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Relationship help! New here :/

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by benzie1984, Feb 25, 2015.

  1. benzie1984

    Regular Member

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    :icon_sad:Hi All,

    I'm new here, and really don't know where to turn to get some unbias feedback. I'm a 30 y/o gay male, and have most of my life together. I have a good job, house, family, and values. I recently ended a five year relationship with my ex partner that was 24. I ended it mainly because of trust issues. About three years ago, I caught him having a vulgar chat on Facebook with some kid. It was really raunchy and when I read it, it made me feel like someone punched me in the stomach. When confronted, he promised he'd never do anything and he only wanted me. I gave him another chance. Then, shortly after, I found out he had sex with his ex not once but about five times. Ever since then, he kept saying he wouldn't do it and he was so sorry and I could trust him. But I continued to catch him in lies, and on sites like ******. So, after five years, I decided to end it due to various other issues on top of the while lying and cheating. Now, he's come back begging for me saying he's sorry. He said I can trust him and he's going to work on himself. Only to find him on ****** having raunchy chat just two days ago!!! I don't understand this?? Someone that loves me so much is doing this to me. I've even offered to bring a third person into the relationship and he said no. He only wants me.

    So I guess my question is why is this happening? What are my options? And is this going to happen to me no matter what? It seems like so many gay guys or guys in general are like this. Is this what I have to look forward to if I want to have a partner? Is there hope for a healthy relationship in my future :/
     
  2. Bella B

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    If he has cheated on you so many times, then he does not love you. It's hard to hear, but if someones loves you, they not only WANT only you, but they actually make that effort to be committed. You are such a good person for forgiving him all of these times and trying to make this work, and there will most definitely be an amazing guy who loves you so much more than this man. You shouldn't have to put up with someone who doesn't love you!! Good luck!!
     
  3. turtlemom

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    I am a straight female. It doesnt matter if its a gay or straight relationship this guy has issues and is not ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone. It isnt healthy for you to keep taking this person back. Break the cycle you are in...take a stand for yourself and end it. To answer your question...(why is this happening) its happening only because you allow it...just end it. There are women and men both that act the way he does. But there are also many men and women that dont act that way. Dont put up with it for one more second...you will feel better about yourself once you end it for good. Yes, you will feel sad because you have had feelings for him but its a life lesson many of us have been through.
     
  4. MrBrightside

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    I dont have any long term relationship experience, but i would say you need to move on. Theres a difference between desiring someone and loving them, and if you love someone you cant hurt them that many times.

    My current guy cheated on me last weekend but i, like u, took him back. Difference being if he does it again its over, your man has had far too many chances.

    Never ever let one, two or ten bad experiences make u lose hope that there is a perfect guy out there. Trust me there is :slight_smile:
     
  5. benzie1984

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    Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to respond to me here. You are all so right, and it just hurts but I have to accept that this is reality and move on. I feel that sometimes we don't want to admit to ourselves what is truly BEST for us. Today, I just told him we have to move on and I didn't want to keep communicating. He's a bit of a manipulator it seems, and always tells me what I want to hear to play with my feelings so I take him back. Then, it goes right back to the way it was. So, with a little support and strength, I've decided it is time to END this. I feel he isn't ready to be with anyone as said above. I told him try and get some help so he doesn't do this to someone else. No one deserves it!

    Your positive words are very helpful during this tough time. Thank you all!