Need help in deciphering...

Long story short... My crush on a coworker started when she began to surreptitiously touch my arm with her arm. After several times, I thought I should return some gestures but I clumsily done them rather roughly. Thereafter, she stopped touching surreptitiously. However, she still occasionally smiled sweetly.

Then one day, she invited me to go overseas with her for holiday (4D3N). Sure, I agreed. But travel date was about 5 months away.

During this time, I stopped interacting with her. She smiled so sweetly that I was afraid I might lose self control. And also because she stopped coming to my desk. She would occasionally be a jerk to me. Maybe it's her true character to be a jerk to those who are close to her...

Then came the travel date. She was so nice during the first 2 days. Then, from the 3rd day onwards, she was cold towards me. However, since we bought similar items to bring home, we had them packed in a box. And checked the box in as a checked-in package. She said she'll bring mine to the office on the first day of our working day from holiday. However, she handed them over to me in a foul mood attitude.

Not only I had to endure her "attitude" that handing-over day but also the day when we boarded the plane for the returning flight. Since she booked the tickets, she knew our seat numbers. She only told me about our departure flight seat numbers (different rows) but not the returning flight. So, I didn't know she would be sitting beside me on our returning flight. When we reached my seat only then I found out that she would be sitting beside me. But I was a bit hesitant in which above compartment I was to put my carry-on since there were not much room left. She became irritated and moved some of the bags already there in a rather angry state. So, I quickly put mine in one and took my seat. Talk about enduring other's mood and attitude.

After seeing her "best" attitude, I decided to stay away from her. I felt hurt. I don't want to be hurt again. Even now, when I think about it, I feel so hurt and sad.

Now, after some weeks of me avoiding her, she would occasionally try to talk to me nicely in the open area like near the photocopy machine. The other day, she asked me and some other coworkers if we would like to join in on a discounted coupon lunch. Sure, we all joined in and enjoyed our lunch.

I don't understand why now she tries to be friendly with me after being cold to me. Every time I stabilised my emotions, she would try to make small talk with me. Then, my emotions go whack again. I become sad and kinda depressed. After some days, my emotions stabilised and go whack again when she again make some talk with me. Just she talking to me makes my emotions go all over the place. Again, I try to avoid running into her.

Please try to decipher her actions and explain them to me. She's confusing me. First nice, then horrible, then nice again. What does she want?

I don't even know if I still like her. Every time I think of her "you-know" treatments towards me, I feel hurt and sad and depressed.

The other day, I thought of telling her that I like her. But when I think of her treatments, they make me think that she doesn't like me. And I'm beginning to feel that I don't like her anymore.

I don't know myself anymore. Do I still like her? What are her intentions? Why nice now?

 

Thanks for the feedback. Greatly appreciated it.

There was something else that happened during the overseas trip which I cannot understand. It was on the first day. We were walking on the pedestrian sidewalk. I was walking slightly behind her. Suddenly I grabbed her arm from behind to move her sideways so that she wouldn't step on something on the sidewalk. However, instead of budging (i.e. not moving to a side), she became quite stiff (froze) and unyielding. Only after I pointed out the object on the sidewalk, did she move sideways. And thereafter she continued on as if nothing happened.

I'm confused as to why she froze when I grabbed her arm from behind and only yielded when the object was pointed out to her.

Please explain to me why she stiffen up.

 

Hi! Thank you so much for your thoughts.

She's acting weird now. So confusing...
Last Saturday, I was feeling mischievous and so I sent her a message asking her if she'll come pick me up to go shopping. She replied immediately that she's not free in her normal way of replying. Then, on Monday, when we met at the office, she tried to act as if nothing happened but from her mannerism I seem to sense as if she's uncomfortable with what had transpired that Saturday. Later on, she looked lethargic and was telling others that she's sleepy. Then, on Tuesday, she avoided talking to me but talked normally with others.

I really cannot understand why she acted the way she did. Has she had a change of heart? Or is she trying to tell me to stop interacting with her? Or did I push a wrong button or something? Why is she acting like this? She's confusing me.

Please explain why she acted the way she did.

 

FYI, now at my place, it's early morning Wednesday.

---------- Post added 11th Feb 2015 at 05:33 AM ----------

Please help me by explaining to me as best as you can, why now she has stopped talking to me. Is she afraid? But I don't understand why be afraid.

Should I talk to her and ask her for an explanation? But in our culture, it's not polite to ask directly. I'm at odds.

 

Hi jay777! Thank you very much for your point of view and how you would handle the situations. To me, they are most helpful in understanding what's going on. Especially, what to do. Much much appreciate them.

