threads here that have happy outcomes

Poor thing. It sounds like you're going through a lot. It seems like you're struggling with your sexuality, feel alone and having trouble getting over your crush.

It seems very common for people to fall for their straight best friend. Honestly it makes sense when you think about it. You're hanging around that person because you like them in some way or another. I see people falling for straight best friends as the same way straight friends do. If the feelings aren't neutral, it doesn't really matter and you can't change that.

Now regarding 'come out to him, tell him how you feel'. I do think it's silly to tell your friend that you like them when you know that they are straight. I've gone on record saying this. However based on the language and word choice of this post, it seems like you could really use a friend to talk to. I wouldn't tell him that you have feelings for him but rather come out to him as bisexual. It's true if someone is your friend, they will stick by you regardless of your sexual orientation, socio-economic status, disability, etc. Come out when your ready, but if you need to come out to someone, come out to your best friend. It'll most likely be the easiest if they are genuinely a good friend.

Being gay is normal. It's a common appearance that occurres in hundreds of animal species. Being gay is no different than being left handed. Sure it's not the most common thing in the world but it definitely isn't weird or "not normal". Did you know that left handed conversion used to exist and those people were considered "freaks" and "not normal"? People said they were simply choosing to use their left hand and kids would get punished in school for being left handed. Science eventually lead people to realizing that it was a natural occurrence that got passed down genetically. Being gay or bisexual is no different. Similarly, people may chose to use their right hand even if the left is dominate. That doesn't change the fact that your brain was wired to make you a lefty. The only difference is that you're denying yourself the ability to live your life the way you were designed.

I used to have a crush on someone who I was very close to. She didn't like be back though and I got over it. Turns out that it wasn't that I was in love with her romantically. I was in love with her in the sense that I always wanted to hang out with them. I liked being around her and we had similar interests. I enjoyed her company and that's why I couldn't stop thinking about her.

Getting over someone that doesn't have neutral feelings can be hard. It takes time. What I found that helps is to just live your life and stop obsessing over your obsession with someone. When I kept busy and living my life, I stopped thinking about her.

Last thing: You mentioned that it's almost like this person made you bisexual. Sexuality is a huge spectrum. It is possible that you are hetero-flexible or heterosexual but demi-homosexual on occasion. I hope things go well with you. (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

You see, the thing is, this shouldn't make you angry. Any healthy friendship or relationship can only survive if feelings are reciprocated. If not, there is always an impending sense of resentment, or "what if". Clearly you aren't happy right now with how things are going with him (from a romantic standpoint), and yes there is always a chance that those feelings aren't reciprocated, but let me ask you two things. What if they are? and how is it fair to you to be the only one in the friendship who is unhappy?

You are right. Most of the time feelings aren't reciprocated, but I disagree with the fact that most cases saying those feelings will damage the friendship. If it does, then I think you are very misled on just exactly how good your friendship with this guy is. If it is as good and close as you say it is, chances are he will be flattered and once you move on romantically, you will get exactly the type of platonic friendship you need. These relationships fall apart when people can't get over their feelings and they linger and stay persistent even after the friend has indicated they are not interested. Again, if your friend doesn't accept you, what is that saying about your friendship. It may hurt to lose him, but come on, if you do, you didn't really know him to begin with.

Everyone deserves to be happy and sometimes that involves taking risks. You need to weigh this risk of being yourself and taking a chance at being happy, with the chance of rejection, and the even smaller chance that your friendship is changed forever (for the worse). There is a chance he reciprocates, and a good chance you become better friends. At least from my own experience. There have been a lot of straight guys I have hit on (not even friends) who said they were straight and we became amazing friends after.

I don't think anybody in the world is worth being miserable for, but that's your choice.

 

I feel for you, Bounced.

I've just gone through a similar episode myself. It was someone who didn't catch my eyes at first but as he drew himself close trying to get to know me and gain my attention, I found myself gradually developing feelings for him even though I tried not to. I finally decided that there is no way he likes me as more than a friend (he's a real ladies' man and he's proud of it) and resorted to giving him the cold shoulders and cutting him out of my life when I moved away to save myself a heartbreak. I feel bad now because he probably doesn't even know why I acted the way I did, and I heard he got teary at our mutual close friend's farewell do, but I just had to do what I needed to do for my sanity.

Anyway, stay strong and I hope you will find your other half soon.

 

Bounced:
Man, do I understand! I'm going through exactly the same thing right now. It's like you described me and my friend. It was him who initiated our friendship as well. I'm so confused. Part of me wants to tell him, but I don't want to ruin our awesome friendship over some meager chance at a "relationship". We finish each others sentences, say the exact same thing at the same time, dream about each other, and share the same thoughts. I miss him so much it hurts. I'm almost certain he knows how I feel anyway. He has admitted he feels the connection that we have, but he says it freaks him out. Sometimes when we are alone it's like we walk on eggshells and he almost seems afraid. Sorry I have no useable advice to share...