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Wondering if I did the right thing?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by regret, Jan 29, 2015.

  1. regret

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Cebu City, Philippines
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have a boyfriend and we've been together for seven months now. He's out to me and to my parents, and only to a handful of other people. He's family knows that he is bisexual but only her sister knows that he has a boyfriend (which is me).

    We are studying at the same university and we see each other almost everyday. And every time we see each other, we can talk for hours and hours and have a wonderful night together. The only thing is, he's not from around so he goes home every time it's Christmas or summer, any time that's a break from school. So when he gets home, texts become so limited, he usually doesn't chat and so on. Don't get the wrong impression, but I totally understand his situation. But there was this one time, where I missed him so much, so much that I bombarded him with a lot of messages that it stressed him; that whole time, he was ignoring me. I completely understand that I have been so selfish, I do admit that.

    So he came back to the university, just in time for classes. He gave me cupcakes as gifts, he said he baked them for me when he was back home. I was so pleased but he still was acting distantly. The day after, I called him and we talked for hours, 'til somehow we got to the point where I asked him what was really bothering him. He was then sort of asking me if how would I react if he cheated on me. I said that, of course, I would be hurt, and, at that time I was really anxious to what we would say next. So he said that, yes, he really did cheat on me, using his account on a dating website he has for years (which I totally was cool though). And tears fell down, and there was crying and name-callings. I asked him how he could have done something so horrible, something that could shatter my deep trust I have to him. He said that he only did that because I missed him so much and was so annoyed of me. He admitted that the reason was so shallow and he apologized and stated that I have nothing to be sorry about because it was all his fault.

    After that day, I said that what we need was space from each other. But stupid me said that I shoud go visit him to his class, and so I did! I went to his class and we talked. He asked me what he needed to do to earn back my trust, I just said to him just not to cheat on me again and to not use that dating website to do so.

    So the week started out fun, as if nothing so devastating ensued just the week before. But I guess I didn't trust him enough, so I made an account on that dating website he was in and PM'd him "Hey, you single?". I know what I did was awful and so disrespectful but I just did it. And to my surprise, he wasn't online for the whole week, keeping his promise. But at the end of the week, we fought yet again, and that time after we fought, I checked the website and saw that he was online and replied to my PM. He said that the situation was complicated. I replied nervously and said, "Wanna hang out?" not letting him know that it was me. He said sure and once again, my heart was shattered to pieces. I replied that it was me, his boyfriend, the person he so dearly promised not to betray again. But then and there he replied that it was just over.

    That couldn't be it, I thought. Things were just happening so fast, I needed some sort of closure if he wanted us to break up. But I knew I was just looking for some reason to see him. So I texted him and said that we should see each other; he reluctantly accepted.

    We went to this private movie house where it was only the two of us. We kissed, we talked, we compromised, and we admitted that both of us have flaws, but also, he wanted a decision from me. A decision that would determine if there was still an "us" or if it was really just done from there. Of course, my position was never easy. So I told him I don't know and we agreed that we'll just lose contact for three straight months. A big space we didn't wanted, but a big space that we needed.

    It was one week until suddenly he called me, begging me to answer because he's going crazy not hearing from me for one week. Honestly, I felt such great sincerity from him that we continued our relationship from there, clearly we wanted it to continue. And now, we finally reached the present time. Our relationship has been great since then. We were more happier, we both knew that. We haven't fought, although I'm not saying we won't either.

    So what I'm wondering is that, did I do the right thing or was a three-month hiatus more rightful because, all my friends haven't been so supportive of my decision as well as my parents.
     
  2. slushhhhy

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    UK
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    Some people
    well this sounds like an interesting relationship...

    is he the type to get easily annoyed, or was he already stressed out about things when he cheated on you? because that was an incredibly petty/stupid/ridiculous thing to do on his part. first reaction to a bombardment of messages? not "whoa there you're creeping me out" but fuck/w.e. someone else. what?

    it was at least decent of him to tell you honestly, even after you said it would hurt you.

    anyways, it seems like you've dealt with those things. if you're happy and things are going well then i don't see why anything has to change. i guess all you can do is learn from your experiences so that you can build on your future relationship. good luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. slushhhhy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    UK
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    Some people
    well this sounds like an interesting relationship...

    is he the type to get easily annoyed, or was he already stressed out about things when he cheated on you? because that was an incredibly petty/stupid/ridiculous thing to do on his part. first reaction to a bombardment of messages? not "whoa there you're creeping me out" but fuck/w.e. someone else. what?

    it was at least decent of him to tell you honestly, even after you said it would hurt you.

    anyways, it seems like you've dealt with those things. if you're happy and things are going well then i don't see why anything has to change. i guess all you can do is learn from your experiences so that you can build on your future relationship. good luck :slight_smile: