When I was a kid I went on a vacation to to California because my mom wanted to have fun with the family but the vacation got cut short because of my grandmother death . Before her death I had time to go visted but I was so selfish and wanted to watch a movie I didn't get to say good bye. I been live with this regret for a while and I was wondering if I should keep feeling this pain for been too selfish as a punishment?
I totally understand your regret of how you feel. However I urge you to get passed this pain. You were a kid, and as a kid it's hard to go through loosing a family member, sometimes we as kids don't know how to feel or react. I don't think you were selfish, but didn't know how to respond to what was happening and the pain you were going through. At the time for you, watching a movie was easier then going to face the pain of saying goodbye to your grandmother. I know that your grandmother would have understood. I am sure she is looking down on you, and she would want you to be happy and not punishing yourself with regret. I know it can be hard, thinking about the past, especially of times like those, but please move forward and enjoy what the future has in store for you.
We all have regrets, Iceman, and your story is very similar to mine. Only in my case, vacation was school, and despite being personally drove to the hospital, despite facing face to face with my grandmother, I couldn't say goodbye. She was ununconscious, and she passed when I had some of my best dinners. Very regrettable. But there's nothing to be sorry about, Iceman. Kids make many mistakes, and no need to self-hate over this; you weren't at fault. As kids, we hardly knew the meaning of death, and we took things for granted. So here is my advise to you: There is no need to blame yourself over past actions. For example, nobody blames themselves for crying as infants. Grab a piece of paper, write all the thing you want to say to your grandmother. And once done, roll and crumble it, then some how burn it, rip it apart while having it dunk under water, or bury it. Vent all your troubles and it just might make you feel better. My two cents.
