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Am I about to lose everything?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by The Falcon, Feb 28, 2015.

  1. The Falcon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2015
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I finally come to terms with my homosexuality or bisexuality, or whatever it is... But there is this girl! She likes me a lot. She listens to me and cares for me, and it is always there for me. She is the perfect human being. I truly love her. Couple of times we came to talk about gays and bisexuals and stuff like that, and once she said she was disgusted by that. But today she saw the Imitation Game and she was crying and she came to me to tell me how much it moved her.

    And I looked at those beautiful eyes and couldn't bear to lie to her. But I only know her for couple of months and I can't tell her, I am barely out to my closest. Plus I still have stuff to figure out for myself.

    I don't need advice for her in particular. But for people in general. I am very respected in my community, I've always been known to be ethical, thoughtful, clever, opinionated, altruistic, caring for other people. And once everybody find out my deep dark secret, people will be disgusted by me and I'll be rejected.

    There is also this professor at my university. He adores me. He said I am the best pupil he ever had, that he is proud of me, and he sees that I am becoming a man, and he is even like a father figure to me. But during his classes he has said that he hates everything LGBT-related, he even had a dispute with Judith Butler over the topic.

    What will happen to all this people if they find the truth!? And what freaking truth, I am extremely asexual in nature, I am not sure which path I'd like to pursue, I want to explore, but I want to be supported while doing that...

    Have you lost everything, your social standing and reputation over this?
     
  2. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
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    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't know if it was your intention, but the wording of this quote from your posting implies that you will certainly be rejected for being bisexual or gay and that really isn't the case at all. Obviously, I cannot guarantee that nobody will react badly if/when you tell them, but it's my experience (and the experience of many other bi/gay people) that people are far more accepting and tolerant than you might imagine and overall you stand to gain far more than you will lose. It's also the case that some people make critical remarks when they don't know someone who is bi or gay, but change their opinion when they realise that a much loved or respected friend or relative is in fact a member of the LGBT community.

    All of your personal qualities remain after coming out - you are no less ethical, thoughtful, clever, opinionated, altruistic.... all of these things remain. Indeed, the process of coming out can even enhance and build your character in the most positive way and bring you a huge amount of respect from your peers.

    For me personally, I lost a little, but I gained the world when I came out. I can say with all honesty and certainty that it was one of the best decisions I ever made.