I've been seeing a guy for a couple months now, and I want to take things further but he won't. We're not even exclusive yet, although I've been treating our "relationship" as a monogamous type of deal. I really like him and wish he would commit to me even a little bit, but he still talks to other guys. It's really bothering me and I don't want this to mess things up but I feel undervalued. It's upsetting and unfortunate because other than this he's a sweetheart.
That's definitely not good. You should always feel that you are treated great and are fulfilled. Have you spoken with him about this issue? That's the only thing that I can recommend. Honesty and communication are the key to any relationship. Trust is always a must. At the same time, I know it's never good to push someone beyond what they are comfortable with. Hopefully you can speak with him if you have not and work out some of the issues that you are having. Obviously, a compromise has to be made. You are not getting something that you need out of the relationship. Sit down sometime when the time is right and you have a clear mind, things are calm, and you both have some good time to commit to the conversation, and just let him know how you are feeling. I wish you luck and I am sorry you are feeling under appreciated. *hug*
Well clearly you aren't on the same page here. The only thing that's going to solve the problem is to just straight up ask what it is he wants. Does he just want friends with benefits or something more? But, being completely honest here, if I were you I'd walk away and find someone who wants a relationship too. Even if he is a sweetheart, the fact that you two aren't exclusive after a few months is a worry (my current boyfriend and I were exclusive from the first date.. not a rule to necessarily follow, but we have good trust in each other). I could see it leading to suspicion further down the line, especially for someone who has self-esteem issues.
He already told me he wants a relationship eventually but just to "take things slow"... I agreed to taking things slow but this is a bit ridiculous. I've treated it as a monogamous situation from the first date myself, come to find out he hasn't even done close to that. It just sucks because he really is someone I would like to be with for a long while at least.
Seems to me that he's using you as a 2nd resort. He's having you wait until he finds someone else, and then once he does, you'll be history. I'd confront him.
What happened? I'm sorry that things didn't go well. But it's honestly better to confront something than leave it sit. Because then it will just get worse. You weren't feeling right about something, and you spoke with him, so I am proud of you. I'm just sorry it wasn't easy on you. Feel free to vent and tell us what happened if you want? We're here for you.
Oh gosh... That's not your fault. It's his. For him to still be talking to guys, yet say he "eventually" wants a relationship? That's awful. He was just stringing you along for his best interest.
