Meeting the family

I'm living this situation now. Neither me nor my boyfriend are out to our parents so as far as our respective parents are concerned, the other person doesn't exist. I don't think you need to worry because the majority of gay people have had some fear relating to their sexuality and thus can empathise with you. The most important thing for you is communication, so they can understand your decision. It might come across as you not being serious about the relationship if you don't explain why you don't want to introduce them to your family.

 

I would understand and be okay with it. Of course I would ask for an explanation as to why they refuse, but I would then let it be and respect the choice. If you meet someone who can't respect your choice, then they can't really respect you as who you are.

 

This could've been a sticking point with me and my bf. Before the holidays, we'd decided to take a trip to California to see my family for Spring Break. At that time, I was out to one side of the family and planning to tell the other side of the family, and he wasn't out to his parents. It felt odd to me--both of us really value family, and the idea of him flying 2000 miles ad meeting mine while at the same his parents didn't know about me felt weird.

So with a little prodding and a lot of encouragement and support from me, he did come out to his parents. They took it a lot better than he expected, and his dad is excited to meet me at some point (still working on his mom). And he said that he did it in part because he knew it could've been a problem in our relationship down the road.

For me, the issue was the imbalance--we'd been dating for seven months at that point and my parents knew about him all along, whereas I was still a secret to his parents, and I didn't like that. If neither of us was out to our parents it probably would've been different.

Just my two cents.

 

While it's not the best situation, I would certainly be as accepting as possible. I'm sure a large percentage LGBT people know exactly how that situation feels.

Besides, the point of a relationship is to be supportive of the other person. Sure, it's not the most ideal situation, if someone really loves you they should be understanding and have enough confidence to respect your decision to not tell your family. The sad truth is there are still a lot of homophobic people out there, and sometimes it's just easier to keep these things under the table for a while.

I actually had a ex-friend who told me that he would break it off if that happened, but that was only because he knew I was interested in him and he didn't feel the same.

 

I would probably understand and be ok. But there's a big IF here. If they were having a "normal" relationship with their son but didn't want to acknowledge him being gay and him having a boyfriend, then I'd probably get mad at my bf and have a conversation with him about that. But If they didn't have any relationship at all, then I wouldn't care meeting them. I do secretely hope that we'll both meet each other's families, though.

 

I feel that your partner would understand the difficulty in coming out, and be supportive and understanding of your situation.. However after a while of dating, it might become a problem in the relationship especially if your partner is out of the closet and youre not. I feel that everyone has to take their time and come out when they are ready, there is a process and it is different for everyone, but I do feel not being out could cause an issue in the relationship down the road.

 

I have often wondered how I would feel in a situation like that. If it were a long term relationship, I might honestly find it difficult. But it is definitely not a deal breaker if I love the person. I mean, I'd still be able to share them with my family... so as long as they are open to meeting my family, that's fine.

Personally, I think my greatest fear is that my partner's family would continuously pressure them to marry/have kids etc... sometimes that pressure is just too much for some women and they might give in. I feel like it must happen more than I'd like to admit!

 

I think that I would be okay with that. Not everyone's family is accepting and sometimes it is best to just avoid bad situations. I completely understand where you are coming from and whoever you date in the future should too. Not only are you looking out for yourself, you would also be looking out for them. You wouldn't want to bring them into a situation where they would feel animosity or threatened either, I'm sure?

Maybe the best thing to do when this situation arises, is to make sure you're out in the open with them to all the people you know would be accepting. Say your friends? So they don't feel like they're a dirty little secret.

Hope this helps.