Actually, the message was sent via WhatsApp. And she replied using WhatsApp, too. Would the situation be different if the message was sent via WhatsApp instead of email?
Another colleague of ours informed me that she was actually busy at that moment. So, she wasn't lying.

Would asking her out, say, for lunch, considered slow approach, friendly and not overwhelming?
(Since our office toilet is not outside but is within our office and next to the photocopier and near other colleagues' tables, conversations would be within earshot.)

Usually, she will wait for a parking lot before coming to office and sometimes it takes up to half an hour before she gets one. Do you think it'll be all right if I speak to her in her car during this period?
Or asking her out is better? Or maybe some other situation?

Should I ask her what she thinks of LGBT or just assume she's one since her sister is a tomboy (trans). And she has surreptitiously touched my arm and gazed into my eyes rather intently last year, before we stopped speaking to each other last year. FYI, she started speaking to me last month ie end of January 2015. And now she has stopped speaking to me. I just wish she would make up her mind. Why did she stopped talking to me again? Is it due to her inner conflict?

I don't understand how the message I sent via WhatsApp on 7th February (Saturday) caused her confusing behaviour towards me. Do you think I have stirred up some emotions? Any opinions? Please, I need all the help I can get.

Should I wait till she speaks to me again before I proceed to talk to her about all these?
FYI, last Saturday (14th February), when I asked her if she knows how to burn cd using windows 7, she answered me rather coldly that she doesn't. The cd burning was work-related.

Please help me. All your points of view mean a lot to me.

 

Hi Jay777,
Sorry I took such a long time to reply.
It's because only just these few weeks I worked up my courage to try to ask her out.
It was like this:
First I wrote a small note, actually it's part of a song, telling her that I acted cool to hide my true feelings. That I'm afraid that I may not be able to make good any affections I have for her. So, I don't dare to be close to her.
I placed this small note, addressed to her, on her table before she arrived in the morning for work.
Then, after she left for home, I took a look at her table and saw that she had opened the note and left it on her table at the place where she puts her mobile phone. And the piece of paper, folded back except for the last fold, could be seen by anyone.
Therefore, I took the paper. Later, I sent her a message via WhatsApp asking if she's free the coming weekend for lunch. She replied very quickly with one single word "No".
(Before this, I had sent a message asking her out for lunch Saturday but she replied she's not free in her normal way.)
I was devastated with her reply. Because that's her way of saying no more contact especially outside of work.

After I had cooled down, I decided to sent her a message telling her that I had only wanted to talk with her in private and to show my cards and hopefully she will too. And that the least I wanted was to be a colleague. And asking her to forgive me if I had hurt her in any way and I apologise for all the hurt I caused her. I told her that because I like her, I couldn't bear the pain of looking and liking her from a distance so I distanced myself. And that I couldn't look at her directly and be close to her because of the pain of never ever to be able to have her. And that I have now accepted the fact that it was not meant to be in the first place and that I shall not pursue any further other than just be colleagues. I added a PS telling her that on the final night of our overseas trip I had wanted to tell her that I like her but didn't manage to tell her because I was afraid of losing her. I mentioned that when I think about that, I don't even have her in the first place. Then, I told her that I don't know how she would have reacted and that probably with disgust.
Then, on the next day, she didn't act any different, that is she's still cold towards me and didn't even want to look at me.

After a couple of days later, as I was talking to another colleague, she entered the office and taken by surprise I kinda stopped in mid sentence and tried continuing our conversation but rather awkwardly. I guess she thought we were talking about her maybe.
However, the next day, she took off her ankle bracelet with a small bell. And hence, I'm unable to hear when she moves around in the office. Because whenever I hear her ankle bell, I would try to stop any conversations and move away or I'll avoid colliding with her in the office.
She still treats me as if I'm invisible.

My question is why she took it off? Is it because so that she'll know what I'm talking to other people? Or so that I would act more natural? Or she wants me to act more natural and that she wants to approach me again? Or maybe now that I have z her what's on my mind, she's thinking of becoming a colleague?
Any insights are very much appreciated.

Another matter is that she now offers her help to colleagues whom I'm quite close to, without them asking for her help. And may I add 'very helpful'. Previously she didn't offer her help automatically, and when some of my other colleagues asked for her help, she'll help if she feels like it. She started being very helpful after she didn't want to help me for the first time (previously whenever I ask for her help she'll help me). So, since then, I haven't ask for her help.
What's her point? Trying to tell me that she rather help others but me?