Hello, I am a seventeen year old male and I am currently a junior in highschool! I am a closeted gay who, atm, has no intentions of coming out anytime soon. I live in a healthy stable home with an amazing family. However school is a different story, I have very few people I socialize with even fewer still I would call "friends". I manage but it does get to me sometimes:/. However, there is one person, one person that I probably care about more then anyone else in the world. I will spare you the petty details and for privacies sake call him "Brad". Brad and I go way back to 7th grade. We just enjoy each other. We have the same interest and hobbys and our personality compliment each other. We are the best of friends and I truly, truly care about him. I would be lost and lonely without him. However he is quite different from me in retrospect. For starters he is a straight. He has plenty of friends outside of me and is constantly surrounded by them at school, sporting events, ect. I try to keep up with them, but I'm a very antisocial person(as much as I hate it, I know it's true). It's just not me to do it either. It hurts me to accept it but I know that I'm not as important to him as he is to me. It's gut wrenching and terrible and I wish ever so badly he shared my compassion. If it wasn't obvious yet, I am falling for him. I love him, yet I know it's beyond impossible for it to be mutual. And the more I'm around him, the more my feeling intensify and I hate it. I want to break this but I cant. I just can't. Is hurts me to NOT think about him just as bad as it does to think about him. All my feelings towards him are just a backwards mess of emotions. It takes a toll on me and I go through deep depression periods trying to deal with this. I hate it. I could never bring myself to just make distance because he is the only friend I have. I can't let him go even though it's affecting my mental health. And if I were to explain how I feel for him it could go either way. Most likely to the extremes too, rejection or empathy and I am scared to death of this. I am stuck and don't know where to go. I'm sorry if this rushed but I'm just very emotional and just kinda venting. But this really is a pressing issue that is affecting my life and health. And I am clueless how to fix it without making sacfrices that I don't feel I can handle. I need help:icon_redf:icon_redf
First, I wanna say don't beat yourself too hard my friend, you're not the only person to fall for their straight best friend, in the end the heart wants what the heart wants, we can't choose who we fall in love with. Seeing that I don't know Brad, i can't tell u whether or not u should tell him, u need to make your own assessment of how u think Brad might react if u do tell him about your feelings, but I can give u some points to consider: 1) Be sure about your feelings for him, are they romantic? brotherly? crush? ...etc 2) Try to find out how he views gay people if you don't already know. Like if your watching a movie, show or news story that features a gay person, u can look at him and say "what do u think Brad?" or "what would u do?". Or u can just ask him how he feels about the LGBT community straight forward. 3) If u decide to tell him, don't tell him that u r gay and have feelings for him all at the same time as it might be a little overwhelming for him, tell him that you r gay 1st and wait for a short while to tell him about your feelings for him. 4) Remember that once you tell him u can never "untell" him, so make your decision wisely.
