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Needing to vent

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Alpha78, Feb 5, 2015.

  1. Alpha78

    Regular Member

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    Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

    Id like to say that I am bisexual but more romantically attracted to women and more sexually attracted to guys. With that said: I broke up with my ex girlfriend since she always hinted at me about doing sexual things with me, but I was questioning my sexuality at the time. This was a problem because if I had proceeded with it and discovered that I am gay, she would feel like she wasn't attractive or beautiful. I didnt want that because I loved her. Later in the relationship, however, I had come to the conclusion that I am physically attracted to mostly guys. So i felt as if I was leading her on since I didnt have any sexual attraction towards her. She, however, did with me and I felt terrible that I wouldnt be able to take the relationship further. I decided to break up with her because Id rather her be happy with someone who would see her as both sexually and romantically attractive. I understood that she would be upset with me but would possibly understand that I must have a valid reason to break up with her. Doing this, however, made everything worse.

    I did not tell her that i was possibly gay since I didnt know how she would respond to the break up. If she had decided to spread that I was gay or bi, my life would significantly change since, unfortunately, I go to a very conservative school. I told her that I still wanted to be friends but our relationship has gotten worse ever since then. She now blames me for everything that didnt go right in our relationship and is gossiping to people that I am "trash" and other things. So far I have lost a good amount of friends because of this since we had a lot of mutual friends. She also insults me every time we have to work together for a class.

    It hurts because I never wanted this to happen. She was my best friend and now I cant look at her without blaming myself for this. It sucks because since im closeted I cant explain myself for whats going on. (along with other suppressed feelings but that is another topic) I wish that she would know that I did it for her own good. I wish that she would understand that my life is going to be significantly difficult simply because I am not straight. I just cant help but feel depressed.
     
  2. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Well you could tell her that you don't love her the way she loves you...
    if thats what you feel...

    concerning your supressed feelings, you might consider seeing a counselor...

    or maybe even joining a gsa, or looking for a lgbt center, for support groups or counseling...
    you might do that by phone or email if you don't want to go there...

    and you might call here if you want to talk to someone in person:
    GLBT National Help Center
    (using a mobile might be preferable)

    hugs