Hello everyone, to make a long story short, I got married to a man knowing deep down I was gay and we had 2 kids, they're now 10 and 6, and I'm divorced and living with my girlfriend/partner and we've made a home and family with my 2 kids. They LOVE my partner and consider her their other mom. The other night while doing homework with my 6 yr old son, he had to write a paragraph about his family. I suggested he write about his 2 moms, his dad, etc. He got a sad look on his face and said he just wanted to be write "parents" instead on not include "2 moms" because he didn't want to be made fun of or embarrassed that his mommies are gay and is afraid of his classmates finding out.. My heart goes out to him and my daughter, because I don't want life to be any more difficult than it already is. I felt such a sad feeling inside knowing that my lifestyle could cause my children heartache or to feel embarrassed or weird at school.. I've raised them to be open and never judg others, and they don't, they say they're happy with our family but just don't want to be made fun of. And it doesn't help that my partner is the "butch" one in the relationship (I hate labels!) But she "looks" like a gay woman, while I'm more on the femm side and can pass as straight.. So when people see us at school functions, its obvious my kids have 2 moms and are gay.. Anyone else going through this? Same sex parenting? And know the feeling? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks! Love to all!
Yes, I went through it. Mine are now 23, 18 and 15 and ya know what? they all came out fine. My kids were 6, 9 and 14 at the time. I am Femme and my partner is Butch also. My oldest only shared with friends she was really close to, my middle to no one, but my youngest told all the teachers(which I joked at least I didn't have to come out at her school, she did it for me). This made it uncomfortable for her brother, as they were both in elementary school together, but the teachers kept it quiet at our request. Once he left for Middle school the following year, she took that as the all clear sign and blurted to everyone about us. He still kept it very quiet and didn't tell anyone until about 9th grade however, when he entered High school after his older sister graduated. We went in the closet for him for a time because he needed us to, with the stipulation that it would not be forever. I presented myself as a single mother for him until he got comfortable. My oldest one didn't really care if the teachers knew, but it was not really until her Junior year that she let others kids know about us. Of course everyone knows now and we are not the only gay family out there at the school, so we made it a bit easier for them also. Kids go through different stages and sometimes you just have to ride it out. They usually do family projects in elementary school and he probably wants to fit in with the others as he feels left out. It has nothing to do with feeling ashamed of you, his Moms, but his greater desire to fit in. I think it is actually harder for boys, because he is the only male in your household, (like my son, who really enjoys it now!) with two sisters was, and he is noticing that he is male. Society shows them this early! It's ok, and he WILL outgrow it. Just be calm and ask him how you can help him feel better about it and if it is ok for you to pretend for a few years that you are his only Mom. Tell him people will find out, but it will be easier after a bit when the others grow up more. Plus, it's not like you can hide 100% due to birthdays and parties, etc. So it will be found out, but the other parents will handle it for you, with the majority saying that 'there are so many different types of families' and this will foster acceptance. Sure, a few may have an issue, but you can use this as a teaching tool of diversity and compare it to accepting others religions and races. I would also have a chat with the Principal about it and find out what their tolerance policy is. Do they teach there are all types of families? Do they have anything in their school policy that states they will not discriminate on sexual orientation or gender presentation? Most teachers and principals want their students to be happy, so don't be afraid to talk to both! They can help and if they don't have that teaching, they may implement it. It also can help to have your kids talk to a Psychologist to help with the adjustment. There are many that are supportive and affirming. Look around for LGBT family groups so your son can make friend with families like his. Look on the internet, they have several out there, I found them when my kids were way older (this was a decade ago) and they were not in need of them any longer. So hang in there Mom, this too shall pass. Please don't hesitate to PM me if you need support or would like to chat, cause I have SO been there! (((HUGS)))
Being 18, I've never personally gone through this as a parent, but some of my closer friends have gay parents, and from the student perspective and what I've seen, it becomes a lot easier to talk about as you get older~ I, myself, am a lesbian, a I grew up in a small, southern town that could be really intimidating when it came to topics like sexuality. It didn't take long to realize that it was just as hard on the kids who had gay parents as it was for the gay kids themselves. Some felt threatened or embarrassed, just like many kids do, and yes, certain years and ages (since I'm sure you know how kids can be in middle school) were harder than others, especially once a few people would find out. For many of them, the only thing holding them back was themselves. They would eventually tell some of their close friends, and, as a surprise to them, no one seemed to mind, and some even thought it was "cooler than having regular parents". All of a sudden that "terrible family burden" was nothing more than a new conversation starter. For other kids, however, they did deal with some harder issues. No matter how small, or close the town is, there's always those kids who just make it their plan to ridicule any kid who isn't "normal". I've seen children of many ages be picked on for having same-sex parents, and some kids went as far as to quit talking to that specific child, which lead them to believe they had lost a friend because their family didn't count as normal. I watched those kids, some being really close friends of mine, go through heartbreak at thinking they would never be accepted, and I just wish I would've stepped up and told them it would be different. Luckily, the school did it for me. Our small little town finally had enough bullying, and we were all tired of the teachers seeming to turn the other way any chance they had. As Lipstick Leuger put very well, talking with your child's school administrators is a wonderful idea, and it really can make a huge difference. Generally speaking, they don't take well to harassment of any kind, and a lot of the time it's only been going on because they were not aware of it. If a parent or two were to step up and point out what may be going on in their school, they have to reason to push it aside. I know all cases are different, but I hope that helped in some way. I wish you, along with your kids the best of luck!
