Hi guys, I just broke up yesterday with my girlfriend of a few months, and now a deep fear is settling into me. I feel like I'm throwing away fifteen years of work and effort to get to the point that I got to, only to be throwing it all away (and by the point I got to, I mean denying my homosexuality enough so that I can be with a woman and have a normal life and family). I know that you shouldn't make decisions out of fear or desperation, but this feeling is overwhelming me right now. I feel like what we had was working, even if I wasn't that happy all the time with her. Meanwhile there's this gay guy that I have a huge thing for, but he's in a relationship with another guy. I feel like I can have him if I tell him how I feel, because he likes me too, but my internalized homophobia is yelling at me saying how could you throw away all we've worked for. How could I choose being part of a sexual minority and all the struggles it entails when I had everything laid out in front of me? Please please please help....
This anxiety you're feeling is because you have finally taken a step closer to accepting yourself. I think it's almost normal to be reacting the way you are, especially with all of your internalized homophobia. You've been denying yourself for so long, that as soon as you step out of your comfort zone, you are immediately hit by all of this stress that has built up over time. You didn't choose this. This is who you are. I don't think anyone in their right mind would choose to be part of a minority that has been attacked and persecuted for centuries, and even today. Now, as for this man that you fancy, I don't think professing your feelings for him at this point in time is a good idea. What you need to focus on right now is accepting you. Find out who you are. Only then will you be able to even consider another person. I hope this helps. (*hug*)
Look, its no use if its not built on truth. You are not alone, there are man people who gave up a partnership they knew would not fulfill their hearts. Many experience relief, and a feeling of freedom after some time. All you dream of is possible with a gay partner as well. And sentiment is changing more and more. You might have a look here: Empty Closets - For Parents ->The credible scientific literature Your orientation is not a choice, and gay people have been around in all cultures. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...fo-you-got-ec-helped-you-accept-yourself.html I'd say take the time you need to sort it out... you should think about counseling... and you could have a look at a lgbt center, with courses and activities... looking for support groups... and there might be counseling there... and you can call here: The Trevor Project GLBT National Help Center People are there to listen, support and give advice.
Thank you both, this really helps. I am for the first time in my life trying to accept myself for who I am, and I'm ok with taking time for that right now. It's so hard to clear away the cobwebs of self-doubt and stubbornness that have accrued over the years. As for the guy, I think I may in fact be in love with him, but I suppose if it's meant to be it will happen when it happens. I'll take this time for myself right now. Thanks again.
