So I've been using an app to talk to guys (older guys specifically) and it seems more.. erotic, talking to them and whatnot, but much less erotic when it comes to "lets meet up" or "I wanna give you a bj" or something like that. Don't get me wrong, the guys I'm talking to are good looking, but something feels wrong, like gut-wrong (if you know what I mean). Thoughts?
If it feels wrong in your gut, then it's probably wrong for you. I hooked up with one guy who I thought I'd get along with. We are great friends, but the physical spark just isn't there. It felt wrong, just like you're describing.
It sounds like you're saying the thought of being with a guy feels wrong to you, but you're unsure how? Generally that would just be all that ingrained stuff from society. You get taught being gay is bad, and it sticks with you, but you'll soon learn that's actually just a load of nonsense.
Maybe you're subconsciously intimidated by the direct suggestion of sexual activity. Or maybe you feel that "they only want sex" and you're looking for something more than that. Trust your intuition, this is one of the things I learned in the past few years and it has served me well so far.
Just say no. Until it feels right. Sometimes its just about being comfortable with someone. It doesn't always mean something significant or relate to self-identification. Or maybe you just have a type. ??? Possible. Don't look too deep into it, especially if these are just people you've just met. Just go with what feels right.
My suspicion is that your unconscious and conscious are fighting. In other words... exploring the idea of being with a guy is safe and great... as long as you don't actually have to do it. Once you commit to meeting up, and actually doing something... all the sudden, it's real. And given what you've said before, I suspect that actually making it real is really terrifying. I agree and disagree with the others: I don't agree that it necessarily isn't right for you; the fact you're flirting and talking and find that arousing and erotic says there's definitely attraction there. I also agree that there's no rush and you can take your time to decide if/when. But if you find that it's always arousing talking, almost certainly there's a psychological block, associated with actually acting on your feelings. If that's true, then you may, at some point, simply have to take a leap... go into the fear... and give it a shot. You also get to choose whether you do that with someone you meet on a hookup app just for the sake of the sex... or whether you do that with someone you've found, that you're getting to know, that you want to develop a connection with and then decide when/if to have sex.
