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Should you date someone you know isn't like you?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by SensesFailX, Feb 10, 2015.

  1. SensesFailX

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    I've basically become available on the dating market again, and theres actually quite a few guys that are interested in me. And while some of them are attractive, they really aren't like me. I absolutely hate to say straight acting, and I definitely don't act masculine or macho, but most people assume I'm straight and the guys that are interested in me, well they're very flamboyant.
    And honestly I don't have much of a problem with that, it's just little things like them liking lady gaga/nicki minaj/lana del rey while I'm over here listening to post hardcore/metal/punk kind of music. And I know we wouldn't have much to talk about considering their favorite topics being actresses/gossip and mine being music/nerdy movies.

    So should I wait it out for someone whos more like myself or just experiment around dating people that I'm fairly certain aren't much like me?
     
  2. Paper Heart

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    I think you should go for it. They may surprise you! I'm nerdy and love heavier music as much as I love pop songs. Just because we show off one part of ourselves more often than others doesn't mean there isn't more to us. Plus, dating is a time to get to know a person better!
     
  3. Emmanuella

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    Why not?! Th e don't have to be exactly like you... I was thinking about this a few days ago. Since we are the same genders as our partners, we seem to place a lot of extra a emphasis on having a LOT in common. It'd be nice to have a thing or two in common, especially more in terms of ideals and general life style.
    But with straight couples it's perfectly normal to have very different interests than your partner (think of the stereotypical guy who likes sports and woman who likes romantic comedies), so I don't think it needs to be any different for us.
     
  4. robclem21

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    I agree. Go for it. If after a few dates you find its not working for you then move on. :slight_smile:
     
  5. wasgij

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    How do you know they're not like you if you haven't dated them? :icon_wink

    Really similar couples can sometimes irk me. And that dominant-submissive archetype where one partner is always agreeing with everything. Eww! It's emotionally dishonest -- bottling-up your real feelings "for the sake of the relationship". As if that can last forever... That is, if you want a relationship to last, bottling things up is probably bad.

    Then again, I'm also put off by constant bickering. Arguments freak me out, so I'm one of those people that likes a bit of reassurance with coyness and playfulness even during a disagreement. Because even though people are different, I think a cool partner will still acknowledge you, respect your differences and enjoy your company despite the little things that you disagree about.
     
    #5 wasgij, Feb 11, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2015
  6. MeganMarie

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    I would say yes by all means if you like the person why shouldn't you date them.

    Reminded of this episodes of Seinfeld was dating a girl that was just like him. Then he found out after sometime he did not really like himself that much...LOL
     
  7. greatwhale

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    I guess it is important to make a distinction between superficialities, such as preferences in entertainment and the like vs. the deep-seated beliefs that underlie so much of what we do.

    The difficulty is that we live so much of our lives on the surface, so much so, that we are mostly strangers to ourselves.

    If you speak to the elderly, especially those who can articulate their wisdom, they will almost always tell you that it is better to be with someone as similar to you as possible, but the similarities must be with the big things, such as: wanting children, what they believe is right or wrong, spirituality, attitudes toward life, how they handle anger and frustrations, and especially their language of love.

    So, your first task is to know yourself on these deeper levels, and only then, find someone who agrees with you on most of these aspects. Whatever differences you may have can be complementary, or they can remain in such as way that you can say: he always does that [insert irritating minor quirk here], I didn't have to understand it, all I had to do was love him anyway...
     
  8. resu

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    There is actually no one like you. You are unique, as is every other person. The sooner you stop boxing yourself in what you can't do, the better. You'll find the right person by how they make you feel.
     
  9. m e l v i n

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    some people don't feel like "experimenting" with others who are different from them, but that's not because they don't believe that a relationship with a person with different interest is not gonna work out :slight_smile: some just use to have first impressions when they see other people's interest.. just like when he sees someone listening to some girly, pop music, he'd think like, "he seems great, but maybe not really my type because he's too feminine or flamboyant for me" and that's not because of the difference itself but maybe because of the impression that the difference brings (after all, even some masculine straight guys listen to pop music :lol: ).. i've actually chatted with some guys before who think that way.. one said that the reason is that he don't want a relationship where the partners assume roles, like he would be the man (masculine) and the other one is more like the woman (the feminine one).. he said he wants a relationship wherein both partners are just the same, that's why as much as possible, he only dates those who are on the more masculine side like him because that's what he wants right from the start.. i don't think he has anything against femmes and it's just his preferences because he's actually nice with his feminine gay friends.. i understand where he's coming from, because honestly, sometimes i feel that way too.. i don't know if it's the same case for you, but i just think that you wouldn't really be bad or discriminating if you voice out your preferences :wink: you know what you want more than anyone else, just trust your feelings

    anyway, that's just a thought :slight_smile: i agree with everyone else, there's nothing wrong with dating someone who isn't like you :slight_smile: after all that's one of the reasons you date right? to get to know more about each other :icon_redf besides, differences actually spices up relationships.. it keeps you interested with each other :slight_smile: greatwhale is right though, there are major and minor differences.. know the ones which can affect you in a deeper level, apart from that, the other "little things" can actually be a good thing :wink: i wish you the best SensesFailX (*hug*)

    :thewave: