I don't even know how to start I don't know whats wrong with me!!!!! Nothing feels the same anymore!!! I have tried!!!!! But i just dont seem to get over my first love. Im gay and he is straight.... I mean i don't even know if he is straight or bisexual or whatever.... I just can't let go of him.... I know him for almost 4 years... I love him so much!!!! I can't sleep and i just keep thinking about him all day!!! He seems so perfect to me! Like I couldn't ask for anything better than him... Well love has blinded me (((( omg im so stupid its kind of complicated and since the first time i told him that i loved him and that i was gay, we've been kind of friends with benefits but only whenever he wants because he is always busy when i want.... I feel so sick of it already i habetried to distanced myself from him!! I even try cutting contact with him for 6-7months but i gave up in a moment of weakness!!! Nothing feels the same without him!!! I love him so much and i know deep down inside of me that it's not healthy but still I don't seem to get over it!!! I have never meet any gay or bisexual friends (aside from him). I feel like im ugly and that i will never find love... I know maybe im wrong but it just doesn't seem like it... I know people will say just wait and seee that love will find you... But what do i do know???? Waste my life (((( i have no motivation to do anything I'm in college but i dont even feel like keep on going, i just go because my parents have sacrificed themselves to give me everything i needed to get to where i am now in life.... Its so sad and heartbreaking(( is like something is taking away my happiness.... He just use me for sex whenever he wants and i,like a crazy ugly boy, go running right away ((( its just hard dealinn with this extremely anxiety and letting go of the first love of my life, someone who used to be my beat friend, someone i have tried to forget and let go.... I don't even know what to do.... I don't think i will ever forget him till i find someone better.. Whom i could love but i just don't want to force it im just a closeted gay young adult that doesn't know how to deal with this and its been a year since high school... At least there i just to have fun.... will i ever meet someone else?????? Im so fucking ugly although two of my friends (girls) say im not but i honestly don't believe it. I dont think anyone would ever love me ( well not as much as i would) If more information is needed let me know ---------- Post added 10th Feb 2015 at 05:45 PM ---------- Sorry for all the spelling mistakes, i typed this while i was crying...
