Maybe this should go into the coming out advice section, but this is specifically about my friends so I posted it here. At college I have a great group of roommates/people that hang out in our dorm often. All but two of them are pretty much oblivious to my gender problems (I don't think it's a problem that I see myself as a girl rather than a guy, the problem is me worrying about how I'll be perceived.) Now, I know this group in particular is a very liberal and accepting group and so I'm not worried about being rejected by any of them when they find out. But, I can't help but wonder whether there's a good way of opening up to the lot of them without making it too weird? I want to be more honest with them, but for some reason I just don't know how to toss into the conversation an "ahahaha, so yeah, I'm transgender did you know?" It just feel it would throw off the mood. So far the only reason I was able to open up to the two friends who know is because we happened to stay up really late this one time and I was able to confide in them since we got into "serious talk" territory. With the vast majority of my friend group I try to keep it light. I really suck at not being weird/dramatic when I speak. Yet I want these friends of mine to feel like they can know me better, and I don't want to have to hide things from them. I've contemplated making a facebook post on a page the lot of us tend to use together ... but I'm still not sure that's a good idea, since that's as much of a forum for lighthearted jokes as our dorm room is. So, any pointers? I could really use some help.:help:
Hi Jellal, You said that you really suck at not being weird/dramtic when you speak... so you could ask the two friends that do know to help you out. One of them could bring it up in a light hearted way maybe one of them could say hey guys....I want to help Jellal out and let you all know that shes (blank) its no big deal but she would like for her friends to know and if you would like to know more about it just ask her. Thats just an example...a starting point for ideas. Hope it helps
There's your answer. You're a late night confider, it seems. You'll want to have one of those "serious talk" conversations late at night -- but how that is set up, is up to you. You know your friends better than any of us. You can, throughout the conversation, lean into that territory. It's pretty easy to get people to talk about life and love. Maybe not about themselves directly, sometimes, but they'll still listen and engage because, well, look around you... society is infatuated with romance and idealism, who their companions are involved with or pining for. Use that to your advantage, and bring the conversation around to where you want it to, before letting them know. If you check their body language, and listen to the stress in their voices, you'll know more about the mood you're setting up. You'll know when a good time to deepen the conversation is, and when to lead them to what you want to say.
Kaiser, you're really good at being right about things. A late-night conversation really is the only way I can let something like this unfold organically. And it's true that romance is a pretty common "serious interest" that all of us share to some degree. When it's my turn to talk, I'd be able to say why I was uncomfortable pursuing a romantic relationship. One reason is responsibility—real devotion toward another person is a kind of maturity that I don't think I've developed enough yet. Another reason is my gender, I just wouldn't feel comfortable being "male" in a serious relationship. BAM, truth bomb.
