Could use some opinions on a really big relationship issue

I decided to post here because I'm hoping someone can relate to this and tell me what they did in that situation. Though, if that doesn't happen, at least some opinions on whether or not I am being a jackass would be helpful too!

I have been with my girlfriend for about nine months now. I love her, would do pretty much anything for her, and HAVE done pretty much everything I can for her.

There are only two things that I have said I can't do, and one of them is due to time/money issues but I plan to do.

So the two things I said I can't do: Give up my son (that will never happen) and the second one is, I'm currently separated from my husband (I got married before I came out), but do to financial reasons it would be a while before I could leave him.

So the issue:

I told her that by the summer of next year I should be in a place where I can afford us a new apartment and everything be able to provide for her and I. I have made it clear to everyone in my life that I am no longer with him, and have introduced her, and have been telling my family of plans to divorce my ex. She's no secret, and my family even tries to include her in everything.

That being said, I still would like to remain in his life as his friend. We are ending on pretty decent terms, and for the most part there has been no hostility. And mutually we want to be there for our son. I don't plan on letting my son go, and he feels the same. However, I want him to move on with his life as I am moving on with mine.

My girlfriend. I understand her being uncomfortable, wants me to completely cut my ex out of my life.

Currently, I go to school and work, my job offers no health benefits, and I barely make enough to eat, much less support a child. She, due to health issues, is not working.

So currently, my ex and I are together as friends, co-parenting our child until next year when I can afford to do this myself, because I have graduated my trade school, and hopefully have obtained a job in my field.

That being said, when I do move out with my son and her, I plan on getting a divorce, and changing my name back (which was really my stupid reasoning for getting married in the first place (so I could share a last name with my son (pregnancy=hormones=silly decisions) so that when her and I get married, she can take my last name.

I suppose here is where the real issue is: I still want my ex to be involved in my sons life. My ex wants that, and I know my son will want that as he grows up. I want my ex to go to school functions and birthday parties for my son. Because he has that right as my son's father to do this.

My girlfriend doesn't want that at all. She wants absolutely nothing to do with him. And that's ok, but she gets very upset and it is the cause of all of our fights. She says that she doesn't think she can be there for my son as long as my ex is there. And dislikes that we will have to "deal" with him for the rest of our lives. She claims she's not afraid that I will go back to him, and when I bring up that he's dating other people too she just rolls her eyes.

I don't want a relationship with him anymore, and the world knows it. I want one with her, and anyone who is significant in my life has met her. And my son adores her. I've more than proven, and gone out of my way to prove that I love her. And have always kept my word.

But I don't think it's fair to cut someone I consider a friend out of my life. And more than that, my son's father. Those are the two places that this guy holds in my life. And I've made damn sure that that's clear to him as well.

So am I wrong for wanting to have him in my life, only under those terms? Or should I be cutting him out of my life. And then in that case, how do I cut him out completely with out getting rid of my son. I've come up with a few ways, but even those don't seem to satisfy her.

So. Any advice would be wonderful!!!

 

Thanks all, I was beginning to feel like I was being insensitive to her needs

She seems to have a lot of issues with him and she says that will have am impact on her and I adopting or having any other children later on.

Pat
she does have issues in that regard too, she is always saying things like, what happens if people ask about our family situation or if when my son gets older he has to explain to friends or gets made fun of or resents her and I. I always tell her what others think doesn't matter and if he does hate us or resent us that's on my son, he's his own person.
But here's the other thing, he isn't even two. I keep telling her that as long as she id in his life he will grow up loving and accepting of her and the situation as long he is never put on the back burner for it.

-hell even my ex mother in law is some what accepting of my girlfriend and had told me she is welcome in her home. all she has to do is be civil with my ex.


As far as I know there has been a little drama between them.but I'm not sure who started it.how ever now my ex wants to put it behind him so that we can all be civil.he had sent apology texts and when we went on a trip to see my family he paid her way.

But that leads in to other issues, she wantsto travel and such and thing that "adults" do on vacation and not have to worry about a kid. Suggestions for thatseem to fail as well.

So I guess I just don't know what to do, I'm scared she's gonna end it because of him, but I can't just abandon them

I don't like feeling like I have to choose.