1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

No excuse but to cheat.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Chromedome, Feb 1, 2015.

  1. Chromedome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2014
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Americas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I was thinking. If you are in a long distance relationship and you never hang out they may cheat.

    If they are always ready to hang out or spend time with you but you are busy with school and work, men have needs and he'll cheat because you aren't committing to him and keeping him back from a fulfilling relationship.

    You can only get mad at a cheater when you know to yourself that you try hard to keep the relationship lively.
     
  2. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    You know, I'm really big on monogamy and strongly against cheating, but I can't help but think It's unrealistic to expect monogamy in some situations.

    I think of it like having friends. If I only have one best friend, and they are constantly too busy or tired or chat or hang out, my social needs are not being fulfilled and it is not really fair for them to say I can't have other friends or acquaintances if they can't be there for me.

    It's sad, but true.
     
  3. wasgij

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2014
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Polska
    Huh? Don't do that mindset. Just talk to them. Make it all nice and official. Lots of people have open relationships where there are other people involved, and it's OK. Obviously I don't know too many details about specific people, but I'm sure it's a lot better to be flexible than being suspicious and backstabbing idealists.
     
  4. Sek

    Sek
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2014
    Messages:
    372
    Likes Received:
    2
    I personally don't agree that you can have an excuse to cheat. Even if you are in a long distance relationship, you have to either value the relationship enough to remain monogamous or end it. If your sexual desires aren't being met and you'd rather go elsewhere then you owe it to the other person to be honest rather than go behind their back and betray them.

    Really dislike this way of thinking, there's so many things wrong with this. It's sexist, deterministic, excusing cheating, victim blaming...

    I'm not trying to criticise you here, but I would like to challenge the way you think. I'm a guy but I can hold myself back from having sex with everyone when I can't see my boyfriend. That's because I value what we have (trust, emotional connection, etc) over fleeting physical pleasure.

    tl;dr - 'needs' not being met = end the relationship or stay and deal with it. Don't betray someone's trust because you can't keep it in your pants.
     
  5. Chromedome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2014
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Americas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'll note of that like a wise quote from some philosopher.

    ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2015 at 08:10 PM ----------

    I'm sure women cheat, I don't wanna make it excuse just the reasoning behind the cheating. Are open relationships the cure?
     
  6. wasgij

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2014
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Polska
    Or you could just say "hey Simon/Bruce/whatever, is it OK if I like hang out with this guy while you're away? It gets so lonely and stuff..."

    What could possibly go wrong? He'll be like "of course! Do I sound unreasonable or something? Btw have you met Shirley, Rebecca, Luna, or Robert yet?":grin:
     
  7. Chromedome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2014
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Americas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    lol
     
  8. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    once there is NO sex in a relationship, and by that I mean none at all, not just right this moment when you're horny, but actually no more sex, ain't never going to be no more, then what is "cheating" about having sex with someone else? what are you cheating someone out of?
    I expect some would question why you are even with someone at that point, but there are lots of reasons why this could be the case, and lots of people who live in that situation. should they person who is still sexual have to choose between walking out on someone, or being totally celibate?
    My opinion is that if there is no sex in the relationship, that it's not really cheating. You may have a different opinion, but you can't argue with the fact that it is my opinion! :icon_bigg
     
  9. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    2,348
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wow, that's a tough one! No answer here for sure. What is acceptable if your partner is permanently injured and there will never be sex again. I know there are creeps who divorce/leave for that reason, but what of those who are truly in love? Should the unharmed partner stay celibate for the rest of their life? Wow, something I hope to never have to face....David
     
  10. bazinga91

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2013
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'm in a long distance relationship currently (for the next four months) and I would personally be pissed off if my girlfriend cheated on me. I feel that this question is situational and the same answer does not apply to all couples. For me and my girlfriend cheating is not an option, however if you have a different relationship dynamic then maybe there would be a different answer.
     
  11. bornthiswaybby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2014
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Um... There is never an excuse to cheat. Either make it an official agreement that you can sleep with others or end the relationship. If you're keeping secrets like that then your relationship is clearly unhealthy anyways.
     
  12. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    lots of people are in unhealthy relationships. and as strange as it may sound, there are reasons that people remain in those relationships. people can only do what they can do in their particular circumstances. absolutes make great sound bites, but life can be a lot messier than that. the biggest danger of speaking in absolutes is that we get to a point where we become trapped by our own judgmental absolutes. maybe "judge not, lest you be judged" has something to do with how we end up being judged by our own absolute inflexible standards, and then they don't feel like such a great fit. something to think about.