I'm desperate for gay friends.

I understand your situation completely.. here too it's illegal and what's more no one's openly gay and its considered a sin etc.. *sigh* and I'm more bisexual than biromantic so I wouldn't have so much problems talking about simple things like hot people or whatever (we make exceptions for people like Graham of course ) but I have major concerns with relationships and love and all that and like you said there's no one to talk to and its lonely.. you hear so many people rant on and on about their relationships and everyone else joins in or whatever but if you ever mention anything like it you'd be cursed at or given looks or isolated or whatever they'll have.. how bad is it there?? also one more point, it sucks here when this girl jokes about never wanting to live with a guy and wanting to live with a girl and everyone just playing along because they know she'll end up with a guy in the future (obviously) but I stand there thinking "but I genuinely really really want to live with this girl so badly.." Its not awesome

 

Totally feel you. While I was born and raised in a gay mecca (Atlanta, GA), I hardly knew any gay people, and the ones I did know were assholes who only pushed me away and made me feel more like an outcast.

All of that changed recently. My mom noticed how depressed I was and started taking me to a Unitarian Universalist church. I was nervous and skeptical at first, but everyone there was completely accepting and sweet, even the elderly members. They didn't pressure me to become an UU either, and there were members who were also agnostics and atheists, which was shocking (in a good way). There was also an LGBTQ group at the church. Most of the LGBTQ people there were older than me, but I get along better with older people, so I didn't mind. While there's no one there that I'm interested in dating, it still helps kill the feelings of alienation. They also go to the Atlanta Pride parade every year, and they're inviting me to come along, which I am super syched for.

If you're not interested in that, you can look up gay meet-up groups online. You say the gay community where you live is very visible, so it's likely that there's a group in your area. If it's possible to go to one without your homophobic parents finding out, I'd totally do it.

 

Well, I don't want to 'burst your bubble', but "gay" friends are no more apt to be the way you want than "straight" friends.

I used to feel the same way. Over the past few years, I have had some gay friends, and its no more different than having any other kind of friend. Yeah you can talk about some guys cute butt you saw on the sidewalk earlier, but you still have arguments, and all the other friend problems you have with anyone else.

In fact, the gay friends I have had have been more flighty and exasperatingly plastic and shallow a lot.

I recently had to stop being friends with one guy because he was just so selfish. Everything we did, we had to do because it was what HE wanted to do. We NEVER got to do anything I wanted to do. He wasn't a bad guy, he was just shallow and selfish that way. I could only deal with that for so long, and take so much of that crap.

He was always telling me "Friends do stuff for each other without asking, because they are friends".........but that was only for HIS benefit. When HE needed something. When I needed something, he ALWAYS came up with some excuse to not do it or help me out.

I moved last summer and I needed help. He never showed up. My other friend showed up and it was just me and her moving my crap. I called and called him and left messages and texted several times, and he never responded.

My female friend called him, and he answered the phone when SHE called him. He told her he was "sick" that week, but yet he was well enough to go to work every day. She told him to get over here and help move, and he said "Oh Im going to eat with friends".
She told him off and hung up.

Thats the last I had anything to do with him.


So don't think having "gay" friends is "all that", because it's not.

 

I get what you mean. I'm not in the exact same situation, but I'm in a similar one. I actually do have gay friends. I long to talk with them about gay things, but I can't because they don't know that I'm gay. It's not very safe for me to come out right now because my mother is extremely homophobic, and I'm worried that if I was out at school my mom would eventually find out. Also, I'm currently in a heterosexual relationship (I'm bi), and I'm worried that if I told my boyfriend that I was also attracted to girls as well he would get the wrong idea.

 

I feel for you. I'm not fully out but what I actually need IS a friend. It doesn't matter whether that person is gay or not but I'd like to be with someone who knows all about me but not necessarily about everything. After breaking up with my ex who was also my best friend, I felt like what I needed more was companionship rather than being romantic. It's definitely hard considering that where I live, being gay is either looked down or is being made fun of.

I think for me it's not more of being related to another person but it's good enough that he/she understands why.

 

This thread inspired me to check out local lgbt resources, and what do you know, there's a lot going on in my puny town! Friday is movie night and next Monday is womyn's night. I may go check out one or both.

 

I get your need to want to find people that can relate to you in the relationships/sex life sense. But know that is a small small part of being alive, and that there are people of all creeds; as lame as it sounds, that you can relate to on so many other levels.

I do think its good you want a specific gay friend because it is good to have someone that can relate to you in that sense, and that is important, what I'm getting at is don't sell your straight friends short, if they're accepting, you can pretty much relate to them just as much as any gay person.

Still, again think its a good idea to try to meet other gay people, you should do that, but it isn't a be all end all for you finding good friendships. There are plenty of straight people that can fill that void for you.

 

You could have a look here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/166447-how-do-you-make-friends-adulthood.html#5

And, well, one possibility might be to join a sports club...
or be a spectator of male/female sports events...

(*hug*)