So recently I've started going out with this guy who I met online at my college. He seems really nice, down to Earth, and I can tell is really interested in me. However, I've been extremely busy at college and I don't know if I can spare the time commitment necessary for a relationship. I guess the main problem is that I don't know if I really like this guy yet. I haven't had any crush-like feelings for him but I want to give him a chance. I've never been in a relationship before so I don't know how soon feelings should develop or how I should act to protect his feelings whatever way this goes.:bang: Side-note: I'm mostly out but I've found myself uncomfortable being seen on a date with a guy in public. Is this something that goes away with time?:help: I'm mostly just very new to this and any advice would be appreciated.
i think... if you're going out, and you aren't sure you even like him, then you should probably tell him that... after all to me, going out means being in a relationship, and being in a relationship to me, means that two people dig each other in some way. so letting him know that you want to keep seeing him, but you're not sure you fancy him would probably be a good idea. just be honest to him. honest but tactful. maybe getting used to being with guys in public would help you be more comfortable. i guess it depends on how you feel about the public's reaction to you? and if you can get used to that? i personally hate being noticed in public, so holding my girlfriends hand would just draw attention to us, therefore we don't do it.
Hey BrazenFox, A really nice, down-to-earth guy is not something to sneeze at. Crush-like feelings are not a prerequisite for a good relationship. I would suggest that you take your time with him and try to get to know him as much as possible. Try to see the good things in him, and the bad, before you make any decisions. This is what dating is all about. You both need to understand and agree that this can either lead to something or not, just let things happen as they must and take the time you need, and if that spark never arrives, you'll know soon enough and you can then end it amicably and with maturity.
Thanks for the advice. I told him that I wasn't really sure how I felt about him. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings but I realize that just because this is my first opportunity for a relationship with a guy, doesn't mean I have to take it. I guess I'm also not sure what I want from a relationship, and I don't want to get tied to down to something long-term right off the bat. I'll appreciate any more advice and I'll keep this thread posted on what happens, if anyone is interested.
You are wiser than you realize. Since you don't have immediate feelings for him and want to focus on school, remember this: dating is fun. At least, it should be. From what I hear. If it's not fun, it's not worth it. SO, try going on little dates with him but not too often, just to do fun things and see new stuff. If you can enjoy the time you spend with him, he might be worth keeping around. Another plus side: you can relieve a lot of stress from studies if you take two hours to yourself on a Saturday night.
Update: He keeps texting me and insisting that we hang out. Meanwhile, I've been busy every waking moment and don't have the time to take hours out of every day to spend with him. I tell him that I've been busy and won't have all that much time in the future but he still acts hurt and expects more. I think he expects a relationship and I'm just testing the waters.
Whoops, backpedal backpedal, back out now! He might be a great guy, but he's crushing on you hard and this can only end messy for the both of you. Let him know next chance you get that you aren't as serious about this as he is, and that you're too young and too busy (and too broke) to be in a committed relationship.
Thanks redghost, I thought the same thing you thought. I told him that I wasn't interested in dating right now (maybe the wrong choice of words) and he asked me to promise him that I would date him first when I decided I was ready to date. I thought that it was really inappropriate for him to make me promise myself to him like that, especially since we only met in person twice( ! ) and the last thing I told him was that I wasn't interested in dating him. He seemed to get pretty upset at this, and in more than a few words chose to end the conversation. Now, I'm definitely not interested in him anymore, but I do feel really bad for how this whole thing went down. I feel like I should message him and apologize but I know that would only make the whole situation worse. This dating thing is harder than everyone makes it look. :/
I don't even know what dating is, at this point. I asked a guy out for coffee and it's already complicated. I think you made the right decision, and you'll probably look back and cringe at how messily it ended, but it ended, and that's the ticket. The best you can do now is try to move on and focus on your studies. Since you've only seen in person twice, I'm guessing you won't randomly run into him somewhere, so at least you don't have to worry about awkward run-ins and resurfaced feelings. I wish you the best, dude.
Thanks redghost. I actually did have an awkward run in with him early this week. He walked up to me while I was eating breakfast in a dining hall and tussled my hair (twice) and asked me where I had class next. I think he saw I wasn't too enthusiastic and maybe this gives him a bit of closure by seeing me one more time. Hopefully we won't have any more run-ins.
