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How to Have a top/Vers relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Mrcake, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. Mrcake

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    Hello all, this is a general question that I need advice for. So I met this great guy over the weekend and we really hit it off. We are going to hang out more, but he is a top and I'm a vers. However, I don't want to always bottom because I'm not always in to that. Any advice? Of course there is oral sex, but I don't want to be exclusively oral.
     
  2. guitar

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    This can be difficult. On the one hand, you're fairly sexually compatible but you may never be fully satisfied in this relationship. I suppose you could get him to try bottoming, but he may be uncomfortable with that. There are other things you can do as well (such as your aforementioned oral).
     
  3. n8i2c7k

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    I have thought about this, being that I'm also a versatile who's with a top, and too me it's not too big of a deal. We're in a serious relationship so what I really care about is making sure my partner is satisfied. I know that my bf is not going to ever be into bottoming (even if he has weakly and hesitantly offered to try it once) and so I've come to accept it and make a compromise. I am interested in being a top, but I am more interested in making sure the intimacy between us isn't unpleasant. Unfortunately that probably means I'll always be a bottom, but my disappointment is less of a problem than him being uncomfortable bottoming. *sigh* Some people just aren't as wonderfully open as we are...it's a good thing you're not both tops :/
     
  4. greatwhale

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    This issue has plagued me a couple of times already. There are no easy answers, unfortunately. It really does depend on your mutual levels of satisfaction and on the quality of your non-anal sexual activities which can be numerous and equally exciting.

    Most of all, it depends on how your relationship develops. In the end, certain compromises may be worth it for the sake of the relationship (but they really, really have to be worth it!). Moreover, there are certain sexual toys that can simulate the experience of being a top without involving your sexual partner. In the end, it all depends on your level of inhibition and sexual creativity. So yes, there are ways to work around this, but it is not easy.

    Of course, the other option is an open relationship...the issues around that are numerous and extremely complicated, but it is an option for a few couples that I know (I honestly don't know how that works in reality...)
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    It's only with my current, long term partner that I have become more versatile and that's mainly due to the fact that I love and trust him a lot. In past relationships I was exclusively top. If things blossom between the two of you, it's entirely possible that he will come round to the idea of letting you top sometimes - he may even find that he enjoys it when he does. :slight_smile: Don't assume that top/bottom roles are set in stone, as quite often, they're not.
     
  6. Mrcake

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    Yeah I honestly don't understand polyamorous relationships. I think that partners should be exclusively for each other, but that's assuming they want to get married/live together. It sucks having to bottom all the time (theoretically) because I don't love it, but I can sometimes love it.... It's often a pain to get prepped and clean, especially for me. I hope he is open to the idea of trying bottoming. We'll just have to see. He is visiting me next weekend, so maybe I'll get lucky? :eusa_naug
     
  7. Mrcake

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    We had a really good talk about this and he said that he would try bottoming sometime. He said that we can go slow and everything. Now just waiting for the weekend to see what happens :grin:.