1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

straight boy fun,or something more?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Mattx, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. Mattx

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2014
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Altavista
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Okay so I'm gay etc. I'm friends with a "straight" guy and he has no clue I'm gay. He was over at my place a couple of weeks ago and while watching tv he suggested that we watch porn. Now at this point I'm thinking wtf but let's just go with it,after all he is attractive. So we start watching and things happen. He asks me to play truth or dare and lets just say it ended with us with no clothes and *very intimate things happened. So the time he came over it happened again but without the porn we just did it. Iv'e asked him if he is gay and it's okay to tell me etc and he said he's straight and then said well probably about 98% straight. "So I here's what this whole thread was about I don't want to be intimate with another guy if he isn't even (into) me as in a relationship type of way. Confusion at the MAX:***:
     
  2. JREChi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2014
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Near Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've had a one night fling with a straight guy (devorced and has 3 kids). We went to college football game and then hit up a few bars afterwards. We went back to my place (he was visiting from back home) and I went to bed expecting him to sleep on the couch. Nope by the time I turned around he was in his underwear and grabbing my ass. We did our thing, he went back to sleep on the couch like it was no big deal. We still talk every once in a while but I just kinda think of it as single event and don't put to much emotion into it. My advice to you would be to not get too emotionally attached and just go with it. I'm sure at some point it will fizzle out (since he claims he's straight that's going to be his main playing field).
    Hope that helps.
     
  3. GreyIce1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2015
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wolverhampton
    Gender:
    Male
    Sounds fun but you two need to share more details!!
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You don't need to share any more details. :slight_smile:

    My guess is you're dealing with someone who is in the early stages of the coming out process... remember the 5 stages (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). So this is some serious denial.

    One of my (gay) friends jokes "It isn't gay if the balls don't touch" and I think this guy is probably thinking along those lines.

    Be cautious. Try not to develop feelings for him because he may suddenly go into massive further denial and refuse any further sexual activity and not even want to talk to you. Or... he could start down the road of coming out. In any case, it will take time and patience and you may not end up with someone who's out and comfortable.

    If you're willing to take it for what it is, don't get attached, don't push him, and are patient, then I see nothing wrong with it.

    How old is he and how old are you?
     
  5. badluckfairy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2014
    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stourbridge, United Kingdom
    Like others have said, as long as you don't develop attachment then feel free to go with it.

    He may be questioning his sexuality and experimenting, and may still conclude that he is straight, or that he's bi.
     
  6. robclem21

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    I doubt he is 100% straight as he has admitted, and I think knowing your stage in life may help clarify what's exactly going on here. Personally, this happened to me with about 5 guys in high school, and not one of them (7 years later) has come out except me. Some guys honestly just let their hormones get the best of them and do things they maybe aren't sure if they want to yet.

    As Chip has said this could go one of 2 ways:

    1) He will slowly start to become more comfortable with the idea in his head and may start coming out, or

    2) (The far more common option based on my opinion and experience) It will go on for a little longer, he will panic and probably go even deeper into denial and cease contact with you all together in hopes that he won't have to face those feelings again.
     
  7. The reason you are confused is because you are making some flawed assumptions about his sexuality - first, you are assuming his sexuality is rigidly defined. Secondly you are assuming his sexuality was totally clear to him.

    People don't get handed a template at puberty saying "You are 100% straight" or "You are entirely gay" or "you are 98% straight and 2% gay" and then stick to that. What happens is they meet people and occasionally feel a strong urge to get physical with them, and sometimes also emotionally close. So people's sexuality is only revealed fully over time, by their actions and authentic feelings. A lot of people, due to societal expectations and conformity, also hide to varying degrees of effectiveness many of those feelings that don't match the dominant norm.

    Actions speak louder than words. Asking someone what their sexuality is, is similar to asking them how good they are in bed - completely useless. They don't know how good they are, and even if they did, they often won't tell the truth! The way you find out if someone is good in bed (for you) is to go to bed with them, not to ask them. Similarly, the way to find out if a guy is attracted to another guy (you) is to see if he gets hard and then has sex with you...if he does it twice, it's safe to say he has some attraction to men...regardless of the words that come out of his mouth. He doesn't even have to be consciously misleading you...it is probably just as much a surprise to him that he can get aroused by a guy, as it is to you.

    Imagine how you would feel if one day you met a woman and found yourself getting turned on, then going to bed with her and enjoying it...having identified as gay all your life...it would probably confuse you a bit, right? Even if you had no prejudice or internalised societal conditioning at all, you would be having to process something new, that went against what you thought about yourself, based on years of past behaviour.

    So my advice is stop intellectualising it so much. Sex and relationships are mostly not cerebral activities, they are about animal passion, physicality, and emotions. Think music, not physics - would you stop a musician mid-concert to ask them to analyse and define the category of their performance? The more you ask him to define and analyse it, the more it will feel like pressure, hard work, nagging - instead of fun, hot, seductive. Guess which is more likely to get him closer and more open with you.

    If he is into you he will keep meeting you and having sex, then hanging out etc. Let it develop naturally and don't worry about labels or quizzing him on his nature.
     
  8. raiden04

    raiden04 Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2014
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere in Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Lol keep it in your pants :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  9. GreyIce1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2015
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wolverhampton
    Gender:
    Male
    Wuht? I can't give advice with this level of detail.
     
  10. Johanz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2014
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm currently in this situation right now and I totally get you. Just try your best not to get attached because I know I did.. But I know it was all infatuation because that intense desired died down a lil bit.. I was almost obsess with this guy but I tried my best not getting too attached and months and months later we still hooked up but I'm not as infatuated to him anymore it's more of just normal horniness and lust.. Just let things go smoothly and don't think to much about it and keep yourself busy because the more you don't want to think about him the more you you do.. Also, this might be weird but if I start thinking about the guy I'm crushing on I usually just jerk off and BAM!!! It always goes away for me.. That's why I think it's just lust lol.. Also one of the people gave me an advice about not pressuring or ask keep asking about his sexuality because you might just pushed him away.. I bet he is already confused and in denial, and perhaps he is also just really horny and wants to get off.. I know cuz one of my FWB just talk to me when he is horny lol it sucks so don't ever ever get attached..
     
  11. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, with just one sexual experience it's hard to confirm his orientation.

    Remember how girls fool around and make out with other girls? Doesn't mean that they're lesbians.

    Many guys assume that if you do something sexual with the same gender that automatically means you're gay or at the very least bi. You still can't conclude anything from that.

    He could be horny.

    He could be open minded.

    Or he could be pansexual, bi, gay, straight.

    You get the idea.

    Lets not try to force people into boxes, guys.