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struggles

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by whattodoii, Feb 21, 2015.

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  1. whattodoii

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    I've been thinking a lot lately, and I can't seem to stop thinking about my crush. This crush also happens to be one of my friends (we're a group of friends, we're 8 in total(&&&)) and a girl... She's the only one I've told about me questioning my sexuality/being bi/lesbian
    I've had a crush on her, and I've been observing her (which sounds creepy but it really isn't) and I'm like 98% she doesn't like me as anything more than a friend, but still, I feel like I should tell her about her being my crush, maybe she could help me with it? I don't feel like she would push me away, but you never know, I know, but she reacted so well when i came out, I think she might even suspect it (me crushing on her), but that she gives me time to say it myself?? I really don't know what to do.
    :smilewave:icon_redf
     
  2. Wildside

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    is she gay too? if so, piece of cake. if not, proceed more cautiously, but if she is a real friend you might be able to tell her. In that case, I would start out by telling her that I don't want this to creep her out or anything, but just need some help in figuring out how to deal with it. even in a hetero situation, telling someone you have a crush on them is kind of risky, and can make the other person feel uncomfortable enough to change or even end the relationship, unless they feel the same way. some people are mature enough to be flattered by a crush, and not feel threatened. that's what only you can figure out, before you say anything. and of course once it's been said, it can never be unsaid.
     
  3. Geek

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    I think it depends on the person. I have a lot of gay and bisexual friends. A lot of them have come out in the past 4 or 5 years. One of my good friends (straight) said every one of them that came out, had a crush on him. He laughed and found it flattering. I mean obviously he wasn't going to go out with them but it just seemed like a compliment to him. I feel like that's the case with a lot of people. Nothing is going to change, but they'll take it as a compliment.
     
  4. whattodoii

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    welll, when I came out to her, she was reaaally understanding and she said that she had felt like that too, that she might like girls, not guys, but that she now likes a boy... So, she didn't exactly came out, but it is/was really confusing, because we don't really get to talk about it, so I've been really confused/frustrated lately.... :/
     
  5. TheAnon32

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    Hi i understand what your going through as i am going through the same thing with one of my guy friends but one thing you have to remember is that if you focus on one person and trying to figure out if they feel the same way about you, it tears you apart. If it was meant to be it was meant to be. I see it, in both our cases we are both so young and have our lives ahead of us so just live your life and see how things work. It's all up to you but you have to be open minded sometimes and not focus to hard on a crush.
     
  6. whattodoii

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    @TheAnon32 thanks, but I have been trying, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't see me as more than a friend, but today at school, we were walking out of class, and we couldn't get out as a bunch of people blocked our way, and one girl (she's pretty cute) was bending over, and I kinda checked her (butt) out, and then I quickly looked away, because it would be awkward if someone saw that, and I looked at her(my friend/crush) and as we walked away, I noticed that her eyes ALSO lingered on (for a bit to long I think for a 'normal' person) the butt of the pretty cute girl!!!
    I know it means nothing, but I was kinda surprised, though I know I probably shouldn't be.
    But I think I'm okay with her not liking me as more than a friend, because she does like me as a friend, and she's fun and awesome, so she's a pretty awesome friend :slight_smile:
     
  7. lyjo

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    Go together to a party, get drunk, kiss her.
    Okay, that's some very bad advice. Though it would work pretty well...

    Seriously, I've read some of your previous posts, and coming out to her was a great step to take. Well done. Now, she does have a crush on a guy, so... But, she did say she was also confused. You're actually in a pretty good situation, and I don't think telling her would be too bad. Chances are she'll take that as an opportunity to experiment and try figuring out her sexuality. Or she'll just be flattered. She sounds like a great friend and I doubt she'll react badly. It ciuld make things a bit awkward at first, but what would life be like if we don't take risks? It's worth always worth a try. :slight_smile:

    Keep us updated :wink: Sounds like the start of a cute lovestory :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  8. whattodoii

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    @lyjo haha, thanks :slight_smile: The first idea sounds like fun :b but there aren't a lot of parties and stuff, so that sucks: (
    Thanks for reading my previous posts :slight_smile: Well, I'm confused, I don't know about her, she isn't very open in general, and I think it's really hard to know what she's thinking :/
    Yeah, that's what I think aswell, I hope for it and I really don't think it'll be bad, the only thing is when to tell her, if I do...
    Because while messaging may sound like I'm joking, which I don't want, not really and school is waaayyy too crowded and stuff...
    So I think the best is if I'll get her alone at my/her place, preferably without parents, because that's better, I think
     
  9. lyjo

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    Ouch, that's gonna be an awkward conversation to have... (sorry, I should be sugarcoating the whole thing, but I don't do that). Okay, let's imagine she's at your place. You're both sitting on the bed and talking. You start talking about crushes, eventually she'll ask you if you like anyone. So far so good. And if you tell her, don't drag it on and make it awkward. If you just tell her "Well, I have a crush on you, and I've been wanting to tell you." Then ask her if she isn't too awkward about it. It should work fine, as long as you handle the situation well. :slight_smile:

    I'll make a move on my crush at a party next week, so I'm just taking the easy way out. "Sorry, I was drunk" Hehe :grin: You're way braver than me. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  10. whattodoii

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    haha. nah, you shouldn't sugarcoat it :b Yeah, you're right, but how do you think I could do it?? Because I really don't know how/where or something :/
    Your plan sounds so much easier, but keep me updated on how it went!!
     
