so, there is this very hot guy who i think is bisexual. we have been flirting with each other for a year now and we are best friends. we hang out a lot with each other. stare and hold gaze without being uncomfortable. we touch each other a lot and he likes to wrestle with me when alone. we don't want to confess to each other that we are interested and we are allowing it to go as it is going. however, a few weeks back, due to slip of tongue, i asked him if he is interested in me. he totally got freaked out and stopped talking to me . i tried to convince him and get him back by apologizing and all but he seemed stubborn. nevertheless, he came back to him mode where he would wrestle with me once after he stopped taking to me. but after that he again stopped contacting me. got pissed and i also decided to ignore him. ignoring him is the toughest thing but i need to be practical as he is a big flirt and recently he has started hanging out with an ugly girl (he can do better). thing is he asked me to hangout with him 3 days back and i said 'no' because i was upset. just yesterday night he asked me to come over to his home to which again i said 'no'. i refused him because i see no future with this guy as he got so freaked out with just a silly question. he is scared of accepting that he is not straight after all and this confusion is driving him to act this way. but anyway, tomorrow, i am going to a place with two of my friends and i really want to call him too. one part of me is telling to call him while the other part is telling me to not call because it will boost his ego and he will again start showing tantrum. what to do please help. should i call him or forget him forever? bdw he is a total self obsessed narcissist person who changes girls every few weeks.
Ok. You mention that you essentially cut off all contact with this guy because you see no future with him. What about a future as just a friend? People do actually associate with other people who they have no sexual/romantic interest in or when there is no chance of that happening. Presumably you got to be friends with this guy for reasons other than your attraction to him. Your cutting off contact with him sounds like a reaction to having your feelings hurt by his reaction...and that's understandable. But if he's been making overtures to try to fix the friendship than you have a choice to make: Either you can accept that you may never have a romantic/sexual relationship with him and he will always only be a friend. Or you can't. If you can, contact him and work on repairing your friendship and move on. If you can't, then it's not fair to him to bring him back into your life just so you have the chance at another shot at him. Perhaps best to move on then and just be done with it. It's not fair to him to only be his friend because you want him. Todd
Do what you think is best for the relationship if you really want one. I mean if theres no chance, theres no chance, but if you think there may be one, and maybe losing him as afriend is worth the chance to let him know how you feel. Again just saying, you regret things for the rest of your life, but you forget about rejection. Regret is something that sticks with you, so what do you think you'll regret more? Losing a friend, or losing a potential lover. Not saying it do it now, if you think he may be into you, I'd give it more time and not rush into it, but I'd also plan to tell him. Don't read too heavily into things, because you will only notice what you want to notice. I'd treat it like he wasn't interested and you are gauging if he ever will be.
yes. but his fling with girls never last more than few weeks. He is with me now for mare than a year. And we do behave like a couple with each other ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2015 at 09:00 AM ---------- I want to befriend him again but i don't want to give him a signal that i am desperate. its been 2 weeks since we last went out together and i miss him bad. i realy want to repair the friendship but i don't know how will he take it ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2015 at 09:02 AM ---------- I have given him various hints and he knows I am interested in him. I do see a potential lover in him but he is in denial that he is not true to himself. how should make him accept his feeling towards me?
I dont really think, you can hiw he truly feels. You can gauge how you THINK he feels but not whether he truely feels that way. I think the best thing to do is, be there as a friend for now. And if he has feelings for you then he will let you know when he does. He may realize them or he may not. Forcing it upon him could do more damage then good
Hmm, okay, I disagree a bit with most opinions here. First, let me reply to pinkpanther: I'm pretty sure there are A LOT of guys (and girls) out there who used to change partners every week and now is a stable relationship because they found the right person. I've seen a couple of cases in real life and more than a dozen in movies :lol: This is what I would do (given the fact that I have no experience with relationships whatsoever): 1-Give him a deadline - if he doesn't text you or call you until [chosen date], you text him or call him. 2-If he texts you, great: answer! Stop playing upset, cause that could push him away. If he doesn't, text him something like "I miss hanging with you" or wtv. See how he responds. 3-If you have a close relationship, be honest with him. Say you are interested in him but would rather keep him as a friend than lose him forever. Ask him if he feels the same. Ask him to be honest. Being honest with yourself and to the other person is the answer to the problem in like 90% of the cases.
