Hey everyone! About two months ago I came out to one of my friends. This would be the first time I've ever uttered I'm gay out loud. It went a little like, "So, uh, I'm gay. Like super gay, like lesbians and rainbows and-" He was super supportive and since then we've gotten really close; I come to him with all my girl problems and he gives me advice. Everything was going great until these last two weeks. Both of us were single on Valentine's Day and didn't have plans so we went to a movie and had dinner. I made this joke about how we're secretly dating since 98% of our mutual friends think I'm straight and that we're too close to be friends. He laughed. (I've told him multiple times that I will never date or have a relationship with someone who isn't female.) Since then we've had this running joke of... Him: We're dating. Me: Nope. Him: Are you breaking up with me? Me: Nope. Him: Why not? Me: I can't break up with you if we're not dating. This weekend is when things got weird and complicated. I went on a date with a girl Friday night while he was out of town and when he got back, he asked me about my weekend. (I'm a terrible liar & he knew what was up immediately.) I thought he was going to be supportive but when I saw him at our practice in the evening, he announces that he's mad and me and starts telling people that I'm a bad person. He kept getting really close to outing me to everyone and then when I confronted him, he acted like I was over-reacting. (When I talked to him again, he said that I couldn't be mad since I was the one who cheated on him.) Now he's all over social media singing praises of the people I don't like and that he knows will upset me & he's ignoring my messages. I've told him I was sorry. And I've asked him to tell me what's wrong. But nothing. Maybe I'm freaking out over nothing. Maybe I'm crazy or a bad person. I don't know. Does anyone have any suggestions or insight on what I can/should do to fix the situation?
Obvisously he really really likes you. Even though you told him multiple times that you would never be in a relationship with a guy his feelings for you took over. How old is he? Tell him you are very sorry that you didnt mean to mislead him and you value his friendship. Maybe after a few days he would be willing to meet up with you so you two can talk about this. After some time passes maybe you could introduce him to one of your single straight friends. Its just a thought. You are not a bad person and you didnt do anything wrong at all. He just isnt handling it well and thats his problem. All you can do is let him know how you feel and thats it. Then the ball is in his court. He might choose to end the friendship but there is nothing you can do about that. He cant prove that you told him your gay. Play it off like " geese, I cant believe he said, but whatever if it makes him feel better than fine". I wouldnt say or do anything else much than that...play it cool.
Thanks for the advice! He's twenty-seven. Okay, I shall try to play it cool and apologize again tomorrow after he's had a little more time to process. I just hope that everything works out. :icon_sad: We share a group of friends and are on the same sports team so if it continues like this then life's going to be awkward.
The books of life says that not only homosexuals fall for their straight friends. Sometimes, heterosexuals also fall for their homosexual friends. Yeah, he has a crush on you. If you don't want to end your friendship with him, you could consider backing up a bit and perhaps introducing him to someone else (who is also single). Give it a month or two and he should be back to his old self. On the other note, have you considered coming out to your other fiends? It is possible that their reactions to your friendship is affecting him in an unexpected way.
You're right, its very probable that he's developed more intense feelings because of our friends reaction to our friendship. I wish it were possible for me to tell them that I'm gay but due to personal/career reasons I will have to wait at least another year. We don't really have a choice about seeing each other in person. Do you think that if I distance myself contact wise and don't talk to him about girls that he'll eventually calm down and decide not to out me/be unpleasant?
