I got really drunk a couple of weeks ago and said some nasty stuff to my close friend. I told him that the only reason why were friends is because I felt sorry for him. I remember saying that too but I pretended that I didn't remember it at all. He told me that what i said really hurt him. So now I'm doing all these small favors for him to make up for it. But now its taken a toll on me and I think I set him up to think unconsciously that I'll do what ever he says or ask. And since I feel awful about what I said, I do it. I'm not going to talk to him about it yet because I don't want to add to the problem. I mean I feel like its to soon to have this kind of conversation with him after that that drunken night. The truth is that I did feel sorry for him at one point and that's why I stayed friends with him. A couple of months ago, I told him that we have to part ways because I was falling in love with him and I know how hurtful it is. He told me, he didn't care how I felt about him, that I shouldn't make it such a big deal. I thought about it, thought about all the things he was going through, thought about how much it was going to hurt him if I left (at that point we have become really good friends), thought about how much pain I am about to go through. I didn't want to add to his other problems, I know how much it sucks to lose a good friend. I compared our struggles and his out weighed mine by alot. So I stayed because I felt bad for him, holding my emotions in, thinking I can endure it until things got better on his end and slowly ease my way out. But now I can't let go, all the things we've done together, how much we leaned on each other for support, those text messages he sends me in the morning, eating lunch together right after we workout, so much stuff we've been doing together. And now I feel like I turned this crush into a real relationship and he's like a cheating boyfriend. This is what I wanted to tell him that night but all that came out was "I'm only here because I feel sorry for you". Any feedback would be appreciated. even if you posted "I read it", it would mean a lot to me.
the longer you leave the conversation, the harder it is to bring it back up. in my experience i forget the things that i want to say due to bad memory, but also because they start to seem insignificant. it's all a ruse! if you have these feelings now then you should tell him now. despite anything he's going through, his life is not your responsibility and it's not your job to keep him together. that doesn't make you a cold person. you don't owe him because you said something nasty to him. maybe you should tell him that you do remember really, and you're sorry. put it behind you. i personally think it's harsh of him to say he doesn't care how you feel about him. it's like he doesn't acknowledge that you have your own problems. i really think you should find the time to tell him what's on your mind. :/
