Hello all you wonderful people! I feel silly asking for this kind of help at my age, but since I have never been in a relationship before I couldn't be more clueless on the subject. :dry: So I have been talking with this openly gay guy from my university that I really like for roughly a few weeks. We finally met in person last Monday and I thought it went really well. We both talked and laughed, although he did most of the talking because I am a little shy. We texted each other later that day and a little bit on Tuesday. All seemed great until Wednesday morning when I sent a small "good morning!" type message and never got a response. It kind of bothered me, but I thought maybe he didn't see it or something so I didn't think too much of it. I realize now I should have probably just let it be, but it was starting to really bother me that I hadn't heard from him so I sent a quick "hey!" late Thursday evening. No response again. :eusa_doh: Now I will say that I did notice later that he had been to some sort of party or something when I sent the message, but he still hasn't ever responded or started a conversation since then. Even I know that one would conclude he obviously isn't interested anymore, but he hasn't stopped liking my Instagram posts to this day. Not exactly the biggest thing in the world but I would think if you lost interest that would kind of stop. The thing that is really throwing me off though is over the weekend I decided to download (an unnamed dating app in which you swipe through people and are matched if you both swipe right lol). So while I was in class the other day I was looking through and he popped up. I swiped right just for the heck of it even though I was pretty sure there was no hope, and the "you have been matched!" screen popped up. :icon_redf So at some point this week he had to make a point to "like" me on that app, which I would think means he is still interested in me. I just don't understand why he hasn't texted me or something for over a week now if that is the case? I don't think I would dare try texting him though, since I have two un-responded messages from me in our thread... I have been thinking about it nonstop for a long time, and of course am blaming everything I did or didn't do. Do you think I was starting to get annoying texting every day even though we had just met in person? I'm sure I am grossly overthinking this but I have no idea what I should do? Just wait? Opinions on whether or not you think he even still sounds interested? :help:
Try talking to him in person or texting him through that app if it's possible. Maybe there's something wrong with his phone.
Hey thanks for the suggestions. I would talk to him in person, but it's not common for me to just run into him. We study in two different parts of the university so I'm afraid if I intentionally hang around his area just to see him it might come off as "stalkerish". I can message him from the app, but I'm 99.9% there isn't anything wrong with his phone since he is still constantly on social media. What would I even say after having sent two messages prior without receiving a response? ---------- Post added 23rd Jan 2015 at 11:58 PM ---------- That's what I was thinking Jonnemack! I like the optimism for sure I just cant figure out why the silence for so long and what I should do, (if anything) because I feel like the ball is in his playing field now or however you say that. Lol
Please don't take this as a criticism Tiger, but the two messages you sent were fairly low key. "Good morning" and "Hey" are somewhat lacking and could be easily overlooked, especially if he was busy. "Hey" could even be seen as indifferent, I'm afraid. I'm sure that wasn't your intention and may be down to your shyness, but just be aware. I would suggest you send him another, more substantive text and maybe include a question for him to reply to. Tell him how much you enjoyed meeting him and talking to him. Ask how he is and maybe ask if he would like to meet up again (questions). I wouldn't assume he is not interested just yet. Ask him some open questions and see if he responds. If he does respond, maybe text back and see if he is free to chat. Don't give up too easily.
I really like this advice. It seems pretty on point. Before reading these comments I was going to say that he probably wants to see you open up a little more (totally assuming but you did mention he's ultra open and he probably would prefer not going back in the closet for you). So, I think he likes you, but he might just want to see you doing gestures that show that you like him more and also wants to see you open up about your sexuality more. And if you like someone, you feel more vulnerable and scared to make so many moves (especially with someone who you might feel will cause you some stigma), but he has to appreciate your attempts if you try to go in a little more with what Patrick was saying about a more substantive text message. Also, you might want to realize that this isn't his first rodeo like it is yours. He knows you like him and he probably likes the attention as much as you would. However, he also probably knows that you being a newbie to the scene that it would be better for you to make the moves than for him to since him making all the moves and making it easy might make you like him less and this slight detachment kind of makes you want him more, yeah? Obviously there is no super dooper awesome evidence for what I'm saying, but just something to think about. Good luck! Let us know what happens! (*hug*)
Thanks Patrick! Criticism is a good thing sometimes I didn't even consider how "hey" is somewhat indifferent, but that is true. The main reason I used it was because that was how he had started conversations in the past, which kind of makes a lot more sense now after reading Sublime's post below as well. I think I will maybe try to send him a more substantive message later today and see how it goes. Sublime, I think you have hit the nail on the head with a lot of your points! I had been thinking I might not have been communicating my affection as well as I should. You have me thinking even more about how HE thinks I feel about him from our interactions so far. I definitely think you are completely right that I need to be a little more open about my sexuality and do more to show him I like him. I wish how I felt in my head would translate better to my words and actions! :lol: He also had posted earlier this morning how he "likes things he can't have so much that he pushes them away" so I think that is pretty solid evidence that I probably failed in the communication department. Everything you said about him being a little more passive and wanting me to make the moves also makes a lot of sense now. Especially with Patrick pointing out that "Hey" is a bit indifferent, and that is always how he started conversations, so I'm thinking maybe he wanted me to set the tone of the conversation or something if that makes sense. Both of your advice has helped me a lot! I will definitely keep you all updated. I think am gonna send him another message sometime today and see how it goes. What do you guys think about something like "Hey [name]! How have you been? We should hang out again soon, I really enjoyed last time!" Does that sound alright?
Go for it! You have a question in there for him to respond to and if you don't try, you will never know.
Just a quick update! I sent the message as I planned yesterday and he responded right away! We even met up last night and hung out until the early morning hours. :icon_bigg I worked on being more open and straightforward about my sexuality in person as well, and I think it went real well. I can't thank you all enough for the help, it completely turned around the situation and certainly made me feel better about everything! Off topic, but it did bother me that I had to lie to my parents about where I really was going because they trust me a lot and I never want to break that trust, but oh well there isn't really much I can do about it at the moment. :eusa_liar
Yay!!!! I so loved hearing about this! Coming out to the parents is a whole other thing that can only happen when you're ready Make another post about it if you need advice about that too
Good to hear this news. Hope you can build on it now. You might want to see how things go and then think about the issue with your parents.
