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Is there that ONE family member you are scared to death to tell?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by JT7314, Jan 30, 2015.

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  1. JT7314

    JT7314
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    Hey,

    I'm out to most of my family and all of my friends. Problem is, I've got a very conservative christian reformed grandmother. She's doesn't know that i'm a lesbian and I know from experience that she's way way religious and there's no way she would ever accept me for who I am. I mean, literally if she found out, if she didn't have a heart attack first, it's that big of a problem that I would get pretty much shunned and cut out of the Will. My mom even is afraid to let her find out...She would be a milestone...and honestly it's the only thing holding me back from moving forward with my engagement. I love my grandmother but she is one of the most judgemental... and stuck in the old days. I don't know if I could ever tell her...it would completely tear everything apart.i've been under her thumb for years. Is it best to leave it as is or somehow tell her...or "let her find out". Is anyone else in a similar situation?
     
    #1 JT7314, Jan 30, 2015
  2. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    There is only one question you need to answer: can you live without her inheritance?

    Or, to put it another way: how much (in dollar terms) is living as you were meant to live worth to you?

    Or, to put it yet another way: how much (in dollar terms) is it worth it to you to NOT be under her thumb and to tell her that you don't care for her opinion (lovingly)
     
    #2 greatwhale, Jan 30, 2015
  3. Pine

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    My father. Because he might actually kill me.
     
    #3 Pine, Jan 30, 2015
  4. Robbie

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    I think this person would be my stepfather. He has a very conservative thinking about gays.
     
    #4 Robbie, Jan 30, 2015
  5. Reluisant

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    oh boy, my catholic italian grandmother. definitely.
     
    #5 Reluisant, Jan 30, 2015
  6. Stefan

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    Most of my family is Christian or don't understand a lot about gays or trans. So I'm scared with that haha. Few people know about me.
     
    #6 Stefan, Jan 30, 2015
  7. juno

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    My grandparents on my mom's side. They are way more religious than the rest of my family.
     
    #7 juno, Jan 30, 2015
  8. Quen

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    Both of my stepparents are pretty homophobic, and while my stepmother may eventually come around, I don't think my stepfather ever would. That said, I don't exactly value either of their opinions, but it will make coming out to my mom more difficult, especially because I live with her and my stepfather.
     
    #8 Quen, Jan 30, 2015
  9. Quiet Raven

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    My dad... I just have no idea how to explain it to him so he'll understand. And he will probably have a hard time accepting it...

    I might be wrong... Hopefully...
     
    #9 Quiet Raven, Jan 30, 2015
  10. Composerbpc

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    Yeah I'm afraid to tell my great grandmother, I feel like she'd react negatively. She's not religious but she's still sorta conservative and well... Isn't exactly very fond of African-Americans, which i totally don't understand but. Yeah I'm not too keen on telling her...
     
    #10 Composerbpc, Jan 30, 2015
  11. ForNarnia

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    My dad.
    He'd hate me.
     
    #11 ForNarnia, Jan 30, 2015
  12. ForNarnia

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    My dad.
    He'd hate me.
     
    #12 ForNarnia, Jan 30, 2015
  13. maselalala

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    My dad has always been the biggest obstacle for my journey as an openly gay man. However, despite being afraid of his reaction(were talking about a closed minded conservative guy who may not have extreme beliefs, but he still has homophobia, and a strong ignorance towards the gay rights movement), while I was doing laundry, I blurt out to him "I'm gay". He was more accepting than I thought. However, he still has issues with me dating and idk he's still a jerk to me.
     
    #13 maselalala, Jan 30, 2015
  14. Acm

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    My really conservative transphobic grandma.
     
    #14 Acm, Jan 30, 2015
  15. Aspen

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    With a few rare exceptions, I'm terrified to tell my whole family but the most is my grandfather. Although I've never actually heard him say a thing about gay people, he's 72 years old, racist as hell, and very clearly set in his ways. I'd be more worried about giving him a heart attack than being cut out of a will. He doesn't have much and even if he still did, I don't think I'd want it if I had to lie for it anyway.
     
    #15 Aspen, Jan 31, 2015
  16. HM03

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    Dad. Definitely my dad.
     
    #16 HM03, Jan 31, 2015
  17. CandyKing

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    Parents are butt monkeys. Dad an asshole.
     
    #17 CandyKing, Jan 31, 2015
  18. Dryad

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    It's either dads or grandmas I see... :grin: For me, it's also my father. I think he would be devastated. We would have a big fight and then he would question what he did wrong and I ended up bisexual. And then he would pretend nothing happened and be awkward.
    I wouldn't tell my grandparents either, but I don't mind if they find out. We don't talk much about these things. They would accept me, but they'd respond more like I have a mental illness, not an actual sexual orientation, so there's no point in coming out to themm.
     
    #18 Dryad, Jan 31, 2015
  19. Jellal

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    My uncle, like damn. I even had a nightmare about him finding out last night.

    I mean most of my family is really intolerant besides my mom, dad, and sister—who are fairly open-minded people. Most everyone else I met at a family reunion would probably think I was sick in the head. But my uncle, he's the only one that I'd feel physically threatened by. If I was his kid there's no way I could ever confide in him, I know that.
     
    #19 Jellal, Jan 31, 2015
  20. choirsmash

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    yeah, my grandfather is super conservative and very homophobic. I'm probably not going to tell him ever. I think I'm gonna end up letting all my grandparents pass away naive to it, so they're happy
     
    #20 choirsmash, Jan 31, 2015
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