I am gay and I have this crush on one of my friends from school. I have asked him before of he was gay or not and he said he wasn't. I have had this crush on him for 3 1/2 to 4 years now and it will not go away even though I know it will not work out. I think that I still have a crush on him is because he acts so gay. He is flamboyant, and when I first met him, I thought for sure he was gay. He also never even speaks of his girlfriends and he rarely spends time with them. I haven't told him that I'm gay yet, though I suspect he knows. The only person I have told is his best friend and a good friend of mine. I don't think she has told anyone, yet I'm never sure. I do think almost the whole school knows that I'm gay because of how I act though. I plan on coming out soon though because some of my other friends are moving to Texas next month and I want them to know since we were good friends since childhood. I have tried to have crushes on others besides him and they usually last for a week and then fade away and I go rushing back to having a crush on him. I want to tell him I have a crush on him because I feel like once he rejects me, I will finally get over him. We aren't great friends as it is, but I do see him a lot during the day so I want to try to maintain a good friendship with him. I also want to maintain a good friendship with him because he is one of the nice popular kids at my school. I am struggling with this almost every night and I need to get over him soon because I am often kept up at night thinking of him and what he would say if I told him. Should I tell him I'm gay before I tell others? Should I tell him I have a crush on him? Please help.
Him telling you he is not gay should be about equivalent to a rejection. Even if you confess your love to him, thats probably not going to change the fact that he is (at least for the time being) straight. Acting flamboyantly really isn't enough to set off my gaydar so I think you should already start to move on. You could tell him you are gay if it's something you want to do, but I don't think that is gonna make him run to you. Never know, but I would consider moving on and finding someone who can reciprocate your feelings.
My advice would be to not tell him you have a crush on him. You tested the waters by asking if he was gay and it sounds like he didn't give you any signs to indicate that he wants that conversation to go any further and I think you should respect that. You say that you are in school with him and see him frequently--this is presumably a position that you will be in for quite some time--if he feels pushed beyond what he's comfortable with he could make your life pretty miserable in new and awful ways. I have no doubt that this major crush is really uncomfortable to keep to yourself, but you are in kind of a vulnerable position and it sounds like he's not giving you "yes" kinds of vibes. With all of that said, you know your situation much better than I do, and I think it's always important to listen to and respect your gut. If my anxious ramblings aren't resonating for you, then pay attention to that too. edited to add: I'm not at all commenting on you coming out, just the part of confessing your crush!
I really get you. I've a crush on a really good friend of mine, whom I see every school-day and I message a lot with her aswell. You could say we're pretty close. I came out to her in january and I've had a crush on her for about 5 months... But when I came out to her as gay/bi/questioning, she told me she thought she only liked girls aswell, but that she now had a crush on a boy...So that left me very confused, still am :/ I don't want to get my hopes up and I don't think she sees me as more than a friend, so yeah sucks, but I'm 1. not sure and 2. I feeeel like I should tell her, an urge to do it, even if she says she doesn't like me as more than a friend, because I'm already expecting it... So I've been struggling a lot, but how do you think he would react to you 1. coming out and 2. telling him you have a crush on him?? You could also check out my thread, because I got some advise there aswell
I thank you all for your advice. What I'm gathering is that I shouldn't tell him. What I think I'll do is once I tell him that I am gay see how he responds to that and see where the situation goes from there. I really just wish that this crush will go away, but even if it does, there's no one at my school that is openly gay so if I got a new crush then it wouldn't really even help. Sometimes I hate how religious my city is and wish that it would be more accepting of gays so that maybe guys would come out during high school.:icon_sad:
Well, this is what I would do (and did actually) If you are going anywhere for like a weekend e.g. to the beach, Six Flags etc. and invite him to go with you. If he says yes, see if you can share a room with him and see how he acts around you (is he comfortable around you stripping off? or something else like that). Also say that you are really good at massages and give him a massage (if he allows you) and see how he reacts. That may give you some clues to your questions and if he is gay/bi. Well this is what I did to my best friend (who I adore) and now I'm pretty sure he likes me back. ^If you can't do what I said above, really it's up to you whether you feel you should tell him.
I don't know if this helps but, I always thought that, once I tell my crush that I had a crush on him, it would disappear, because I was almost sure that he wasn't interested but there's always that slight spark of hope. So I told him, and he made me understand that he really wasn't interested, so now I'm moving on just fine.
There are 2 openly bi girls at my school that I know of. I'm friends with one of them, but I don't really like to hang around her because she is so perverted. I also haven't seen her once this school year because she is in regular classes and I'm in honors. ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2015 at 11:27 PM ---------- I am not planning on doing anything like that anytime soon mostly because its been below zero every day this week and I have a pretty busy schedule, but I play soccer and he is in cross country and we are planning to start running together so I can try and see how he reacts to changing in front of him from my school clothes into my running clothes and things like that, but I feel like he wouldn't care regardless of him being gay or straight because he that type of guy. In fact his other best friend is almost definitely a gay still in the closet. Him and his bestfriend are always doing something of that sort like saying I love you to each other, or joking about sex so I am not sure how much it would help. I could still give it a try regardless of that. ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2015 at 11:29 PM ---------- That's exactly my reasoning, but since I'm going to be spending a lot of time with him soon, I'm not sure anymore of telling him. I still want to tell him, but I'm not sure how or when anymore. ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2015 at 11:33 PM ---------- The problem that keeps my still coming back to liking him is the fact that he could be trying to hide it. I think of this because I have had at least 30 people ask if I was gay or not and everytime I said no. In fact I'm still telling people that I'm straight and I probably will until I fully come out. That's the only reason why I feel like telling him is the only way for me to get over him.
