Dumped for being a virgin (26yo female)

You're not a lost cause; your ex was selfish. She wasn't good enough for you.

As a queer guy, I can say this: there are a lot of guys who might not be virgins, but have never slept with guys way into their 20s and even 30s. Each person's sexual journey is different. So you might consider phrasing it that way the next time you get on the subject. You're a virgin with ladies; lots of lesbians are, too. No big deal. Don't worry about it! Someone will love you.

This might be controversial advice, but: You might also consider finding someone you can safely and securely explore more of your sexuality with, maybe out of the context and pressure of a relationship. Then, the next time you're in that space, you'll feel more confident.

But, all that said, intimacy is very special. Each person is different, and it's new each time. So don't freak out. Someone will love you who deserves you. Let everyone else walk away.

 

Honestly, You were too pure for her and she couldn't handle such pure loving beauty. Can you teach me how to be like that?

No, really. Somebody dumping you because you are a virgin is messed up. In my twisted little head, that would be completely ass-backwards. But it's not your fault. You are too good for them and they don't deserve your love. But I am certain some lucky gal will appreciate and cherish you.

I really don't know what to say, but I know the feeling. A guy left me in the dust because he couldn't enjoy anal sex because I would cry the whole time. And after I told him no more... he tossed me aside a few days later.

Sometimes when you get dumped for stupid reasons such as this, it opens your eyes to who that person really is and that they were nothing more than selfish. You are not a lost cause. You will be rewarded for your pure heart. (Now. If only I can meet a man who is just like you... I would almost worship him)

 

Virginity doesn't even exist for lesbians anyway....the concept is literally created by the patriarchy to oppress lesbians and shame them and their relationships. A real lesbian or bi woman shouldn't even be believing in it, so shame on her.

 

That was a bitchy thing of her to do. Being a virgin is actually appealing to me. Being a virgin has nothing to do with whether or not you'll be good in bed. True, having experience probably makes people better at sex, but being a virgin doesn't mean you'll suck. Instinct tends to take over when you become intimate with someone. If she dumped you because of that, then she wasn't in a relationship with you for the right reason.

 

I'd say take it in your stride and simply keep looking.

Have a few hot chocolates... tend to your feelings... but you could see it this way, if she ended a possible relationship for such a reason there was not much love from her side.

Well, just keep looking for a more compatible partner... they are out there...
likeable and loving people, who are willing to share and communicate in the bedroom...

Not having had sex yet is still attractive for many... there are quite a few who say so...
and you yourself are also of the opinion... just stick to it.
And take the time you need, imo the emphasis should be on love.

Now to get something out of the way:
How do lesbians have sex
You might read the article from the end...
This plus communication is all it needs... you probably know what you like, and could show... or even say you do not have much experience, she could show you some...
many are more than glad to do so...
or you might simply enjoy the moment and do what comes naturally... letting it flow..
but usually its completely different from how we thought it would be anyways
so with that knowing...

just take your time...
and keep looking


hugs

 

She was after someone to have sex with, and as you mentioned she had her own insecurities to still be dealt with. It seems to me you were looking for something else, therefore it's only natural it didn't lasted long.

You opened yourself too fast to her. It takes time to get to know somebody and her/his true intentions. What happened has nothing to do with you and the fact that you don't have much experience. Not everyone will go away because of that, in fact there will be women who will be more than willing to take you by the hand and show you the garden.

At the end it's about them liking you for what's inside your skull, not for how good you are in bed.
As Jay said, keep looking, and remember you have all the time in the world to make your own decission. Also put some work in your self confidence. Emotional blows damage your self confidence. Don't allow anybody to do that to you.

PS: I'm also singing the blues myself right now, so I know perfectly how you feel. I send you my love.

 

Ummm...if you have oral sex, you are NOT a virgin. Seriously, how hard is it for people to understand this??

Virgin = No genital touching of any kind, ever, period

 

Okay good, I thought you were saying otherwise for a minute, so you're fine there. You almost worried me for a minute, because I thought you got dumped for not having typical heterosexual experiences or something xD

 

It's okay. The aforementioned woman doesn't sound like she had a good reason to break it off, but to each their own, I guess. Personally, I think it's really admirable to save your virginity and not just do casual flings just because, but again, I understand that for other people it can be fun. Don't worry about it. There are over seven billion people in the world, over half of whom are female. There's every chance that you'll find someone even better for you, and she'll be more understanding of your choices.

 

Okay, first of all...

LOLwut?

It's awfully strange that somebody, who just told you they weren't sure if they could perform exceptionally, turns away a virgin. You'd think, by that kind of remark, she'd be more content and comfortable with virginity -- since, in essence, she'd be your first and only, with nothing or nobody else to compare it with/to.

Of course, there's the possibility she was worried, you'd do the deed, sometime down the road break up, you'd find somebody else, have sex, and then always use her as the comparison piece -- which often times happens with "our firsts". If she was thinking that far ahead, then she is really insecure. Just sayin'.

The good news is, you probably don't want to be in this type of relationship. For one, there is a lack of respect here. For your virginity and your honesty. I'd consider this life's way of filtering out nonsense, as difficult as it may be to grasp; but it frees you up for any future suitors potentially. Somebody who will appreciate your honesty and situation -- somebody, quite frankly, that will put this insecure lady to shame.

Cherish the good times, but reference the bad. Learn from them, and keep moving on with your life. You'll find something or somebody, maybe both. In the meantime, don't let such asinine behavior sour your mood or dampen your spirits.

 

It sounds to me like she only wanted you for sex in the first place.She wanted someone with experience and when you admitted you didnt have any,she wasnt interested.
You had a lucky escape!

 

im 25 and still a les virgin in my opinion..maybe she was just bi curious and then realized she was too self concious to go thru with it with u and used ur virginity as an excuse to hide that..that really sux for her actually cuz shell never be able to enjoi or fullfill herself and her desires if shes that self concious..i can sympathize tho cuz there was this one girl i really liked that really liked me and even tho i really really wanted to be with her i was too self concious i ran..that was the biggest regret of my life so far..although ive been on and off with the self concious thing..although now i just want to find a girl who will take the time and patience with me to learn to let go of my bullshit insecurities..so its really her loss cuz u sound lime a great girl...

---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2015 at 03:40 PM ----------

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My take on it- she's incredibly insecure and full of anxiety and doubt. For all you know she was waiting for a sign to prove that things wouldn't work between you. Maybe she wanted someone "stronger" and more experienced to take the lead. Maybe she wanted the security of being with (in her mind) a full lesbian, when she herself sounds rather unsure about everything. Maybe she is struggling to come to terms with her own identity, and saw yours as something which could be stabilising for her. So when the illusion was shattered, and 'reality' kicked in, I would imagine her already fragile sense of self became even more broken - so she freaked.

 

your ex was definitely messed up. and as painful as it may be today, you will realize that you really dodged a bullet. keep looking for that woman who will cherish you. don't settle for anything less!