So there's this person I'm friends(?) with. Let's call her Pat. Almost a year ago, I was having a really tough time so, seeing as I was really close to her, I turned to her for advice on days I felt dejected or sad..this was a bad idea. I had never realized how insensitive, emotionally unintelligent, and pointlessly cruel she was. She hurt my feelings over and over during that period of time in my life and I don't easily get hurt feelings. Finally, there was one thing she said (over text) that made me snap, so right after that I cut off contact with her. I deleted her number and blocked her from my phone. However, I did not unfriend her on Facebook because we have the same close-knit circle of mutual friends and I didn't want to share what was going on with them. My logic was that if they see Pat and I are not friends on Facebook anymore, they may think something is up. In retrospect, I could have just made my friend list private but it's too late for that now. I say that because a couple of months ago, I ran into Pat again along with my other friend. I didn't want to be mean so I was nice to Pat even though I still wasn't over what she did. Now, all of a sudden, Pat assumes we're friends again. I may be enabling her thinking that way by being nice to her but I don't want to be mean so what else can I do? Pat is also one of those people who can't take anything seriously so if I try and get her to have a conversation about what happened last year, she'll probably just joke about it. I can't imagine myself confronting her directly and saying "I don't want to be your friend" because I feel like that's harsh. Even though she hasn't changed and she's still kind of an insensitive ass, I don't want to ruin her reputation to my other friends by telling them what happened. She is not a bad person and all our mutual friends really like her. However, she can be relentlessly cruel but whether or not my other friends know or understand the depth of cruelness is a mystery to me. It really irritates me to have such a negative person in my life but I'm really stuck on what to do especially since I'm so used to running away from confrontation. Any advice?
What did she actually do that was so cruel and insensitive? I'm not doubting your side of the story, but I've been in situations that sound similar for me, where I felt terrible after getting rejected. One of the hard parts was that my feelings of anger and hatred had nowhere to go. How could I hate the person that I liked?? But maybe it's something completely different?
It's personal but since this website is a generally private, I will share. When I was going through depression after a suicide attempt, she repeatedly told me to kill myself (again) to the point where I was stupid enough to listen to her. Thank God that second attempt also failed because I'm happy now that I didn't go through with it. I keep telling myself I've forgiven her but that doesn't mean that I want to be friends again. She has a history of stealing as well but that is another story.
You say she's a good person. But I'm sorry, a good person doesn't say that to people, especially a friend. I think you should tell your other friends what she did. She doesn't deserve friends, especially since she might say the same thing to someone else. You could be saving someone else's feelings.
I don't know the full story, but from what you've told us about Pat, you shouldn't feel bad about being harsh. What she did to you is beyond horrible, it makes me lose faith in humanity. If you are not the type of person who can confront someone in person, then do it over email. You need to cut her completely out of your life, and also affirm your self respect. Don't defend her by saying she's a good person, or protect her from losing friends. Confronting her is a way of letting yourself move on.
I'm so, so sorry you had to deal with that monster. She is not worthy of anyone's friendship if her best advice to someone is to kill themselves. Cut her out of your life, and let your friends know. No person in their right mind would do such a thing to another human being.
