I think, given the fact that you are so close, you could either ask him if he's straight OR tell him you are not.
    But make sure that the fact you tell him that will not make him drift away from you...
     
  13. newyearproblem

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    Trent 19,
    Thank you for your reply. I don't know how physical he gets with his friends. I actually have not met a lot of his friends.... But he does act "straight" with them. When he was with his friends, to my eyes, there is no doubt that he is either gay or bi. He seemed like just a straight guy.

    I know, though, that he thinks about how people perceive him. I was talking to him and our conversation ended very funny. It could have been taken as very sexual too. I post on facebook if things are funny so I was about to post our conversation. He asked me not to because he did not want people to know about it.

    But the weird thing is, when we were driving with our mutual friend, she said we (my roommate and I) look very cute together. He did not disagree with it. He did not even say anything that expresses the idea of disliking it.

    Notthereanymo,
    Thank you for your reply also. :slight_smile: I do not know if I should ask him now. Maybe later.



    SocceRoo,
    I noticed that you have left me a wall message. I tried leaving you one but I could not because I have less than 10 posts total on this web site. It will not let me send you a private message either...
     
  14. hat123

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    I think it's a good idea for you to start asking him, especially if he doesn't show those kind of behaviours towards other friends. Maybe you can subtly clue in about your feeling or subtly ask about his feeling about you. But well, nothing is certain until you ask, no? If you can't wait already and want to know the absolute truth, just ask! Good luck! Hopefully he'll be cool about you asking him.
     
  15. SocceRoo

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    newyearproblem,
    That's ok man I had the same problem for a while. post on some game threads or something to get your posts up?

    Do you have any other friends/acquaintances you know are gay or bi? you could ask them what they think he is? you could also ask him what he thinks of them?
     
  16. newyearproblem

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    Hello SocceRoo,
    We talked about gay and lesions as our topic. He said in the US, it is OK for girls to be less Ian but guys can't be gays. He said it is sad reality. He is ok with them. I have talked to my friend the first thing she asked me was whether his parents are conservative or not. If they are conservative, he might be trying to suppress his sexuality because his parents are not ok with it.

    ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2015 at 11:14 AM ----------

    Hi hat123, thanks. I think I will ask him later. I think if I ask him now, then he might feel uncomfortable. I do not want to jeopardize our friendship. :slight_smile:
     
  17. Afterfshn

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    It's cute theres a thin line between bromance and a romance. Im going through it too, its hard because my mind is working overtime analyzing every little thing. I can relate to the story because its so intense when you are with this person and you dont want to ruin it with coming on to him. My advice is to touch him more and look at how he reacts and drop really small hints! Almost flirting
     
  18. newyearproblem

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    Afterfshn,
    Thank you for your response. Yes, it is driving me insane. I wanna know right now, but if I start asking him stuff, I feel like I will make him feel uncomfortable especially when he seems like he does not want people to think wrong of him. He seems like he is pretty cautious at times. We still do wrestle and stuff sometimes.
     
  19. Afterfshn

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    Yeah i get that, same here! My crush is being hot and cold to me, one minute he is All over me en THE next minute i dont even exist. I dont know what to do either because i feel like if i wont make any moves nothing will happen, you know what i mean? But lately i've been making a lot of physical contact and i think he likes it! He is always touching my ass when nobody is around.
     
  20. newyearproblem

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    Afterfshn, I know exactly what you mean. I am going through that right now as well. One minute, he is VERY friendly and the next min, he isn't... Sometimes, he just ignores me.
     
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