So here I am, in a nearly year long relationship with the love of my life, we plan on marrying this year. So why do I feel so lonely a lot of the time? She suffers from depression and says she's not good at showing affection, and not a "mushy" romantic person. I've told her I need more love and affection, that we're more than friends and are supposed to be in love and she needs to show it more. Yet she doesn't. When I'm the only one who seems to show the love and affection and it doesn't get given back, it just pushes me away. Why make the effort? My self esteem and worth in this relationship are chipping away. She was with her ex for 6 years and says she's completely over her, yet she still has pictures of them together. She was going through some stuff last night and I saw the pictures of them together. They looked "in love" and happy and affectionate. It hurt me so incredibly bad to see that. The pics weren't a secret, I knew about them and I'm not jealous thinking she wants her ex back, she keeps everything.. What hurt was seeing her that way with someone else.. Why is it so hard for her to show me love? I'm breaking inside and need help and advice please.
If you're feeling this confused and sad and hurt... I would not be too hurried to get married. Things like mismatched levels of affection can cause real issues with what seem like solid relationship-- while it could be as straightforward as your girlfriend not being a "mushy" person, there could be some underlying issues, especially if the old pictures show her being affectionate... I just know in my last relationship, that lasted 4 years, when the affection started to wane... the root problem wasn't about the lack of desire to be intimate, there were other, fundamental problems we just weren't able to fix. So while I'm not sure of what advice to give, I would recommend taking a deeper look at your relationship, and even sit down with the love of your life and figure out if there is something else going on, that she might be worried about or stressing over. Also, I would recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's about how, emotionally, people need love; and that you need to find the best way people receive love, which may not necessarily be how you give it. (if that makes sense. google it ) Good luck with this, and I hope everything ends up working out. Please do not forget that you deserve to be happy, and to not feel alone.
I may be young, but I definitely know how you feel. My girlfriend of two years (as of today, actually) suffers from bipolar depression, and it feels like, recently, I'm the only one she *doesn't* really talk to. She has a eating disorder that she's been dealing with, and back when it was really bad, she started on a support website, and the people she met there have practically become her best friends. I'm not jealous of them in the sense that I think something would happen, but I do miss her confiding in me for everything, or anything, for that matter. It's like I'm just kind of around now, but just for her to have beside her. There's hardly any intimacy, communication, or even feelings anymore besides saying "I love you" all the time. It's like feeling together, but completely alone all at once. Long story short, you're not the only one who feels this way, and I hope you don't blame yourself, because it's definitely not your fault. <3 I've been told that couples counselling may help if I want the relationship to last, so you may want to consider something like that, if your partner is willing to work on what may be going on for you guys. Aside from that, just expressing the need to really sit down and talk to your love about how you feel can sometimes work wonders, if they realize that you really do need to be heard. In any case, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope everything goes alright for you~
