Recently in school and in my daily life I had to deal with so much inner sadness; sadness that when I step back and look at seems so stupid and pointless, but still there none the less. All this started when me and a boy named Nick started talking in class; at first I thought nothing of it, just enjoying talking to a guy which for me is a big thing, since I have basically no male friends, but a lot(atleast 20)of close female friends that I love spending time with and it was great, well until I relised I liked him. After this it all changed; I started getting tongue tied, nervous about what to say, and doing the best to let him know I liked him without shouting out at the top of my lungs "I have a gay crush on you!!!".The reason I preceded to act this way is because even before I ever started to talk to him I thought he was gay in the way he acted and carried himself and ever since then I have been somewhat of an emotional reck with constant ups and downs. This was a while ago and since then I have had days of bliss spending time with him and others have been depressing with me feeling as if he is giving me the cold shoulder and this just tears me up inside because right when I start to get over him I am right back to falling head over hills for him. He feels me with so much warmth and me being in the closet with a homophonic father and other family members I really have not allowed myself to feel love for a person of the same sex in that way, but with him it's different, with him I feel he is the one for me and that we have so much incommon that it is a sign from god that he is my true love and some might think it is probably because he is hot, but he is normal and a bit fat, but what makes him hot and me love him is his personality and how I feel around him, the burning warmth in me that has replaced the coldness in my heart and I would love to open up to him and tell him how I feel and have him return it with equal glee, but sadley this is only a dream concocted in the head of a sad and lonely boy. what I need help with is what I should do because I have tried to ignore the feelings and him and just enjoy time spent with friend not letting the sadness rear its ugly little head and this worked, but only for a short period of time and I was back to emotional strain. I know I sound pathetic and like a crazy loser, but any help or advise would help.
You're not pathetic or a crazy loser. We've all been through what you're going through. Everyone has crushes, especially during high school. I found a few solutions during high school: 1) Recognize and accept that they are not gay. You can't date a straight guy, and it makes no sense to try to date him. This usually helped me stop thinking about a guy during high school. 2) Stop seeing them. When you stop seeing a crush, they'll slip out of your mind and you won't even remember your feelings for them. This is hard in high school, but once you don't see them anymore, it's really easy to forget about them. If you're friends, I just suggest that you understand that he's straight and that you can't change that. Enjoy the friendship that you have. You're not crazy. Crushes are impossible to deal with, and they're very frustrating. Dont' worry. (*hug*) A solution will manifest itself sooner or later.
