I'm 33 now and I have a brother who is 3 years my junior. He's going to have his first child soon and it feels strange. A few years ago he met the woman of his dreams and now the time seemed to be right to start a family. Especially the fact that he's younger makes it feel a little strange. I call myself gay-bi. I think I can only have a relationship with a man but having sex with women does turn me on. But it still means that I won't have a romantic relationship with a woman but I do want to have children and not when I'm old. Adoption is something I wouldn't consider. There's just something about the biolotical connection that appeals to me the most. I also think it's important that my child knows his mom so a surrogate would feel as if I "buy" a kid. I do know a few gay men ( I mean I don't know them well but I know who they are) having a kid with a woman without having a relationship. I even know a gay couple having two kids with a lesbian couple. I know it's not easy but it's definitely something I want to start thinking about already. It's not that I can go to a supermarket and buy it. It's easier as a straight couple but nothing is impossible. What are your thoughts on it?
Eh, maybe a bit bad luck with the timing. But now that you have my attention: my views on the topic! Personally, I did start out feeling the same as you did. I really wanted to have a biological kid (and my boyfriend would be allowed to get one of his own as well, of course). And if I were to have a biological one, I would indeed like to know the woman who carried it, as well as the woman whose eggs were used (if the two are different). It's only natural for kids to want to know their background, after all. But on the other hand... I have been reconsidering this in recent years. I mean: I get the appeal of biological descent, I really do. But a large part of raising kids would be that I get to do so with my partner. And it feels almost wrong to me that one kid should be more "mine", and the other should be more "his". And what if we have a fight and drag the kids into this? And what if I manage to get mine and his doesn't materialise? Would one of us resent the other for having his kid and not having one himself? Also, I've found that I bond with kids really easily. Be they kids of family or friends, I tend to immediately get along with them well and instinctively look out for them. So: I feel that adoption is right for me after all. It wouldn't be mine or my partner's kid biologically. But that would also mean it's from both of us in equal parts! adoption is also probably still slightly easier than the whole surrogacy option. And I'm sure we'd both love the hell out of any kids we'd adopt. But don't take the above as disagreement with you! I get the appeal of biological children, and I wouldn't fault anyone for choosing that as the est road to go.
Great, I don't have a partner right now, so I see it from another point of view. If I'd have a partner and he wouldn't feel the need to be the biological father, great. If he does feel the need to have a biological child, we could both have a kid, but I would never feel that I'm the father of that kid, more some sort of uncle, but that's me. It would be ideal to have a female friend who wants to have kids without having a ( male) partner.
