1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it possible to be alone but not lonely?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by The Odd One, Feb 16, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. The Odd One

    The Odd One
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2015
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio, USA
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So I am 18 at a community college with no friends, no SO and no social skills to acquire either of the above. I have come to the conclusion that it may be best to simply give up on people and become more self-oriented. I have tried this for the last 6 months with practically no worthwhile conversation, waiting for myself to get used to not talking to people.
    This has not yet happened and I would like to know if there are any ways to not have any friends, no girlfriend, no family worth anything for now, almost no money and to not have loneliness permeate every my mind at every idle moment.
     
    #1 The Odd One, Feb 16, 2015
  2. Belle the Bee

    Belle the Bee
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2015
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Its definitely possibly to be alone yet not lonely. I feel that way all the time. But I don't think you should necessary shut yourself out. As much as I hate people some times, I personally need that human connection in my life. So don't completely give up on people but if you feel like being alone be alone :icon_wink
     
    #2 Belle the Bee, Feb 16, 2015
  3. bingostring

    bingostring
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    yes its possible
    but don't rule anything in or out
    things can change - especially if you want them to
     
    #3 bingostring, Feb 16, 2015
  4. jay777

    jay777
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I would suggest the following:
    - you most likely got a feeling for yourself lately. Accept it. This is you. Meaning you are a nice person, ok as you are.
    - go out with this feeling. If there is anything off, its not up to you. Just be yourself. Don't be nervous, just be calm and yourself. Start to enjoy yourself.
    -you could do some tings that you like and bring you in some contact with others. A literature course... a bookreading course... a photography course... a language course... something that you enjoy, and that brings you slowly in contact with some others. You can just sit there in the beginning, and slowly get to know people during breaks.
    If you like it, you could have something to look forward to...

    You could apply for full membership on EC and join the chat...

    You might even speak to a counselor, asking which possibilities there are in your place...

    and you could train a bit, giving a smile to the cashier... giving a smile to people ...

    just keep at it, try a few things... and do things you like...
    (*hug*)
     
    #4 jay777, Feb 16, 2015
  5. Michael

    Michael
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2014
    Messages:
    2,602
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    True friendship isn't cheap. Takes a lot of time, patience... Some decide to stay on their own for a while, just like you. There is nothing wrong with it.

    Against loneliness you can do the following :

    1- Know yourself and become your best friend. Make yourself happy, and keep yourself in good company.
    2- Know what you love, and devote yourself entirely to it.
    3- Don't become entirely asocial. Make some chit-chat on a daily basis, there is plenty of people around. Read some books about the subject, if you feel you can't even do it. Practice a lot and you'll master it.
    4- Go out with someone every week or so, and have some light social interaction, but don't get too involved with anyone. Don't take anyone too seriously.
    5- Read all you can about crime. Focus on the negative side of human nature.

    About having no money, there must be free stuff around. Check some local magazines, use the internet. Become creative.

    Keep a window open, like Kafka said. Don't stay all day at the house.

    Best luck to you.
     
    #5 Michael, Feb 16, 2015
  6. happydavid

    happydavid
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2014
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    A town near Birmingham England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It's possible if that's how you feel
     
    #6 happydavid, Feb 16, 2015
  7. jay777

    jay777
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'd say the advice is great... except for this... :slight_smile:
    don't concentrate too much on neg stuff, focus on what brings you joy, makes you feel positive feelings and is uplifting...

    I personally feel repulsed otherwise, and being confronted with stuff which is not my own... :slight_smile:
     
    #7 jay777, Feb 16, 2015
  8. greatwhale

    greatwhale
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Not only is it possible, it is a desirable state to be in before engaging in dating. With this mindset, you enter into relationships from a position of strength, as opposed to need.
     
    #8 greatwhale, Feb 16, 2015
  9. The Odd One

    The Odd One
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2015
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio, USA
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thanks everyone!
    It's just that one of the main issues is that I don't really want to be alone, if I could have people around than I would be happy to, I just can't because I always find a reason not to talk to people. "I don't want to interrupt them," "It would be weird/creepy," and "They will just leave sooner or later like everyone else," are some of the highlights.
    As much as I would love to love being alone, I can't get over the loneliness and complete lack of engagement of it. I in fact, don't like being alone, it's just that I don't know how to properly start a conversation without relying on what amounts to a perfect storm of minutia to come together- direction of travel, time of day, mood on both sides, eating, working, walking or not- everything comes into account and gets in the way of doing stuff in the ridiculous bureaucracy that is any train of thought in my mind.
    It may or may not be helpful to note that I am polite and not-unfriendly to people that I run into- cashiers, professors, family- I smile and nod, maybe make a brief small talk if they initiate but I never trust anyone in person with deeply personal information. Doing so has at best done nothing and at worst resulted in ridicule for weeks on end. As such, I never really get to know anyone and we just end up in idle awkward silence until someone walks away.

    Also, Vodkabaret- go out with someone every week or so? I've never been out with anyone. I have profoundly no idea how to go about that and have practically no creativity or ability to improvise- from what I understand, critical skills for this task.

    I've tried finding what makes me happy but as yet I've only found some not-boring stuff to keep me busy and have been doing so for several years now while other people are out with people doing stuff. I'm sorry to seem like such a downer/whiner but I just can't seem to get a solid grip on anything right now.
    Again, thank you for the advice. I will try to keep it in mind.
     
    #9 The Odd One, Feb 16, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)