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best friend is confusing the shit out of me. gay, bi, straight? who's knows?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bearhug1994, Jan 22, 2015.

  1. bearhug1994

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    Please read and please give me your opinion. Been awhile since I been on here but I need help again. It's about the same guy. Im still in love. He still hasn't said anything about it. We still touch each other but not as much I kinda think he may be scared because he thinks I'm onto him. But I've been going to his house like every weekend and so far I'm the only one out of all our friends that he invites over. But last weekend I went and stayed with him and Sunday he road back to the town I live in with me and he's been staying with another friend. But why wen we get around other people he acts so different around me. He's not at all like he is wen it's just us two. He won't hardly even look at me. But he holds eye contact with everyone else. And he does with me wen were alone. It's like he's my best friend until he's around my other buddy. Do yall think his feelings have went to someone else? I can't help but be tor up inside. I had a dream the other night we made out and it was so awesome. I've been trying to have another but it hasn't worked yet. I want him so bad so please any advice is good I just need others opinions.
    And o yea in case it matters we used to be super close. Like so close we hardly ever sat by 3ach other without being up against each other. Like wen we played video games wed be touching from the hip down and leaning onto each others arms. I mean I could feel him pushing his leg onto mine and I would push Back and he would push harder. We've slept in the bed with me a few times and we were touching all night every time. I even held his hand one night and he didn't say nothing but he was awake I think because the rest of his body would adjust around but his hand laying in mine stayed perfectly still. Please please help I have never talked to anyone bout this and it sux seeing the views raise and Noone replies. I just want to know how to get to him. How do I make him feel how he makes me feel. He's breaking my heart but I don't think he relizes it. Is there not any way to make him see what he's doing to me by acting so wishy washy? I really think I'm in love. I never have been before but there's just somthing about this guy I swear.

    And another point. I'm the jealous type and wen he is acting like he is more this other guys friend I can't help but show that I'm upset and I don't want all my friends to think I got feelings for my buddy. But It seems harder for me to act twords him around others the same as we do alone to. So what's really going on? Is there not some really smart therapist on here that can tell me somthing?
     
  2. EpicConfusion

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    I think that he might just be confused about how he feels towards you right now. If he has developed feelings for you, they're probably destroying everything that he thought he new about his sexuality. It sounds to me as if he does probably like you, but he's still coming to terms with it. He may be struggling with guilt because of his feelings because he thinks that they are wrong for one reason or another.

    Maybe you should ask him subtly if he is bisexual, or if he likes guys at all and see where that takes you. You should first get a feel for his thoughts on the LGBT community to make sure you don't offend him because if you just ask him if he likes guys out of the blue he may become angry if he's dealing with internalized homophobia. I would suggest asking him what he thinks of an LGBT event such as the new US Supreme Court case where they might legalize gay marriage in all the states simultaneously. (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/17/u...e-whether-gays-nationwide-can-marry.html?_r=0) Then if he expresses his approval, it's probably safe to ask. Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. bearhug1994

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    And a little back info. He knows I'm bi and I told him a long time ago that I have feelings for him. But he never slept with me until I told him I liked him. What's up with that? And that's wen he basically wen he stopped pushing his body parts onto me in front of people anyway. And I think he stopped because I ask him about it and of course he denied everything. How can I get him to open up to me?
     
  4. Gen

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    There are a few possibilities here that we have to consider and must of them aren't necessarily going to have the outcomes that we might desperately want, but they are outcomes that we'll have to learn to accept.

    First, there is the possibility that he is being truthful and the romantic feelings aren't mutual. We tend to not give much though to physical contact or lighthearted suggestive or flirtatious comments when it comes to people we are not attracted to. When we find ourselves attracted to another individual, every touch, glance, or statement seems to carry far more weight. Imagine the people in your life who you almost see as siblings and you feel fairly comfortable leaning on their shoulder or something that under other circumstances could be seen as romantically affectionate. That is the problem when you have one person with romantic feelings and another with only platonic feelings. They both have a desire to be close and affection towards one another, but they are obviously gong to interpret those things differently.

    Secondly, we have the possibility that he is in denial about these feelings. He might not be at a place where he feels comfortable acknowledging his attractions, or he might even be aware but afraid to admit or act on them.

    The reason why I have offered specific advice on what to do in either of those situations is because the advice that I would give is the same. You have to work on moving on. Whether or not another man is capable of loving you becomes irrelevant when he is unable to acknowledge those feelings. You've come out. You've confronted him on his actions. You have done everything possible to give him the opportunity to express feelings for you. The fact that he hasn't after all of these months means that he is either being truthful or he refuses to do so. There is simply nothing you can do to change that.

    Above all, you deserve better. You deserve someone who adores you enough to know that you are something special from the very beginning. You can't spend your life waiting for that one person to recognize the things that you have to offer. If you have truly fallen for him, then this will absolutely be easier said than done. Unrequited love is essentially a rite of passage for most sexual minorities unfortunately; but there comes a time when we have to accept that nothing will likely come of waiting around for someone.