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Is it worse if your crush is gay or just not interested?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by gogreen, Feb 3, 2015.

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  1. gogreen

    gogreen
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    Still working on getting over my crush, and I thought it was going well but then today I found out through a friend that she'd been married for 30 years. Not overwhelming evidence, obviously given a lot of people here's situations, but points in the wrong direction! It REALLY surprised me, though, how much that bothered me. I already figured she was not interested, so why would it bother me MORE that she is likely straight? Strange. Any of you feel that way?

    Her husband was so much older than her - probably like 25 years older - that the one time I saw him, I thought he was her father.
     
    #1 gogreen, Feb 3, 2015
  2. RedDev84

    RedDev84
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    I find a crush as to be "the idea of being in a relationship" with that person, I think it makes logical sense that confirmation that there would never be a future between the two of you would be far more bothersome than before.

    Even when your gut told you she wasn't interested, this isn't exactly clear confirmation. It wouldn't be a surprise if a crush continued, as our minds tends to think that there's still hope. Having a crush gives a strong feeling of hope, excitement and sometimes expectation, so when that's removed by the guarantee of nothing being able to proceed more than friendship (through marriage, being straight or both), yes, it's completely understandable why you will feel worse than having the crush.

    The key to me is, finding out a crush can never be created into something more is short term heartache. Soon enough you'll realise you can now safely move on and look to actual possibilities without fear of finding out next week she's just entered a relationship with another girl! Whether you found out yesterday, tomorrow or in a few weeks time - it wouldn't have made a difference. I can only wonder how many might have turned down genuine potential relationships while pursuing something that would never become a reality.

    I was just starting to lose interest in my second crush when I found someone amazing (who I knew was gay), started talking to him and completely lost all interest in the crush. :wink:

    I can imagine crushing on someone who is gay but not interested could feel worse since it can feel demoralising that someone you have been crushing on IS actually gay, but ends up being uninterested or unavailable. That said, if they're not gay - there's no possibility at all, so I'd say go with the former. =]
     
    #2 RedDev84, Feb 3, 2015
  3. stella99

    stella99
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    Ive been married for 20 years with two grown up children and must look as straight as they come. I've realised at age 52 that I am gay and have had a massive crush on a female gay colleague for over a year now. I dont even know if she's aware im gay. Never assume.....
     
    #3 stella99, Feb 3, 2015
  4. gogreen

    gogreen
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    that makes sense, it means I am still holding onto hope, after all she did say that "maybe" she would see me this spring! I know I'll lose interest as soon as someone else more suitable comes along, or after no contact for a while. Just on the surface it seems like it would be harder to be rejected than to have no chance at all for reasons unrelated to you personally (other than your gender).

    Stella, I still don't know for sure; she lived with a woman most recently. But her reactions to me point to straight. I think a lesbian would have recognized my interest and been more clear one way or the other. She was more and more friendly with me while we were together, but there wasn't any thought of going out of her way to see me again.
     
    #4 gogreen, Feb 3, 2015
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