There are different levels of friendship. If you want him back in your life but don't want to appear desperate, then demote him in your friendship rankings. If you share certain parts of your life with him usually, stop doing that. Don't tell him about your fight with your mom, your upcoming cell phone bill, your fears and anxieties. All the emotional intimacy, cut him off from it and just give the barest of details if he asks. You may come off as a little cold (you can still be fun and normal without surrendering your heart to someone) but you definitely won't come off as desperate. He's the one calling you, remember? Please, please, please, do not read into this too deep. You might be right and he's got a thing for you and is so far deep in the closet, he's sucking D in Narnia. Or, you could be terribly wrong, and he's one of those few-in-number straight guys who isn't afraid of physical interaction with other dudes. I don't want you to feel bad at all, please, but take it from me, who dealt with a guy telling me things like "You're so smart and amazing, I wish I was more like you" and even asked me out to see a movie, then whipped out the "No Homo" card when I told him I liked him. Your heart, your well-being, they come first. If you have any IRL friends who know about this situation and aren't afraid to be honest with you, have them give you a third-party objective on this. Stay true, brother.
UPDATE: he is no longer interested in me it seems. doesn't call, doesn't hangout nor does he text me anymore. In fact, he has started dating a girl who is well not that pretty after all (being politically correct). when he was with me he used to say that she is like a sister to him but the moment he stopped all the contacts with me, he has started dating her and he makes a point that i see both of them together. like he knows the time i visit certain places and he visits those places at exact those times with his new girl. it feels bad but ill learn to deal with this. thanks everyone for your support. ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2015 at 01:39 PM ----------
You should go with what you decided in this earlier post... How you said you wanted to back off because you don't see a future with him because he over react over a silly question. As much as you love him & want to be there for him... during this process when you let him step all over you and use you while he's figuring himself is going to suck the life out of you. You have to put yourself first. I'm speaking in terms of experience also. I was in love with a guy when I was 20 years old, and it dragged on until I was 25. He came back to me and when things got serious, he would run away to and get a girlfriend. He's on his 4th right now. These guys, they're buried deep in the closet and they're unintentionally hurting the people around them because they haven't accepted themselves. If you can't be friends with him, then you've got to let it go and focus on yourself. Good luck! Wish you the best.
Thanks man. I am keeping my distance from him these days. BDW, what do you mean he came back? he came back again and again? what did you do in such a situation?
I am tired of being jealous and depressed he makes it a point that i see them together. it's been 3 weeks, we have not been talking to each other. how can i be strong? I see him every day as we study in the same campus.
Mmmm , you know what worked for me? Start seeing other people (romantically). I know it not the most effective method and you could hurt other people in the process. But trust me, it worked like a charm. I hated being jealous.Hugs!(&&&)
we have all had that feeling about that at some point but it never lasts forever plus it might not be over yet so don't give up. I'm here for you if you need me. (*hug*)
i have had the same exact experience, except for me, we've been friends for about 10 years.. i didn't have feelings for him until at least 5 year of knowing him (a bit weird it took so long but my love for him grew over the years i guess). he cut me off almost 2 years ago because of the denial and being found out he is just like me.. it hurts like hell because they tell you how much they love and care for you, yet they vanish when anyone might suspect or think anything of them.. they care more about what other people think of them, and pleasing other people than being themself and enjoying their own life. OP take your own advice, trust me.. i would move on for now and keep that window open that one day he will return when he figures things out (if it hasn't been too long/late for you to repair the relationship)..
