So guys I just want to rant. It's such a pain sometimes, I have been in a few relationships and I am in one I know is the one... we live in a foreign country (I am the expat), we have a business together and we have had a rough patch or two. But we finally got engaged in November. We have had some problems in the past, pretty much we split because of me and he hooked up with someone else, the usual, trust issues, etc. We made it work. It was worth it and we have been so happy. My life has been splendid honestly. Up until a few days ago. One of his friends from some time ago applied to a job posting I put up at my cafe. So my boyfriend suggested I give him an interview. I hired him (because I am an idiot). Fast forward and basically my bf has a thing for the guy. He says he doesn't but I just get the impression, the way they talk, the way he talks about him. My bf goes out of his way never to be alone in the cafe with him or give me any reason to suspect but even just reading the way he textes I just get the impression. I know my bf well and I know when he changes his tone with someone. I told him that and he told me to fire the guy. I didn't. A few days later I suggested I didn't like the way things were playing out and we fought. He told me I am paranoid and ridiculous, etc. Then we got into a heated argument and he told me he didn't want to get married and took his ring off. Since then he has not let me out of his sight, he has been crying, etc. But we just keep fighting. He just keeps defending the situation and says I shouldnt fire the guy and I am paranoid etc. I feel like I don't care, if he accused me of it, and it was a new employee then I would just let him go. Legally where we live you can fire people for any reason within 90 days. The other guy even knows he is causing an issue and texted my bf and asked if he was going to be allowed to work still and my bf just replied yes, this isn't your fault. He just keeps defending and at whatever cost keeping the other guy around. I might just be jealous but he has given me reasons to not trust him in the past and I feel like he should get rid of the other guy and thats that. But instead we are pretty much destorying our relationship over it. It just feels so idiotic but at the same time ...e it just happens. Any input on this? Yeah I am sure some flaming will come but hey, life is complicated and relationships are messy.
On the face of it, this sounds like a ridiculous reason to break off an engagement. Then again, you mention him giving you "reasons to not trust him in the past", so it sounds like there are some deeper issue of trust in the relationship. Or are you just too insecure to be in a relationship at all? It's difficult to tell from your post. It's not forbidden to enjoy the company of others when you're in a relationship, as long as he's not being conspicuously flirtatious, or doing things behind your back.
Your post is a little confusing, but if I'm reading this correctly (and it's not a typo), you say that you split up because of you and while separated he hooked up with another guy. Which is totally his right if you were no longer together. Then you got back together and some time passed and then you hired this friend of his, who you are convinced your BF has a thing for, even though he apparently hasn't done anything to warrant this belief other than (in your mind) changing his tone with this person. Finally, he apparently told you to fire this guy and you decided not to (why not if you were concerned enough to bring it up with your BF in the first place?) but now you say he doesn't want you to even though it's your business. All of this together raises questions in my mind, such as: 1) Why did you split before and why do you say it was 'because of you'? What were you doing that made it 'because of you'? 2) Why did you decide not to fire the guy when your BF said you should, but now suddenly the roles have reversed on this? 3) Is this sort of thing the first time this has ever happened between the two of you or only the latest occurrence? What reasons has he given you to not trust him in the past? 4) What evidence do you have that your BF has 'a thing' for this guy? That you 'get an impression' tends to make me think this is more your issue (as in possibly more in your head than anywhere else, and possibly not the first time) than his, but as mentioned above I'm also not feeling we are getting the complete picture here. At this point, things seem a bit muddy (or maybe it's just some typos making it seem you are saying something other than what you mean to say). Can you provide some clarification on the points above, please? Todd
