I'm going to summarize it the best I can because I have some major venting needing to go on. My boyfriend and I split two weeks ago and were together for about a year and lived together majority of the time. He was jobless the first 5 months of living with me and I had to push and convince him to work because we could barely afford to feed ourselves. After working, he'd always complain about how tired he was and how he ached all the time. Getting him to help out little by little was like performing miracles and I've had to nag him now and then because coming home to everything being a mess was exhausting for me to always clean up everything by myself. We'd hardly make conversation because he would always have a PS3 headset on and would be glued to it or his laptop and the sex was on rare occasion. Let me just state that we did have a good thing going on and I let him get by with quite a lot before.. perhaps I overdid it. I'd let him splurge most of his paychecks and would cover all the rent and bills that we had because I really didn't care too much. Trying to make this as short as possible.. I didn't want to be anyone's parent and I had enough of it. I had a talk with him and he flat out said he would not change and that he'd move out when he saves up enough money. I knew his mommy would come and get him so I kicked him out. I told him to pack up his things which I ended up doing. Spent a day on it because he refused and I wanted it out as quick as possible. I wrote him a $200 check for fixing my cat which he did pay for a few months back. But what pisses me off so much is that I found out he's been lying to everyone for months now, making me out to be this horrible jerk who never lets him rest or anything and is always up in his business and is putting up with it for his job. I don't have a halo over my head and he wasn't entirely bad but finding out all the boguess lies hitting me at once left me speechless. His mother threatened to take me to court even after I told my side of the story and I've been harassed and called names by a few people. He had the option to stay at a hotel for a few days until his next paycheck.. he would've had enough cash to get himself an effeciency place quick and I know this due to our area. There's plenty available to move in asap. But it was his choice to go back home and have mommy take care of him so he can not grow up for a while. I felt better after a week or so but now my anger is building up again after yesterday and I keep having nightmares and can't sleep well at all. I have work in 2 hours and I've been up all night trying to sleep. I'm not even trying to think about this stuff on purpose because I'm happily single and feel better off. But what I'm asking is for advice. How do I deal with this? Because I really don't want to resort to pills or alcohol. Sorry for the long post.
I'm sorry this happened to you, Mikeysaur. Hearing your side of the story makes him sound like a spoiled jerk. However it's probably better this happened sooner rather than later - while I don't like to think hypothetically, it would've been harder to deal with if it had gone on longer. You're right to avoid resort to pills or alcohol to deal with your problem. What you have to realise is that everything that has happened is in the past. You must accept what has happened and move forward. A big part of this is dealing with residual anger that still exists, which everyone deals with differently. I will tell you that a good way to deal with this is to keep yourself optimistic about the future. It's not easy to get past your anger and regret, it's a perfectly natural response that takes time to go away. Just try your hardest to not let it affect your life. If at any point you feel anger coming on, stop what ever you're doing and take some deep breaths. Tell yourself that what's happened is in the past and you won't let it affect the present. Keep breathing and reassuring yourself until you feel okay again. Also, work on looking after yourself during this time. You can make yourself less irritable by getting a good night's sleep every night. Why not even challenge yourself to exercise a little more and eat healthier during this time? Exercise is a great stress relief and eating healthier will make you feel better about yourself (as well as the obvious health benefits). All in all I wish you well and good luck in the future. I hope you can find the kind of guy you deserve.
In all honesty, you don't need advice because you did the right thing. If one person in a relationship is not contributing or making an effort it is unfair and will always cause problems. The best relationships are based around equality with both partners bringing something to the table. You didn't have that Mikeysaur - you had a year with a bum and it was absolutely right for you to say, enough of it. I'm confident the majority of EC members would have done exactly the same. If he has been telling lies you are going to be angry, but you'd be even more angry (with yourself) if you allowed him to stay, don't you think? We live and learn and you will be wiser in future. While you are angry he is still controlling your emotions and responses so try to let go of it, just as you have let go of him. Letting go is the right thing to do as it gives you space to rebuild the relationship with yourself and to move ahead with your life. You don't need pills or alcohol, you just need to get your mind in the right place. Sharing it with us is a good idea, so vent some more if you need to... let it out.
