So a lot has happened since I last posted a thread here. In regards to emotions, I think I have gained a considerable amount of emotional maturity over the past year or so. Despite being an intelligent person, I've never really had the most stable, clear emotions. However, I feel like I have gained a lot of control on that of late. Until recently. I had started dating a guy (let's call him Joe) for a few months. We had tried dating last summer, although things didn't really work out. But since December, we had been dating again after we 'rekindled' a connection. I had been catching feelings for him again after drifting apart, and eventually mustered up the courage to tell him. Yet to my surprise, he felt the same, and we began speaking again (which eventually led on to dating). I was extremely happy. He claimed he really liked me, that he didn't want to lose me and he even told me that he would have made a huge mistake if he wouldn't have gave me another chance. I was almost infatuated; everything seemed to be going great, we apparently both genuinely felt for each other, and I could see things actually going far this time. Due to this, I built my hopes up high and far (which I don't usually do) and saw us lasting a long time. He had asked me to go out for Valentine's day on the 8th of February. Of course I accepted; I was going to see a movie with him and go for a nice meal beforehand. He then messaged me on the 11th asking if we were still going. I said yes of course, and he simply replied "awesome xxxxxx". Strange just to ask out of the blue, but I dismissed it. Later that day though, he messaged me asking if we could talk. I knew it was bad, And started to panic quite a bit. He told me that he just wanted us to be friends and that he didn't see a future with us as partners. I was so upset, he was saying sorry and that he didn't want to lose me as a mate, but I was not happy with a simple sorry. I was angry, upset not only with him, but with myself- I felt like such a mug as, in my eyes, I had been led on. I just ignored his messages for the rest of the night, but the next day we had quite a big argument. I do admit that I probably pushed him to snap back, but we basically argued about who was to blame and, frankly, it was horrible. I eventually stopped replying and allowed myself to think over the course of tbe day. I messaged him back the next day, telling him i was sorry and that we could still be mates. He told me he was sorry too and that we could, but said he was busy Saturday. I was instantly suspicious. He said it was just a friend, but I was extremely skeptical and it was no coincidence that it was Valentine's Day. That day, he posted a picture of him and another male on his snapchat story. I was crushed. I instantly messaged my best friend, telling her I was worried that I had been cast aside and replaced. She messaged him, asking him who it was on his ststory. He told her it was just a mate. However, one of my friends messaged me later on telling me how her and her boyfriend had met up with Joe and his new boyfriend that day. Her boyfriend confirmed it. I was FURIOUS. Not only had I been rreplaced and led on, but also lied to. I cried and my best friend tried to comfort me, but it didn't work. My mood was so low and dreary- I hated him. But, in his eyes, I am unaware of any of this and we are still friends. The trouble is, I still really like him. The second time round is hurting greater than before :tears: I was not expecting any of this at all. But i don't know what to do. This new boyfriend must be a rebound, so I know it probably won't last too long. Or am I idealising things? Ugh I hate my feelings :bang: What should I do? One of my friends is gathering a small group of us round as his for a little party- one of them is him. And I know that if I'm drunk, I won't be able to control what I say. And he has told me himself that he always makes mistakes when he's drunk, he kisses the wrong people etc., yet when I got asked to invite him he never said no. He was more than happy to. So what should I do from here? Getting over him will be so tough
Even if this new boyfriend of his is indeed a rebound and they break up soon, would you really give him another chance after this? Anyway, this side of the world, where I guess most users are from, is sleeping right now, you'll get more advice later on today. Just be patient. Good luck.
Diego89, I completely understand where you are coming from. It is stupid of me but honestly, I would take him back. I'm just stuck on what to do from here
At the moment you are struggling with so many mixed emotions and you really need to give yourself space to reflect and recover. If you don't you may find yourself returning to that place of emotional instability and I think that would be even more damaging to you after all of the progress you have made. From your original posting: Powerful feelings... but then you followed it with this comment: Clearly, you are struggling to understand how you feel towards him and you told Diego89 that you would take him back. While things are like this you need to ask yourself if it's really a good idea to meet him again and risk getting drunk, with the increased likelihood of your emotions spilling over. When you have been badly hurt you need time to heal, and often, the relationship that needs the most healing is the one with yourself. You can't heal that relationship unless you give yourself time and space from the person who hurt you, and that means being strong enough to make a full break (including no social media contact). In all honesty, you may not be able to maintain a friendship with Joe and now is not the time to even be thinking about it. Sounds hard, I know, but you need to do it for yourself. So think carefully before you go to that gathering as you don't need anymore bad tempered arguments. The time to recover starts now. Keep talking and venting. It's an important thing to do when you have been hurt.
Thank you for all the advice Patrick. I appreciate it and it makes sense :') He really still wants to be friends, but I'm not sure whether I could just settle with that after what happened. He wasn't there yesterday, which was good (he said he couldn't make it). I was actually fairly good the whole night, not really thinking about him and letting him affect me. I didnt quite care. But at about 1am he messaged my best friend, who he had lied to, saying "looks like you're having fun there, especially [my name]". Such a basic comment got me so riled up that he had almost 'disturbed' me, so I decided to aim a status at him on my snapchat. Rather childish I admit, but he knew it was aimed at him because he asked me. It said "Don't pretend to like us when your a lying tw*t" icon_redf))". So when he aasked, I basically wrote him a small paragraph telling him that he clearly didnt 'love' my best mate if he lied to her to cover up his lies. Then I said that I don't want to be friends with him if alls he's going to do is treat me like sh*t. He replied with something along the lines of "Woah, where did this shitstorm come from?! Talk to me tomorrow when youre not completely bladdered, night ". That comment ticked me off even more, the way it comes across as snotty and arrogant. I mean what I said, so I will message him again today, with exactly the same point. He is out with his 'new boyfriend' today too :dry:
Well I talked to him. I told him I meant what I said and he said how have I lied to you? So I told him I knew about him replacing me. And he said no I haven't wtf. So I told him I saw screenshots and he told me that his mates were teasing him saying he was with someone when it was just a mate, so they must've fell for it. I'm not sure whether I believe it though :/ ugh