  11. lyjo

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    Didn't you say you cycle home with her? You could try being funny rather than way too serious and awkward. How about this "Well I guess the trips call for confession. I have to tell you something. I have a crush on you". Then see how she reacts and explain that you just wanted to get that weight off your chest, but don't expect her to like you back. It probably will end up being a serious talk, so try not to give her the impression that you expect anything from her. Just listen to what she has to sat, answer any questions she might ask, and don't get too cheesy :wink: Tell her how you feel and how much a of a good friend and great person she is. Be true, be yourself. Then she'll kiss you and you'll live happily ever after and adopt many children (original ending, no?) :grin:
     
  12. whattodoii

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    Haha, yeah it is :b But uhm, how is she supposed to kiss me while we're biking? I think that would be kinda dangerous :grin:
    Thanks for the idea :slight_smile: I think that's a better idea than mine :b
     
  13. lyjo

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    Pff don't be so negative. People can kiss while biking, I saw it in a movie! :grin: And how romantic would it be if you both fall off your bike and you fall on top of her, whisper "I love you" and kiss her again. (Maybe a few broken ribs, but surely it's worth the romantic scene) :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Please ignore all if the above, I'm a bit hyper right now. :grin:

    Good luck! I really hope it goes well, whatever she says. :grin:
     
  14. whattodoii

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    sure, because movies are the most accurate thing in real life :grin: But the falling part could happen, if only because I'm nervous to tell her :b
    Thanks :slight_smile:

    edit: ugh, I'm messaging with her RN, because we're supposed to be working on something for school, but she doesn't feel that well :/ now I just want to hug her
     
    #14 whattodoii, Feb 23, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2015
  15. lyjo

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    Movies and fairytales, nothing more reliable.
    Wouldn't it be better if you both walk with the bikes rather than actually cycle? I mean, it sounds easier, but do whatever. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    This is gonna be great! And resist the temptation of telling her by text, it's not a great way. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  16. whattodoii

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    Well, it's a 25/30 minute bike ride, so if we were to walk, it would be 'too different' i think? plus it'll take a lot longer, (I'm not complaining though)
     
  17. whattodoii

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    Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, y'all won't believe what just happened!! So, me and my crush were supposed to work on thing presentation thingy for school. (BTW, we've been texting/messaging soo much the last few days, :slight_smile:) So, we both love a tv series and we've joked about shipping two male characters just for fun, and I don't know how it came to this point, but we found some fanfic and we laughed about it so hard, because it was pretty weird, but funny...
    Oh yeah, we worked on our google accounts and I'm one of them, and she's the other one...
    So I don't really know how this thing started, but one moment we were working on the presentation thingy, the next, we're kinda writing our own fanfiction of the two characters... And it felt so f*cking personal and just wow, and it was fun and we've been basically talking dirty (sorry, don't judge me, I'm a teenager) though the characters (at least, that's what it felt like, like I was kinda hiding behind the character, so you can be more open and ridiculous?) for about a F*CKING STUNNING 1,5 HOURS!!!!! AND THE CHARACTER DIDN'T EVEN ACTUALLY HAVE SEX, LIKE HOW THE FUCK COULD THEY NOT!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? But because we've been talking the last couple days, 'till pretty late, she was reeealllly tired and she said she ''couldn't think straight anymore" (I couldn't help but pun it, since we were talking dirty though gay fanfiction writing) and she had to sleep! LIKE I'M SO FRUSTRATED AND FEELING INSECURE AND THIS WAS TOTALLY NOT THE F*CKING PLAN!!! LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN! and she stopped like the second before there was going to be the 'actual action' so, IDK WHAT TO DOOOOO!!!!!! HELP ME WITH THIS!!
     
  18. lyjo

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    How did she end it? Was she embarassed or just realising that you guys actually had to start working?
    Anyway, it all sounds good, maybe you're overthinking this a bit :wink:
     
  19. whattodoii

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    she ended it like: I need to sleep, now, otherwise i'm gonna die of insomnia (sunday and monday night we talked on message 'till about 1:30/1AM, so yeah... But like I said, we're the ones who can stay up late most of the time... But I do get that she was tired, but yeah... I think she got embarassed and was maybe realizing that it's not something all friends do :grin:
    Today, it felt a tad bit awkward, but not really too much, maybe I am overthinking :/
    Just an extra thingy, One of the nights we send lots of gifs to eachother, one of them was one of the character of a tv show, licking his lips, like really weird, so we laughed about it, and she did it at school, and I know it was exaggerated, but still, IDKhowtodescribeit
     
  20. whattodoii

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    byeee
     
    #20 whattodoii, Mar 2, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2015
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