I'm starting to think maybe there might be something wrong with me or the way I'm handling things when it comes to relationships. For the 4th time in a row now I've started seeing someone and after they've either said they weren't looking for a serious LTR or that they only wanted to have fun I've found out that just weeks later they now have a boyfriend and I'm kinda tossed aside and left wondering "Wtf? Am I not worthy of being that guy or something?" To top it off I went on a date/just to meet and hangout with a guy I met online just yesterday and after talking he told me that we wouldn't work out because I was TOO good for him. He went on to explain that after finding out everything I've been through growing up and how my life was complete shit for a while and I completely have everything together now that it was something intimidating. And that it might be just that which is scaring off a lot of guys. I never thought that finally getting my personal life to a happy point would ruin my dating life. I thought back too and I remember my ex had mentioned the same thing before too about how he had everything handed to him and being with someone that was younger and also in a better spit than he was was something a bit scary ambitious. After hearing this twice now and the recent string of guys that tell me they don't want a bf but then days/weeks later are all in a lovey relationship could this be a sign for me to just give up?
It's certainly not a sign that you should give up. It might be a sign that you should modify your approach when first meeting and getting to know people. Many folks may be put off by someone who gets so deep into their past personal life as you imply you are doing on the first meeting or a first date or whatever. I can understand the impulse - I had a pretty crappy life growing up and early on, so much so that my 'normal' (and what I consider no big deal to discuss) can sometimes strike others as pretty extreme, especially when just getting to know someone. I've learned to usually either tone it down or draw out talking about that kind of thing until people know me a bit better. I'm also kind of wondering how much of a chance you are giving them to talk about themselves if you're managing to relate all this information in the course of one meeting. Some of this may also depend on just how much of a turnaround we are talking about here. If you've gone from living on the streets hooked on drugs to owning your own business and employing a dozen people by age 21 (or something equivalent), then most folks are going to find that intimidating and may also worry about being able to relate to you. Beyond that, if you are actually looking for a relationship, why are you sticking around with a guy if he's indicating that's not what he's looking for? How are you meeting these people? Perhaps you should look to a dating site or the like that would allow you to more clearly express what you are looking for in a guy. Or look at some venues, such as Meetups, social activism and charity work, or church (if you're of a religious mind) where you have a chance to get to know people as friends and colleagues first and possible relationship material second. My 2c worth, Todd
Going back and reading my post I can see where I didn't really type that out clearly. The guy in reference telling me how my present state is a bit intimidating based on everything I've had to overcome is someone I've been talking to since Halloween. We just finally met yesterday though. While we were talking the topic of family came up and he said something along the lines of "You haven't mentioned your family but I imagine they must be amazing to have raised someone like you" to which I corrected that it's actually just the opposite. While my past is something I'm completely open with it isn't something I just throw out there from the beginning because I know that some people can be judgemental. Like my ex and his family. I don't normally tend to meet people right away after talking online (though I would prefer it) because most usually associate that with sex. Most of these guys have been from ******, *******, and the such. Sadly I live very close to the famous/infamous West Hollywood so that comes with the mindset of a lot of the guys there.
