Hey guys! Ever since last year, I met a very unique girl. We're both eccentric characters and we connect telepathically over various topics and can still challenge each other amicably. We're sarcastic and witty, and such nerdy goofs. But..... She's very flirtatious or unbelievably friendly. It's hard telling whether her affection or friendliness indicate her attraction to me. We always joke who made the first move in this friendship because we're both weird(in a good way haha). She loves to hug me and place her head on my shoulders. We will interlock our arms in the ways that couples often do. I feel a bit uncomfortable because I feel she doesn't feel appreciated by her efforts if in fact she has a crush on my. We have lots of contact, unusual for me, so if true, the fact is very obvious. We have called each other "love" and "dear" "soul mates". She calls me "bae" now:icon_redf....but I like it. Perhaps we are already a couple and refuse to call it such because we have no "name" for what we share. Due to our close friendship, our entire Track team has practically "shipped" us and for this, there is a sense of urgency to ask her out. Otherwise, I would seem a jerk to deny her this because I have other crushes, and I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with the girl mentioned. Or I'm afraid this might indicate my orientation(questioning and not out) Our relationship is purely emotional and platonic, and although it is bliss, I fear further intimacy would result in me being unable to perform sexually. If this happens A)It will ruin our friendship B)She may think I'm not attracted to her C)It will be embarrassing. Sex is confusing enough for straight people. How's it to say my confused attractions will not confound this pivotal "first time"? I identify as bisexual, but I lean towards men. Woman rarely cause me to think sexually, but like this friend, I develop such deep emotional bonds more easily with girls than with boys. She is not the first, but she is the longest "crush" I ever had and the one I know the best. I'm very reserved and insecure so I feel I bore females or don't say enough. I call them "crushes" for lack of a better name because all they seem to be are inaccessible dreams. These dreams are never sexual and involve lots of kissing and emotional aspects of a their personalities. I feel my "bisexuality" is just another form of my denial. Maybe I can't accept that I'm completely gay? Maybe I am forcing myself unconsciously to seek a sexual connection to a girl because I have never been with one? Could it just be friends? I have dealt with an intense deal of internalized homophobia, ridiculed, and currently accepting it. I'm a very sensitive type of guy, romantic at my most extremes. Yeah, your typical hopeless romantic archetype dealing with the pains of unrequited love. I analyze my life as if it were a movie:dry: Any advice/insight would be amazing.:help:
Hey Love! I think a really helpful thing for your relationship with her is pretty simple if you're able to do it with her. That is - just be honest. I don't think it would hurt your relationship by telling her exactly how you feel as exactly how you described. Man, in high school I thought there were a whole bunch of straighties and as we grew up it was quite surprising to know that a lot and I mean A LOT of people question their orientation but are closeted during high school. It's super cliché to say "don't worry about the labels," but seriously, when you're able to let go of those thoughts and just realize that different people make you feel a certain way, you literally start to just feel more confident about the world. It really doesn't matter if you're "completely gay" (whatever that really means since it's okay to just have your sexual orientation being fluid) or "bisexual". Another thing about labels for sexual orientation is that you have to realize that it is abstract. You can label a banana or dog or table really easily because they're concrete things. Yet, sexuality, love, death, the universe and all the stuff people like to think about are abstract and cannot be as readily defined. Also, I hope you know that many of us have been where you are before and been through the same cycle of identity and acceptance stuff with ourselves. I'd like to say you'll totally have figured out later in life, but the thing is there's always stuff we're questioning. I can say though, as time goes on and the more honest you are, you'll be more and more certain of the essence of you. Well, I hope that helps at all. Good luck with life and love
Honesty is my only choice I figured. I've been thinking of the best way to confess it to her as I tend to digress and fidget when I'm nervous. I want my point to be clear. She has mentioned homosexuality several times and per her words has said,"The world should let homosexual people live because they are still human"...I wonder if she questions it herself or was trying to get to me to open up. We discussed the genetics and environment of it because every word between us requires a complicated explanation lol. She has told me jokingly she will never get married and subtly implied she might end up with a girl. Seems like everyone is confused like you said. I'm working on dismantling the labels and just experiencing love unrestrained. Love is abstract because it cannot be described objectively , but must be felt in the mind to be understood. Thank you for telling me that. You helped me find the encouragement to get to my next point.
Hello Xylaz, I am not sure I can help you. But I can at least tell you a little about me and maybe it will help. I am a bit older as a matter of fact, my children are 27 and 30. I came out to my family some 10 years ago that I was gay. But I have known that I was gay all my life. You see when I was your age it was said a gay man can be taught not to be gay - Right!.. As I read your story, what sticks out to me is when you said "I identify as bisexual, but I lean towards men". Please - this is my opinion only.... If your already leaning towards men than I think those feelings will not get turned around by your girlfriend. Also, never believe a woman who says " I can change him". Because what you are is what you are. Being gay is not a choice. It's best that you understand your feelings first. Don't get your self into a relationship which in the long run may hurt both sides. I hope this help and i wish you the very best my friend. John
I agree with sublimeprincess in that labels don't matter, but honesty towards yourself and towards her are important. You clearly care about her in some platonic sense, but it sounds like a sexual relationship wouldn't work by your own admission. You did say that women rarely cause you to think sexually - can you think of the last time this happened and what caused it to happen? Could this be the same for her? I see that you might not want to 'come out' which is completely okay if you're not ready, however being honest will help things greatly. Telling her how you feel will help you re-assess your feelings and judge whether the relationship could go further. I hope this has given you something to consider and good luck on your journey.
I admit my intentions may not be the best because I am slightly pressured to pursue this person. My moods are inconstant and I do have other girls I am feeling something for. She clearly likes me and it would tear me up to lose her as a friend and still end up alone when my advances are unreciprocated. This friend: I idolize and cherish her company too much to lose it. I am not denying that I might fall in love with a guy because in all honesty I am open to that possibility. However being closeted makes this hope too slim and and chances are bleak because most assume I am straight( I'm very masculine). I am not desperate for a relationship, but it does get lonely especially since this culture appears to frown on singles and advocates for couples and love and all of that jazz. I've insinuated to close friends and my "girlfriend" included that "I appreciate a guy's looks" or may be "bisexual". They were cool and I talked about my types and the things I would do. We joke sexually a lot and I stated that I am not opposed to gays, but was curious as to what it is like in an experimental sense. It was a pretty open and jokeful discussion filled with lighthearted "gay-jokes" towards me, but it was not malignant in any way. Would that be progress? I don't know, but the word "gay" no longer bothers me anymore and I feel like it is. I am open to whatever I may be. It has and thanks for replying. I am trying to drop the labels but ironically they help me form a baseline and a platform to gauge my identity from. I don't use it as a limiting definition of who I am. Like she said, I feel very "fluid" and I realized that comes with many confusions of its own as with everything. I will never lie to her, but I am a very meticulous and precise person so I need to know my handle on things before I blurt things out impulsively. Usually I see woman on the magazines or tv and I am always caught by their beautiful faces, not so much their bodies. I appreciate the aesthetics of their body, but occasionally it is sexually. Some days, I am very turned on and I feel the same way as if it were a guy. I've realized I have very particular types that cause this. I feel weird mentioning porn, but I guess it is relevant. I get slightly turned on by the woman. A while ago, I saw a lesbian scene and was more aroused. This is usually the case compared to straight scenes. They take longer for me to finish as opposed to man-to-man which are quicker because they arouse me more intensely.
