Okay so its been a long time since ive been thinking about this and its really getting to me. Ive been wanting to tell my mom about this for so long but I cant. I want to tell her so badly that i dont feel like myself, that I dont feel me. Well currently I am feeling pretty fine about my appearance as Ive been at the gym a whole lot, working on my body. My legs, hips, waist and bum, its been a few months now and I see a whole lot of changes in my body and once my mom did tell me to start lifting weights and she thought i was looking too feminine. At that exact moment I wanted to tell her that its what ive been working on in the gym. And yesterday she was staring at my butt and I asked her why she was staring at me and she said my butt was getting more bubbly and she asked me why. And again I just kept quiet. Then today morning she grabbed me by my tshirt and pulled the tee around my waist and she saw my figure and she told me: what are you up to? You are keeping your hair long, you have a bounce in your step, your face is getting more girl like and your body is looking too feminine for a guy and she held my face and asked me to tell her the truth. I started crying and ran into my room. I haven't came out since. I just really don't know what to do.
Oh boy. Being trans can be such a hard thing to tell to a non-understanding parent. I myself am unable to come out, but I may be able to give some advice. You should go search for a transgender wikipage, and probably let her see it. Basically, try to get her to understand. "Mum, I'm sorry to have kept a secret from you. You're my mum, and I know that you'll understand. See, mum. I'm transsexual. -shows site- I hope you can understand, mum. See, a transgender.. Is someone who's 'born in the wrong body'. Like, imagine if your arm suddenly went missing. You'll feel that being armless feels weird and 'doesn't quite fit:, right? This is how transgenders feel, only they feel it on all of their body. I'm sorry that I can't be the perfect son for you, mum, but ever since I was little, I felt different and so out of place. I look down at my bottom, I know I'm physically a boy, but I don't feel right about it. I'm a transgender, mum... I hope you'll accept me as a daughter. I-I.. I hope you still love me.. Am I still family? Lots of patents disown their children because they don't meet their expectations.. I really, really hope you still love me, mum. Even if you don't, well, I still love you..." The above is what I'd do if I were you, then again, who has the courage to say all that to their mothers? But try anyways. Based on my own experience, it's better to come out to parents, even if they do end up unaccepting. I feel like I'm making a big mistake here, but here's my two cents. I got nothing to say, and I wonder why I even decided to post... but I just felt the need to try and help. But sorry to have waste time, if it doesn't work.. D:
Well its your decision what you say... some people caution to have some kind of support network... you might look up transgender helpline in your language... and take part on EC... Many people now say being tg is biological. Theory has it it has to do with brain development before birth. So its neither your nor their fault. This is a brochure for the british national health service, a very reputable source : http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf They talk of it having biological causes. meaning its not just a whim ... (What I do not like is on page 7 talking about stress... many experience relief...) You might tell that your gender is only part of you, that you will still be the same and that you will be like your male/female twin... and you might describe your disphoria... Some Moms might be a bit more accepting, because they might kind of win someone they can talk to and do things with concerning emotional stuff. You might tell you're more interested in that. You might say you don't like this manly stuff, its just not who you are. There is no use in trying, and its not their fault. Now well, they might be afraid what neighbours think... but you could say its really who you are, and there are many people like you. Here are some more resources: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4 In fact, quite a few people are trying first to fulfill and even overfulfill gender roles until they simply find out its not them. Don't give up, keep on... Some people come out in a letter: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/165521-trans-coming-out-letter-draft.html hugs
I tried writing a letter and tried giving it to her. I went out with some friends I told her to text me once she read it. It was about three hours after I just broke down and asked one of my friends to send me home. I rushed inside to find the letter still on the coffee table. I grabbed it and ran outside and my mom called me and due to me rushing I responded to her in my female voice and she went: whos that? I held my face and just rushed out back to my friends car. I spent the night at her place. I broke down to her and Idk... I really really do want to tell my mother about this but im so scared of what she might think of me afterwards. Eventually shes going to find out about me because im looking more and more feminine each day, im not even on hormones yet im just working out my body and shaping it so itll help when I get on hormones. Add up to that I wont go on hormones without her consent. This is so hard to do.:help::tears:
I'd say take the time you need... get used to the thought... read through the materials, maybe look up some more... and you might look up a transgender helpline in your language, they might point you to further resources, and give you some support. hugs
