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My family just sent me this T shirt

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by avalokitesvara, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. avalokitesvara

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    I came out to my family like 4 months ago. They are very conservative. My mom said lots of ugly and hurtful things but I let it pass. We haven't spoken for 5 months since then.

    So for my birthday last week, I just received this "passive aggressive" T shirt as my present.

    [​IMG]

    I'm not sure how to respond to this. They still think being gay is a choice. I don't know how to instill some sense into them!

    Any idea how to actually convince conservative people that being gay is definitely not a choice?

    I mean should I even try to make them understand? After I came out, I was called a "moral cancer" to society, a venomous animal, that I should've died as a baby etc. etc. I'm quite fed up to be honest.

    PS: BTW I thought I should send them this T shirt: I love fabulous gay son tee shirt | Zazzle :icon_wink
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    That's incredibly offensive as a birthday present.

    Depending on how much you want to escalate, one solution is to think of a clever phrase to add on to the shirt (something like "Rocky Road or Mint Chip", though I'm sure others here could do better). And then post a pic of you wearing it prominently in your FB or other profile they regularly see. Personally, I love the idea of fucking with judgmental people that way.

    I do also like the idea of sending them the shirt you found. And finally, there's always the option of emailing them and telling them, in no uncertain terms, to cut with the bullshit, and if they can't be supportive, to not bother communicating.
     
  3. Van

    Van
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    This!

    I really think you don't need such people in your life (even if they are family). If they can't love you for who you are, then they should not be in your life.

    P.S. The t-shirt you want to send them is AWESOME! I would love to see their faces when they see it. :grin:
     
  4. mav96213

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    Really sorry to what you're going through with your family. And yes, the t-shirt was not only insulting and offensive, it was a very immature thing to do. I don't understand what they thought would accomplished by this, clearly NOT unconditional love on their part. The sad thing is, even if they don't agree with you, you are their son AND you're an adult. It's your life and they should respect that. It's hard for me to understand how a parent, who is suppose to love their children, can allow a difference of opinion to destroy their relationship. Not only are they not displaying unconditional love, they aren't even showing RESPECT.

    Not sure what to tell you on responding. Anything you do will escalate things. I'd be more inclined to suggest taking the "high road" and ignore them (which I know isn't always easy to do), don't participate in their childish game. You did the admirable thing... you shared with them who you are, now it's their choice whether or not they wish to be part of your life. Don't allow your relationship with them to be on "their terms", you are not a kid living under their roof anymore.
     
  5. Clay

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    This.

    There's literally no reason to keep people in your life like that.
     
  6. EDMJunkie

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    I wish I could purchase that shirt for you, should you go with the option of sending them it(or a whole bunch :lol: ). Nobody should have to go through being ostracized and hurt by their family like that.

    Or you could send the shirt back, with a note or something attached, saying that they have a choice: Accept and support you, or to not bother talking to you.
     
  7. Lazuri

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    I think I like this solution the best. Turn their own bullshit on themselves.
     
  8. danball7

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    I think you should send the new shirt with a photo of you wearing the edited t-shirt. I'd go with toffee or butterscotch, or something just as similarly paired.
     
  9. wasgij

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    You need to take ownership of that t-shirt. It's begging to be modified with some water-proof paint :badgrin:

    "You always have a choice.."
    -to bludgeon your blood relations
    -to remove people from your will
    -to put cyanide in mum's tea
    -to spread the Word that Jesus was gay

    add your own
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    Check out the Stonewall charity website and buy one of their t shirts in response. Some people are gay.. get over it.
     
  11. wasgij

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    I'm still trying to think of one that's really short and snappy...

    You always have a choice -- from my Ex-family

    ---------- Post added 5th Mar 2015 at 11:54 PM ----------

    Or... since the yellow is so light, you could go over it in white, and change it to

    YOU ALWAYS HAVE A PENIS
    just to be random :wink:
     
  12. poetofdarkness

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    Send them a shirt that says "so do you"
     
  13. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Unless they're completely in the dark about what being gay means, I think what they are trying to tell you is that you may be gay, but you can choose what you do about it, as in you could choose not to have relationships with guys and you could choose to be with a girl. They basically are saying they want you to choose to suppress your sexuality and live a lie for their benefit, not yours. This is what my mum wanted me to do about my gender and sexual orientation.

    That t-shirt they sent you is incredibly rude but doesn't surprise me as I can imagine my mum to do the same.

    Do you have a boyfriend? If so, you could send them a photo of you and him with you wearing the t-shirt saying 'I do have a choice and I have chosen to be happy'.
     
  14. Justinian20

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    You know what I would do, modify the shirt to say You have a choice to be happy
     
  15. Michael

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    Ignore them until they change their ways.
    Ignoring as in don't bother to answer calls anymore. Don't tell them how you feel, just show it.

    Look, I think there was no malice here, they were trying to save you. It was stupid, yes, and a sad proof of serious lack of sensibility. Still, don't forget they are stuck, just like a child that has a tantrum.

    Ignore them. Burn the shirt, please, or modify it. Don't sell it as it is now, 'cause that would help spreading the bull.