So I went on this date with a guy, and we clicked instantly. We liked all the same things, the same shows like house of cards or Orange is the new black. We both watch the same amines like psycho pass and Tokyo ghoul. We both like Nintendo games and it's just super easy to talk to him. We both like stupid puns that no one should ever laugh at. Never have I connected with someone like this before. We even determined that it was a date. It was just, amazing. We made plans to hang out at his place and play some video games. I was so exited. Then he text me that he needed to cancel. Someone he's been friends with for a while told him that he had feelings for him and they were dating now. I was, still am deviated. He said he didn't expect much from our date, but he had a really, REALLY, (exact words) had a great time. I told him I still wanted to be friends, but I don't know if I can. I mean if we continue to hang out I won't be able to stop myself from falling for him more. I don't know if I'll be able to take getting hurt any more. But I don't want to lose a friend that I have so much in common with. And if things don't work out with this other guy I still want to be a part of his life. What do I do?
Be his friend. Space yourself from him just a little and do your best not to fall. I've had the same problem with a bi guy who fell in love with a girl. Now they're married and we're best friends.
Ok, so update. Spring Break goes by and I pretty much get over him. Until I receive this text. "Do you want to hang out?" "You can stay over." And I'm like hecks yes. Although I don't know his intentions. I go over meet a bunch of his suite mates, we play some some super smash bros. and have a grand old time. 2am rolls around and we're in his bed watching anime. His roommate isn't there (the friend he's had feelings for) but their beds are pushed together. I don't want to rush anything so when sleeping comes around I turn over away from him. But his intentions were clear when he starts spooning me. We start fooling around and stuff and it was really great. he talk about how much we like each other and how this emotional connection was so instant it was really weird. I go over there again and his roommate is still away for spring break. Very similar things happen except afterwards he tells me that he is still kinda with his roommate. His roommate keeps giving him this on again off again thing. One minute he likes him the next he doesn't. I tell him to do what makes him happy. He says the choice seems so obvious but that he is very conflicted. I try my best to to push him in any direction and to make the decision he wants to make. Another day goes by and his roommate comes back so I ask him if he'd like to hang out in my dorm. Instead he says he wants me to go there again. I'm like that sounds like a really bad idea but i guess so. At this point I'm thinking I don't want his roommate convincing him to make the wrong decision. I go over there and I was right, the most awkward thing I've ever done. The three of us watch a movie in the living room and after the roommate goes out. The guy and I go into his room, watch some anime and talk. The guy tells me his roommate is really upset that he had me over and that they had a really big fight. The roommate went into a jealous rage, even though they told each other it wasn't going to be monogamous. The guy feels really bad that he put the two of us in this situation. The reason he wanted me to go to his dorm again is because the roommate wanted to meet me. Eventually the roommate comes back and the three of us awkwardly watch some TV in their conjoined bed. The guy as me in one arm and him in the other. totally awkward. Then the unthinkable happens. The roommate starts to come onto me. O_O I freak the fuck out (mentally) and say I need to go to the bathroom. I get back and the air is just thick with awkward in the air. You could cut the awkwardness with scissors. The roommate leaves and the guy tells me the roommate thinks I don't like him. I'm just like... What. I don't want to have a three way with someone I'm looking to date and their friend with benefits. That keep in mind have feelings for each other. I want to go sleep on the couch but they insist that its fine and that I can sleep in there with them. I curl up into a small ball and take up as little space as possible pop in my headphones and try and tune out the entire situation. After a while the guy gets up and leaves. I don't know what to think and I'm half asleep so I don't do anything. This was the biggest mistake of all. When I wake up in the morning he's still not there. I start talking to the roommate and whatever and I think to myself the guy want all of us to do stuff so one thing leads to the other and I fool around with the roommate. I'm not all that into it but I'm like its what the guy sorta wanted. The guy comes back in and we tell him what we did. He gets extremely upset and storms out. And storming out is not something he does. After like an hour of sitting there with his roommate the guy comes back. We start telling him how sorry we are and that we never meant to hurt him. The roommate bursts into tears. and after a while we stop talking. The guy figures he was kinda over reacting. The roommate asks to talk to him alone so I leave them and go into the living room. After like an hour and a half they come out and we play some video games together with all the suite mates. The roommate goes out again and I talk to the roommate one last time. I could see this next part coming. He tells me he really likes me but that he's not emotionally ready to date me. He can't emotionally handle rooming with someone he has feelings for and date another. He also said he didn't think it was fair to his roommate. He says he still wants to be friends though. I'm really upset about it but I tell him its fine and that I just want him to be happy. I apologize for making things so much more complicated for him. A little while later I ask if he wants to hang out again. Now this time at my place but, this one is happening this weekend and I'm kinda freaking out. I don't know what to do. I was thinking to make sure my roommate is there the whole time and not to sit on the same furniture but I really don't want to fuck this up. What does everyone think of the entire situation? What should I do about this weekend? Any advice on how to handle the entire situation? Any advice from past love triangles? Please Help. :bang:
I have to say. This was probably the most entertaining post I have read on here in the 3.5 years I have been a member of EC. Now I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but this situation is a little messed up. As obvious as the solution seems to me, and I'm sure equally as obvious to you, that doesn't necessarily mean its the easiest one or that you are willing to do it. I think that the guy you are interested in is very confused, his roommate is very controlling, and that you are being taken advantage of. I agree with you that in an ideal world, the guy you have a crush on would leave his roommate and the two of you would live happily ever after. Yet it seems that the hold his roommate has on him, at least for as long as the two of them are living together or he leaves him for someone better, will stop him from being able to be with you. I think your initial intention was right. That its not a good idea to stay in this situation and one or 3 of you will end up being hurt frequently. Now, as I said originally, only you know if thats something your ready to give up yet, but for your own emotional health, its probably best. I know I would struggle personally for months/years with a situation like this and then later look back and regret how stupid I was to let myself be treated like that. I rarely believe in ultimatums, but a friendship with this guy will not work, and I think you need to force him to choose between you or the roommate. Even then, given his history of being unfaithful to his roommate, who says that he wont do that again with you. I would be very careful about this here, and ultimately, I think you already know whats best here. It is just a matter of convincing yourself you can do better.
