I'm a new poster, just registered a few minutes ago, and this is gonna be a long one so bear with me. Definitely also has some adult content so any readers under 18, probably shouldn't read further. And sorry to the moderators of this forum if you gotta sensor any of this stuff, my life is very R rated. I'll start off with some background info about me and my friend. I identify as bisexual, with an affinity towards men. I am mostly straight acting, and most people I have came across assume that I am straight. It definitely flatters me no lie, but they couldn't be more wrong. Majority of my homies are gangbangers or gang related, I aint gang affiliated but thats what I grew up around so thats what I know. I'm also a Goth.. an unlikely mix with the street life, most people say, but I'm the kinda Goth that looks gang related and considerably dangerous, though I'm a lover at heart am rationally glass half-full kinda guy.. I've also been a drug addict since I was 14 and I'm now 23, also another story on its own (and it NO WAY am I saying that Goths should be drug addicts or do drugs... drugs are bad). And lastly along with my sharp gaydar, I also have the uncanny ability (and sometimes curse) to turn out straight men. Not sure what it is about me whether its a concoction of the excessive drinking and drug use or maybe I have a type of straight guy charm, but most straight guys I gotten close with have experimented with me or at the least, questioned their sexuality after hangin out with me for too long. I met my friend in Spring of 2013, so about 2 years ago now. He was a new addition to the krew of homies that I was already kickin it with, and I still remember almost perfectly the night that I met him. My homie was having a lil party at his pad and my friend, goes by Dozer, was invited by another one of my homies who was gonna kick it for the night. We were high off some quality MJ, drinkin brews and just having fun. My homie Dozer pulls thru and the minute I seen him it was like chemistry immediately kicked in. We kinda locked eye contact for longer than usual and the way he looked at me ticked my gaydar off. He complimented my style a few times, was talkative with me, and kept takin glances at me too, didnt even care if I caught him in the act he'd still stare back. Anyway the night went on and after the consumption of multiple illegal substances I didnt realize he left and that was it. That was what began a friendship with him. He became part of my krew, he was the homie. We partied together, shared drugs, and all my homies noticed that he was closer to me than the rest of them. Even started to call him my boyfriend (my homies, including Dozer, knew about my sexual preferences, I dont tell the world but I dont hide it much either), and it was a laugh but low key hearing that made me fantasize about him actually being my man. At the time however, he had a girlfriend and even had a kid with her. So I kept my distance and only put in as much effort as he did. At the time I only had a part time job and part time school so some mornings I'd be off. He worked but off and on, whenever his agency had work for him. His lady worked full time including weekend nights. Most mornings he would text me, and at the time I didn't drive so he would actually walk 20 min from his house to mines just to kick it. We'd smoke some bud, chat, and I really enjoyed his company. It became a regular thing aside from kickin it later in the evenings with the rest of our homies, and every weekend it was a party. Flash forward to the night I had been waiting for. He was having some trouble with his lady (they were an off and on sorta thing) and wanted to kick it. It was a sunday night. He pulled through and I bought us some brew. We drank outside my pad in his car, and then we decided to take some shrooms. We talked, laughed, listened to music, shared eye contact, and then he felt like sharing. He told me he had let his homie give him a blowjob before. I was pretty flabbergasted cuz it was outta nowhere and when I usually had something witty to say this time I didn't. I dont remember saying anything with much substance, but then I noticed he started rolling the windows up and putting up the windshield covers. I reached out and caressed his leg. He pulled my hand up to his crotch and I could feel he was horny. I unzipped him, he helped me, and I serviced him, and though he wasn't very active or verbal he stood hard and didn't need to help himself to finish. I finished him off myself, he relaxed for a lil bit, I asked him if he was still trippin and he said the shrooms never hit him, which surprised me cause they were pretty strong but I took significantly more than he did. But what that told me was that he was sober (to us, being drunk is just being drunk) so he definitely knew what he was doing. I didn't even need to drug him. (If you're still reading this, thanks, I know its long but a lot has happened over the span of 2 years.) Even after the sexual event, we kicked it just the same, I texted him the next morning, asked him if we were coo, and he was normal. But it was a taboo subject. I brought it up once to see what he remembered of it, but it seemed like it was hard for him to talk about. And while we still shared a bromance, nothing much occurred. On another occasion, it was my homies birthday party. So of course, it was a party at his house. We took some ecstasy, washed it down with a few cases of brew, and before I knew it the night was pretty much over. Everyone had left, it was down to my krew. And then Dozer and the homie Slim wanted to dip out, but I was still lit and wanted to stay longer so they left. I get a text from Dozer sayin he was home but was kinda bummed I stood cuz he wanted to sleep over at my pad. I was pissed at myself. And that was the end of that night. Our friendship was still coo but then I met a guy, and my reasoning was that he still had ties with his girl and I was kinda just on the side for him, and I was lonely, so I started spending more time with my man at the time, I'll call him Seb.. and he kinda distracted me from my street life.. and my krew. And then two of my homies got locked up in state prison, the homegirl Smokey got involved romantically with her lady, the homie Lagz moved and Dozer wasn't too fond of my new boy toy and would get pretty jealous if I was just kickin it with Seb