Hi everyone, Well I have a difficult situation and I'm very confused about it. So if there's anyone out there that can give me advice I'll very much appreciate it. So it started last week where me and my roommate decided to drink. I got drunk, to a point were I started confessing all my feelings for him. He listened and just said that we should just be friends, but I kept on disagreeing with him. So to end the night he asked me if he wanted to cuddle. Of course I said yes and we cuddle all night. There was dick grabbing and I didn't mind, I actually liked it, but nothing more than that. Another thing to add is that he keeps on texting me flirting messages, like when I'm at class he would text me that I should hurry home so we could cuddle. Another would be that he tries to act cute with his texts. I asked him about why he does this, relating to not wanting a relationship. He ignored the question, but he did said he was being clear about his feelings about me. That's where I get confused. I told him that he can hurt me if he does that, but he continues to do it. Something to add is that he said that the reason he won't be in a relationship with me is that I just came out and he's been out and he feels that the difference in experience would damage our relationship. But then why continue the flirting and the cuddling. He did confirm my feelings for men, because I was having trouble to have that experience with another man. He knows everything about me now, especially the way I feel about him. But why does he still flirt. He said that he cares about me, but why hurt me when I said that this way of acting is hurting me the most. He did tell me that he gets jealous when I talk about other guys and I show him guys that I've had crushes on. He also told me that he isn't fooling around with anyone, or that he is even talking to anyone. Is he just being a good friend, or does he like making me confused. I love the attention that I get from him and he likes it too. But why continue, with me, if he knows that he's just making it worst? Something to add is that I have depression ever since I came out. I can't feel happy about anything that used to give me joy. I'm going to therapy, but my therapist told me that this relationship I have with my roommate isn't healthy, especially when my roommate told me how he feels about me. I've been doing better, but now they think it's a chemical unbalance. What should I do? On one hand I like the attention and flirting with him, also I get that great feeling of having him around me, but on the other hand he and I know that this is damaging my emotions and I know that this can't lead anywhere else. I'm so confused, but I'm hoping for a ray of hope that maybe he feels the same way, but I just have to crush my dreams even more just to protect myself. HELP!!!!!!
If it's damaging your mental health, get out of there. It may seem crappy to just dump a good friend, but you have to live with a messed up brain for the rest of your life, and friends come and go. His effect on you is like a bad drug - you may get a high from him, but you'll crash soon and it'll screw you up in the long run. I'd recommend trying to find another place to stay, at least until you can start to get over him. On the other hand, if you can ask him to cut out the flirting, you may be able to keep the friendship and stay where you are, but it probably won't be as effective as severing contact completely.
Sometimes you just have to walk out. Leave. And right now you may have to do that. Maybe return someday but not today nor tomorrow.
Sit him down and tell him to stop. You are either a couple or you are not. Tell him you can have no middle ground because all it does is hurt you.
Thank you everyone for the replies. Here's an update of what's going on so far. So one day he saw me upset because he found out that, when I was drunk, that he knows my true feelings for him. So I was in bed, sober by this time, and he said what's wrong. I didn't tell him, but he knew. He got in my bed and started to cuddle with me and then after that one thing led to another and I find myself having sex with him. After that things didn't get weird, we just acted like nothing happened. But now he's more comfortable with me. We cuddle way more and we just have a little bit more open with each other. He tells me that I have to understand that he is very unpredictable and that the only reason he doesn't want to get that intimate with me is because he doesn't think I can handle it. So far its been okay. I'm starting to see what kind of guy he really is. There are moments in the day where I have to keep reminding myself that I shouldn't be so attached, only because I don't know what holds in the future, neither does he. We're just going to see how things go. He also wants me to go back to his home for spring break. Which I think is a big step. I just have to remind myself that we're just roommates, but I don't know where this could lead. He really doesn't know either, but I'm just trying to have as much fun as possible with him. And I really don't know what the future holds. We talked about it and he doesn't know either. There are times where he keeps his distance away from me, but then there are times where he wants to be near me and we tend to cuddle for a bit. I know that this may lead to nothing, or even heart break, but I'm willing to try if he's willing to. I don't know. Any thoughts???
I still think that you should put your foot down. You've slept with him, continue to cuddle, and he still does not want to be in a relationship. This is his choice, and since he does not want to be with you, it should be all or nothing.
I feel that I should ask him where our relationship is, or like what we are now. He told me today that I should be more assertive, but I've really never been that type of guy. I'm trying to and I know that I have to be more assertive, not only in the relationship, but in life as well.
