My family acts like my partner doesn't exist!!

(*hug*) Im not going through this currently, but I could definetly imagine my parents acting the same way. Im not sure how theyll react once I transition. Im very sorry theyre so rude to you and your partner though. Its always hard when someone that you love ajd holds dear rejects you because of something so small, like your sexuality.

 

Of course it makes you sad! You grow uo living them and having them love you, but then something as silly as the gender of who you choose to be with makes them act rude and nearly hostile.
Youre exactly right. Though it might hurt, theres nothing you can do anymore to make them realise you really are in love and your feelings are real. Its on them.

 

then stop taking their call!!!!!.

You are the only one that can give them the power to treat you and your partner badly. If they invite you for Holidays or any other family event just accept if your partner is also invited. If they treat your siblings SO with respect and dignity than demand that your SO be also treated with respect and dignity. If they want to visit you and see your kids, make sure they understand that your SO will be there and they need to treat her well.

If their presence and behavior is making your life less enjoyable or healthy consider distancing yourself from them for some time. You said yourself you are not a kid, you are an adult. You have a job, you are financially independent and have your own family. Dont allow them to mistreat you.

 

I have been through this as well. Except for that my dad refused to call my partner by what he was. He referred to my ex as 'little friend'. As in, 'oh, are you going to go with your little friend?' Mind you, I was 18+ and he was 23+ when we were dating, so by no means were either of us 'little' and he wasn't a 'friend'. What I started doing was I started correcting them. Politely. This is something that you can try to ease them into the idea, but I agree in part with what Juligen said.

You have your life. And your partner is a large part of it. Having people accept you is not the most important thing in the world, even though it hurts to have them not acknowledging something and someone so important to you. The best I can say is to try to involve your partner in the conversations and everything that you can. Perhaps if you haven't, sit them down and really talk seriously with them and make it clear how badly it hurts you. Either way, however, they are going to have their opinions. If you are living happily, then you don't need their consent or approval to love who you want to. It just matters that you are happy, you know? And your partner, too.

It might also be good to note that their refusal of your girlfriend is likely harmful to the children. Your partner deserves respect and for the children's relatives to acknowledge them. Of course, leaving them directly out of it is a good idea if they are younger, as I am sure you know.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and I really do hope that your family begins to understand and accept the life that you have chosen. It's awful when people that are close to you are condescending and disrespectful to the people that you love. I hope for your continued happiness. Have a good day. c:

 

I agree with juligen, make it clear that they need to respect your partner. Your parents clearly want a relationship with you and your children, so if they invite you places dont go until they invite your entire family. I think if you make the statement they will eventually start inviting your partner as well. They may begrudgingly invite her at first but maybe in time it will not be such an issue to them. Im very sorry you are going through this but just remember you have the right to be respected and your love is no different than theirs.

 

There are a few very good points in the previous postings...

You might have a look here for a few points:
How to

Concerning religion, gay people have always been around, in all religions.
Its two people in love, thats all it needs.
There are many religious people coming around now. Religion should be about love.

 

My fathers side of the family tried this shit with me when I was first with my wife.

They called to invite me to a 'family Christmas party' so I told them I was happy to come and they could meet my partner. When they said 'we don't want to meet her' I told them that under no uncertain terms that I would not be participating and unless they could accept my WHOLE family and respect my partner, they would not be participating with mine any longer. I then calmly hung up. Once I put down the boundries of what I would and would not accept, that shit quit. It took probably two years for them to come around, but they pretty much did. I refuse to be around people who do not accept all of me.

You need to tell your family that unless they can treat your partner and the co-parent of your children with respect and honor, they do not need to be part of your life any longer. Tell them that you are an adult and you will no longer accept their calls and listen to their crap. Tell them that if they can be positive and respectful, there is room in your life for them, but they will not be seeing your children or you as long as they continue to be toxic. Lay down the law and stick to it. You do not have to put up with this hate in your life.

Good luck.

 

Hi kcde3314,

Following on what Lipstick Leuger said, there's a very good video by Dan Savage where he basically equates badly reacting parents with children having tantrums and how they need to smarten up because who is going to help them in their old age if they piss off their children, etc.

He says it much better than I can and maybe it can help you get your parents to back down from their unforgivable stance.

Here it is.

 

It's tough I'm going on year number 4 with my girl and its still going on.

 

This is exactly what you need to do. It's a matter of boundaries, they want to see you and your kids? They get the whole package, or nothing at all.

Tell them this calmly but firmly, like you mean it.