or when I would bring him around, so we had kinda a falling out about that.. and so did the krew. To this day the krew never got back together. My relationship with Seb got pretty serious and I moved in with him, and me and Dozer still texted but after a while Seb didnt want me kickin it with him no more (I guess he kinda started sensing that Dozer had a thing for me) and eventually I couldnt even text Dozer. So it went like this for about a lil more than a year I'd say. We would text occassionally, I seen him probably like a handful of times, but we didn't party together anymore. Throughout this time Dozer changed his number several times and each time he was able to make sure he told me, and I would save his number. Things with Seb got pretty rocky about 4 months ago. We were always arguing, he kicked me outta the house several times (I dont blame him, I was a drug addict and he was totally against the habits, which is GOOD), and it just got worse. We eventually started cheating on each other and last year in mid-December I decided I needed a night out, and I hit up Dozer and we grabbed some brews, took some x and just spent time together, after a long time and just like old times. We rekindled our bromance and I could feel him taking glances at me, although this time I didn't entertain it cuz I was still kinda involved with Seb and I thought it was just the Molly that had him all horny, and eventually the night was over, I took him home and went back to my man. Dozer hit me up a few times that week but then I was back to obeying Sebs rules and blocked his number. And then we broke up. Of course, needed someone to distract me and accompany my drug habits, I hit up Dozer. We drank, smoked a lil bit, talked about work, his baby mama (who's now his ex so he's single and ready to mingle) and all the girls he was flirting with (which is something he loves to promote to me and the homies), girls in general, dating and relationships, and my break up with Seb, other random shit. We eventually get bored and decide to hit up our drug dealer for some ecstasy. We take a few on the way home and chill outside my parents house in my car. He seemed very relaxed, I was the one stealing glances at him this time, and he was mostly kickin back closing his eyes, enjoying his high, and he caught me once and I just nodded and smirked. And then sadly his mom called for him to go home, but only because he borrowed her car. So he left and I was there by myself for a bit, and decided to text him saying that I wished I had just went to go pick him up that way he didnt have to borrow his moms car and he coulda kicked it longer. He responded and apologized that he lagged it, saying his phone was on silent and didnt seem like he was ready to knock out yet so I asked him if he wanted me to go pick him up. He said he was down and I asked for his address (he moved back in with his moms) and instead he responded asking if I down to suck his dick, he even started the question out by saying, "with all due respect...", I thought that was pretty cute. I said hell yeah and rushed over (DO NOT DRIVE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF PSYCHEDELICS AND OTHER ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES), got to his house, parked, and waited for him to come out. We drove a few blocks away to a coo lil spot I know of where people always go to do drugs and have sex. I parked, and like an excited lil school girl slut I reached over and grabbed his crotch but he told me to hold up, that he wasnt horny yet, and then decided it was better that he could sneak me in to his moms. So I drove back and we walked into his room. We got comfortable but kept our clothes on. He laid back, and he wanted to get his dick hard first and watch some porn but I told him I didn't care and that it was coo so he whipped it out and I tried but he needed some time, I guess. He watched his porn and was able to get it up after several minutes, but after that he stood rock hard and enjoying it. He humped my face a few times, moaned, cussed outta pleasure, all while watching porn. Dunno if he ever glanced down at me but he probably did. I got him to finish again no hands and I even caught it all down my throat... again of course (ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX). I couldnt stop admiring his piece... even threw in a couple compliments on it. After he finished, we laid in bed for a bit no contact (althought considerably close) and then that was it. We decided to call it a night, bumped fists before I walked out and that was it. That was about 28 hours ago, so sunday night-monday morning. Its tuesday now. Havent heard from him since, but I figure its cuz he had work that morning and probably knocked out when he got home. I'm sure I'll hear from him eventually but until then I'll be waiting for a text or call all dumb girl over him. He made plans with me this weekend to go raving just me and him and get us a room for after the rave, and I know I'm his only connection to a reliable drug dealer, so I know I will hear from him eventually, I just wish I had talked to him already. I'm a lil anxious. Should I ask him if we could make it a regular thing? He definitely knows I have a crush on him, considering all the free drugs and favors, shoulders, life stores, and time that we shared. And I'm pretty sure I know the answers to this question (I've already talked bout it with my girls, they agree he likes me but hes unsure of what to do cuz I'm the second guy [to my knowledge] that he's had sexual relations with and he's definitely not out and definitely doesnt want anyone to know, and has also told me the night of our first sexual encounter moments before the event, that hes only into girls romantically but can enjoy the pleasure of another guy) but I guess I have to hear it from other random people who dont really care to flatter or tell me what I wanna hear. But is he into me? And what should I do? I'd love a relationship with him even if it was lowkey but honestly just being his homie with benefits is fine with me, I know hes not the only guy out there I can get cuz for some reason guys love me. But my heart gets all warm just thinking about him. anyway if youre still reading this, congratulations you got through it. I really appreciate your time and especially a dedicated response. Thanks, maybe I'll talk to you soon.
